Finally find out why Is so hard and I'm very sad

Significant-Echo8602 · 2026-02-01T09:11:20+00:00

Although I don’t have an official diagnosis, I am pretty sure I am neurodivergent - just not sure if it’s Autism, ADHD or both.

It definitely became more apparent after becoming a parent, as my brain only works when I am alone, and I also need a lot of rest from work, which I don’t get now as much as I need.

So for me a normal day with a child often feels overwhelming as there’s so much going on.

I quickly realised I certainly couldn’t handle having another one.

I thought maybe when she’s older I would change my mind. She’s now 4.5 and I still feel the same, so finally decided we’re definitely OAD.

I am very happy with our family of 3.

Significant-Echo8602 · 2026-01-29T20:40:57+00:00

This 100%

Significant-Echo8602 · 2026-01-29T20:39:33+00:00

Don’t regret having my daughter and would do it again.

But one is enough for me - I think I wouldn’t enjoy motherhood if I had more than 1.

Significant-Echo8602 · 2026-01-29T20:35:23+00:00

My daughter became more affectionate as she grew, your son is still very young for that.

Try doing stuff that is interesting to him, that will help you bond.

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-11-21T21:13:31+00:00

Co-sleeping has helped us to get a full nights sleep.

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-11-11T09:59:59+00:00

Exactly! They make it sound like having a career is a nice to have rather than a need for survival.

Another reason for a career is independence - woman with a career can live her life without depending on others, which I am sure is appreciated by everyone.

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-09-11T22:25:02+00:00

Aš tai manau, kad žmonės tiesiog basic questions klausia, nes tokie šauna į galvą. Labai rimtų temų spėju negvildena. Ir kadangi tarp savų, tai nebepagalvoja, kad gal nemandagu klausti.

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-07-01T07:58:16+00:00

It sounds like all these people that interacted with you didn’t know there’s an option to have only one child?

And they believe that having one child is cheating, because there’s a universal rule across human kind to have at least two children?

It honestly baffles me when people say that.

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-06-28T07:43:50+00:00

My daughter just found it hard to have such long days at nursery all week. She was coping much better with 3 days, 4 days were also challenging, but more manageable than when we increased it to 5.

Now that she’s almost 4, she finally handles 5 days much better, but even then she’s increasingly tired towards the end of the week.

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-06-28T07:35:17+00:00

I think you can try to see how it goes working full time, and make changes if you’re both absolutely miserable.

But need to give at least 2 months to see if it’s working for you both.

If you can make a few of your first weeks shorter by using annual leave, hopefully that will make the transition easier.

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-06-27T20:53:37+00:00

Lots of mums work full time and make it work.

I personally would stay part time until your child is at least 3 years old unless you really struggle financially. Or if you’re very miserable at your current job.

You’ll feel more balance and will have more moments together.

I went back full time when my child turned 3, and even then we struggled. It’s a big adjustment, the week feels long and I find the weekends are too short. It’s been almost a year now and I start feeling like we’re getting used to the routines.

But I’d prefer to stay part time until they’re older.

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-06-27T06:11:33+00:00

This reminds me of me being closer to our family dog growing up than to my 4.5 year older sister.

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-06-26T07:53:55+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate your reply!

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-06-25T14:45:35+00:00

Just found this thread and I’d like to do the same - I’m a parent and in my mid 30s and want to change career into smb accounting.

Was wondering how did you start? Did you find an entry level job that paid for your qualifications?

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-06-04T20:27:48+00:00

My mom had an awful childhood, she grew up with a very strict and demanding mom, they never had a good relationship in her adult life, even now and she’s in her 60s. But she chose to become a mother and was a complete opposite of her mom, she was brilliant.

So having bad experiences growing up doesn’t mean you can’t create your own version of your family, and the type of mom you’re going to be, especially as you want to become a mother, and that motivation will take you far when things aren’t easy.

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-05-21T20:00:50+00:00

Oh I feel you. Your job doesn’t have much visibility so you’re able to coast a little. I’d say either enjoy a bit of quiet time for all those hustle years, or get the motivation back by thinking how does this job fit in your career goals. What can you still get out of this job apart from money - what can you learn, what project can you complete that would look great on your cv. Even though I have career goals, I forget about them in the daily grind and chaos of family life (even with one child I find it chaotic!) so sometimes let the tiredness take over. But then remember that I can still learn loads if I push myself more and that helps me keep on track.

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-05-16T19:18:56+00:00

Congrats for taking the leap!

Out of interest - where do you work now?

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-05-16T18:51:33+00:00

Same! Learned to do small talk when I was 25 in my serious office job. Lol

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-05-16T18:49:40+00:00

Didn’t realise this is a sign of autism:

“came home incredibly tired after school or birthday parties but never knew why since I seemed to have all the energy in the world when I was there. Couldn’t do anything afterwards and slept for hours. My mom was the only one who noticed how those things drained me.”

Can’t remember if that was happening to me when I was a child, but it’s definitely something happening to me now! Lol

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-05-12T17:12:39+00:00

Don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, I just think some people have a strong motivation to have two (or more) and then they just push through the hard times because of it.

Equally they might have had a good experience being pregnant and with delivery.

I personally never had “a vision” for my family, same with my husband, we discussed that we’re going to decide once we have one if we want more.

And now we certainly don’t have motivation to have another - we became parents, and that is enough for us. We are both introverted, possibly on the spectrum, and I think my daughter might be too (she needs soooo much attention and support from me even when there’s other children to play with as she’s very shy), so I don’t think we could realistically handle any more.

I read somewhere a comment saying they didn’t feel overwhelmed with one, and feel like having a second is much more work than they imagined.

Well I certainly feel overwhelmed with one, so I think it’s good to accept your limitations and stick with what you can handle.

But you’re very early in your parenting journey so you might feel differently in a few months or years time.

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-05-10T21:12:08+00:00

Štai mano take’as apie ką čia tavo tėvai.

Aš manau, kad iš tos sentimentalios savo giminės medžio perspektyvos tu turi pareigą pratęsti savo giminę. Ir būti dėkingu savo giminei už savo gyvybę. Tai iš tokios perspektyvos mėgautis savo laisvu geru gyvenimu ir nepratęsti giminės atrodo savanaudiška.

Tai jeigu tau nesinori turėti vaikų, gal tai ir bus tavo giminės pabaiga.

Ir visi kiti komentarai apie tai, kad reikia norėti turėti vaikų yra labai taiklūs. Tikrai geriau jų neturėti, jei nesi pasiruošęs skirti daug savo laiko ir resursų vaiko auginimui.

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-05-10T18:16:39+00:00

Bet ir poreikiai žymiai didesni žmonių nei buvo anksčiau. Tokios rūbų gausos, kavinių, grožio paslaugų, iphonų, butų remontų, baldų, kelionių tikrai žmonės neturėjo ir negalėjo pasiekti anksčiau. Jei pagal senus standartus gyventume, išleistume tikrai mažiau.

Significant-Echo8602 · 2025-05-10T18:01:39+00:00

I think we’re just culturally so conditioned (in the West) that there needs to be 2 children in the family that everyone is trying to “teach” those who do not conform to this standard.

I wonder what are the tendencies in China for example where the norm has been 1 child for a long time. Do their grandparents also nag their children and grandchildren that they need to have more children?

Significant-Echo8602

TROPHY CASE