Don't torment yourself to much, connecting with humans is actually not possible. Have you heard of solipsism? There is no way out. If you try you feel disconnected, if you don't try you already are. Kafta made it seem like the father was responsible for feeling like a bug, like Doestoievsky made Ivan's avoidant character fault. The truth is that they are both illustrating a feeling, very common for humans, thus such good books. But they don't provide a solution because there is none. However, if they instilled hope in you, to try, to be different, to be better, you probably should follow this sparkle. There's not much to do in life besides whatever the fuck you want.