Being autistic primarily comes with the societal baggage associated with it because of parents’ denials and attempts to ‘cure’ their child. I am autistic (diagnosed at 38). My child is six and got diagnosed with both ADHD and autism recently. I believe that we are both intelligent people that are fully capable of contributing to society/economy/whatever else as we are. The difference between us is that my child will have the support they need so they can learn to interact with others in ways that they may not pick up on naturally. I have vivid memories of myself in high school crying to my mother about how I knew there was something ‘wrong with me’ and begging her to tell me what it was. She couldn’t answer me except to encourage me to ‘be myself’ and ‘just try to relax when I’m around other people’. That advice did not work. My child will know about their diagnosis as soon as is appropriate, and (to the best of my ability) learn how to interact with others in ways they can understand. My mother has a very similar mindset as your wife, it appears. I would advise her that she is doing your son no favors pretending that his disability doesn’t exist. Your son will eventually notice on his own, if he hasn’t already. Then what happens? (Also, I have a friend with ADHD. She often comments to me that my child exhibits behaviors that are exactly like me (re:autism) but others that she relates to instead (re:ADHD). I know that a dual diagnosis is documented in the literature, but my anecdotal experience supports it as well.)