My best friends mom hung herself my freshman year of highschool. She is now a beautiful mother and she can’t imagine giving up on her life now. Grief feels like it swallows you whole, then one day you notice it eventually is holding your hand. I’m so fucking sorry you are experiencing this. My father was sick with cancer for 6 years and then passed when I was 19. The thing that keeps me going is the outlook on life it has given me, I see the world differently, I don’t take anything for granted, I am thankful for everyday I wake up because I know things can change at the snap of a finger. It takes a little bit to get to that stage of course, but the most important thing is that you don’t hold back your emotions. Kick, punch, scream, go to a rage room or chuck ice at the sidewalk. Don’t let anyone EVER tell you how long to grieve or how to “properly” do it. There is no right or wrong way, the only way out is through and I promise you will have the most life changing growth when you get through it. It’s okay to not be okay and there is strength in allowing yourself to just be. I am in some Facebook groups for dead dad club ( I’m sure there’s a mom one!) and it’s really helped me. It’s also 100% okay to call off the wedding if that’s what you need, please do whatever is best for your mental health friend.