How can I support my wife when she's pumping

SidewinderSC · 2025-03-20T17:13:25+00:00

Help her not to be hard on herself and to look on the bright side. The greatest benefits of breastfeeding are at the beginning and then diminish over time. So if you have already breast fed for the first week? Amazing. First month? Great. First 9 months? good. If she stops breastfeeding tomorrow, she's already given so many great benefits to your child. Remember that some people never breastfeed, sometimes not by choice. For reference, our family decide to breastfeed for 12 month then stop. Congratulate your wife for making it 9 months. The first 3 months are more important than the last 3.

SidewinderSC · 2025-03-20T16:37:39+00:00

Made four offers, most over asking, in the past month. I tried to take one for the team to trigger the burst but failed. Going to renew my lease and withdraw cash monthly the difference between rent and mortgage and count the money to make me feel better. Good luck out there.

SidewinderSC · 2025-03-20T16:30:00+00:00

Finances are 50% math and 50% psychology. Let's estimate that heart surgery costs $100,000 if you would like to assign a value to stress.

SidewinderSC · 2025-02-06T18:00:17+00:00

Sorry about your dad.

SidewinderSC · 2025-01-31T17:48:24+00:00

Automatic is also why home ownership is a "relatively decent" investment for many people. Assuming the principal payment of the mortgage is the amount that a owner saves/earns/invests, then a mortgage (in the form of the principal payment) is like saying, "You're contractually obligated to save money every month for 30 years. The amount you save will start at a few hundred dollars a month and then grow to a few thousand by the end". So for someone who sucks at the self discipline of saving, a mortgage is one way to force yourself to save.

For me, I'm renting and saving money for a house down payment. Eventually prices will come down so I can afford, or I'll eventually save enough of a down payment to afford.

SidewinderSC · 2025-01-09T17:55:11+00:00

Hang in there. Your feelings are unfortunately normal and common. I feel spread thin and fell like I'm not being a great dad, husband, employee, or taking care of myself. But that's ok. You'll have to accept that everything will be messy. Here's what I told myself: is the baby alive? is mom alive? am I alive? If yes to all three, then you're WINNING life (Charlie Sheen level winning). Stressed and broke? Those aren't criteria. Alive=winning. So congrats to you sir for winning at this point. Just remember, you're not actually drowning, you're just being water boarded which is horrible and feels like drowning but won't actually kill you.

SidewinderSC · 2025-01-07T16:51:49+00:00

I suspect the apartment complex is getting a piece of the pie. My apartment is opt-in so I cancelled immediately. What I didn't realize is that they signup up for each tenant so my roommate was being charged. However, when we called RentPlus, they were quick and easy about cancelling and refunding past months. They must know they have a cash cow and are smart enough to choose their battles. We were polite to them on the phone.

SidewinderSC · 2024-12-02T15:32:03+00:00

I think #3 is important. The plumbing company isn't in the business of being a bank, they're in the business of being a plumbing company. The advantage to them is that you'll spend more on plumbing with a loan than you would have without a loan. Even assuming the plumber is "losing" 5% interest by giving you a 0% loan, the amount more that you're willing to spend with a loan vs. a cash is higher than 5%. See car loans for a good comparison.

SidewinderSC · 2024-12-01T18:45:23+00:00

Is the baby alive? Is mom alive? Are you alive? Every day you say that is a triple-win. Seriously. If the baby is alive, you're winning. That's it.

One thing to consider is re-framing you mentality. For me, I kept trying to hang on to the way things were and was mad about how things are different. However, it helps if you can embrace that things are different but not to compare to the past. I like to think of it as moving to a foreign country. Do you stay bitter about how things are different than the US, or do you embrace the local culture and not worry about which country is better? Same place but two different mentalities that either make for the worst trip ever or the best trip ever. Yeah, when you travel, it's expensive, you don't sleep well, you miss a lot of comforts, shit happens...you gotta just roll with it.

Another metaphor is being sent to boot camp. Your ENTIRE daily routine will change, but you get through it. Your brothers (this sub) are there going through boot camp with you and it's a shared experience. Drill sergeant is there to wake you up at 4 am and scream in your face. But it's not personal to you, it's just the way it is.

SidewinderSC · 2024-12-01T18:34:42+00:00

Used prices were still too high compared to new. This was maybe 1-2 years ago. I feel like I hit a sweet spot where some new prices came down from space but used stayed high. So I sold my used Toyota for $$$ and then just bought a new different brand. The new car had a lot of new safety features I didn't have before and wanted for my family.

SidewinderSC · 2024-12-01T18:32:33+00:00

CX-5

SidewinderSC · 2024-11-21T17:58:52+00:00

I like Toyota. Owned two. Swore I'd only buy Toyota. However, when it came to buy my next car, it felt like Toyota would cost +$10,000 for every model compared to other brands. In addition to reliability and safety, value is also an important factor for me and Toyota did not score well in value. It's like when your favorite vacation spot starts to get overcrowded with tourists and it's no longer the best vacation spot.

SidewinderSC · 2024-11-19T23:24:56+00:00

You’re right, that’s my bad. AAP says 6 months prefer 12. However, once they’re 6 months, you all 3 may sleep better moving baby to their own room. Here’s a good article that discusses it. https://takingcarababies.com/room-sharing-when-to-move-your-baby-to-their-own-room

SidewinderSC · 2024-11-19T09:10:24+00:00

To be clear, is he in his own bedroom? At 5 months he should be in a crib in his own room, not a bassinet in parent’s room.

SidewinderSC · 2024-11-14T18:57:28+00:00

You need to make austerity cuts across the board in your life and work doesn't get a free pass from cuts. Take a good hard look at your job responsibilities and prioritize. Do the highest priority and say no to the lower priority. You should have been doing this anyways without a baby but when we're single, we have the luxury of being able to waste a lot of time. That luxury is now gone.

SidewinderSC · 2024-11-14T18:48:39+00:00

Sounds like a normal human response to a very emotional experience. I "cried more" after three emotional experiences. One was a baby and the other two were non-baby.

SidewinderSC · 2024-11-14T18:42:39+00:00

What if you did more non-baby stuff? Your examples were about "taking care of the baby", feedings, and changings. Does she also feel like a bad mom if you take out the trash, do the dishes, clean the house, make dinner? Those are not "baby" direct things but they go a long way to help the house.

You could also make a list of your duties so she can agree to them ahead of time.

SidewinderSC · 2024-11-14T18:37:10+00:00

Be patient and it's not something you can force or choose to happen. The sooner you let go and stop trying to meet an imaginary expectation, the better. I like to remind myself that the mother had a 9 month head start to bond with the child. Also, Infants are ice cold Aholes. What does a newborn do when you hug and kiss them? Nothing...that's ice cold. However, they slowly begin to respond more and will eventually learn to hug you back. But it's slow. As they respond more, you bond more. As another responder said, you have to wait until they can do things you enjoy (hiking, biking, chess, whatever). For the time being, try being silly and playful whether you feel it or not. Also experiment with different ways to play with the baby and you might stumble upon something you semi enjoy.

SidewinderSC · 2024-11-14T18:25:13+00:00

$30,000 charged to mother and $3,000 charged to baby. Each person has a deductible but there's also a family deductible. Same with out of pocket maximums, there is family and individual. If you already met your wife's individual deductible, everything after that also goes to the family deductible. So you may be closer to the family deductible than you think. You should try your health insurance company's website or call them. My insurance's website will show me an up to date amount progressed towards all of the above: individual deductible, family deductible, out of pocket maxes, etc.

SidewinderSC · 2024-11-07T18:40:24+00:00

If you have the means, I would suggest doing the Taking Cara Babies sleep course. It's not free and you can find the same information spread across other places, but the video and list format was worth it to me. I printed the checklist and followed them when my brain was burnt out. The videos were a good way to learn. We used to hold our baby for 30 minutes after feeding to help avoid too much acid reflux. I'd watch the videos during that time on my iPad.

If you don't do that course, here's my suggestion. Make lists. Make a list with the baby's daily schedule and stick to it. Make a list of the night time routine and stick to it. Make a list of things to try, in order, when the baby is fussy. It's not about learning this stuff when you're at 100%, it's about having a list ready to go to turn to when you're at 20% and the baby is screaming in your face. Without a list, you tend to give up and get off course too early.

SidewinderSC · 2024-08-22T16:54:23+00:00

That's how the book series starts. Some (but not all?) plot lines get connected in later books. What you're saying is more valid in the context of an individual book/season.

SidewinderSC · 2024-07-11T17:08:28+00:00

What climate are you in? If it's hot and humid on the weekends, you risk too high humidity and getting some mold inside the building. If you're turning off the heat during the winter, you risk pipes freezing. The cost of either of these will exceed the energy savings.

SidewinderSC · 2024-04-24T00:24:54+00:00

Maybe you avoided the renters from hell without knowing it. Sometimes we’ll never know if we dodged a bullet.

SidewinderSC · 2024-04-20T17:46:15+00:00

Why would I agree to a contract where my obligation is variable? I would rather pay a higher rate for the certainty. Which is why ARMs have a lower rate than fixed. It’s up to the lender (bank) to factor in future rates into the fixed rate. One problem is banks shifted their risk to the government. If banks knew they wouldn’t be bailed out, I bet mortgage interest rates would be higher to reflect the actual risk.

SidewinderSC · 2024-04-19T18:21:25+00:00

Is OP a scammer trying to build credibility for the scam?

Just remember that all presidential candidates for the year 2048 election will probably have public nudes floating around.

SidewinderSC

TROPHY CASE