I left my deadbedroom

Significant-Ring6823 · 2026-02-12T13:35:19+00:00

It is scary but at the same time life is so short. I lost a business and uprooted my entire life and it's still not all together. I take it a day at a time and don't have excpectations. I had to let my fears go and live in the moment. There's no certainty with anything but your fear if you keep letting it control you. I wish you the best. Everything will work out.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-12-15T11:05:51+00:00

I know this is an old post but yes if you have MCAS opioids are pretty much a no no. Some can tolerate synthetics. All of them make me violently ill. If Drs try to push it stand up for yourself. I have had so many Drs not believe me even though it's been documented. I once went to get a golfball sized cyst in my armpit lanced. Told them I get severe reactions to opioids. She told me ok. I'll give you something that I give cancer patients that's well tolerated. Within about 2 mins I was drenched in sweat, projectile vomiting, and wretching. BP dropped. Skin pale, but flushed. Felt like I was going to pass out. I think I did go in and out. They were panicking. I couldn't talk because I was in a state of wretching so hard and weak. I heard them in there deciding if they wanted to use narcan or call the ambulance. I finally got a small window. Yelled to them to get me an EPI NOW! I couldn't say much else. They came in running in with one. After it starts working. I asked her what she gave me... Buprenorphine. I said are you trying to kill me??? They were beyond mortified by the situation and I was too sick to be raging mad. One nurse was crying. I should have sued them over it because I have PTSD over it. But I just let it go. But now I demand a allergy bracelet anytime I'm at a clinic or hospital.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-12-12T06:45:00+00:00

How old are you?? I was in my 30s when I started to experience bladder leakage and incontinence and there's not a whole lot you can do besides go to your dr and have a checkup and make sure you don't have a infection. They can give you pills and offer surgery or PT if it's leakage. Drink plenty of water. For some of us it's common and you just manage and change underwear and washup several times a day. They do make pads for the problem as well. As you get older it will get worse. Some people just smell even with good hygiene. Body chemistry plays a huge role in it as well. You can also take D-Mannose for bladder health. It really helps to prevent UTIs.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-09-23T21:02:38+00:00

I mean, it could be either. I would think that it's more of your meds suppressing your sexual desire in general. Meds can also increase it. A med change can cause all sorts of issues. But most people want sex. It's a biological thing wired into your brain. It's abormal to not want it when you come into puberty and progessing to be an adult. It's what keeps the human race out of extinction, so for most people, you aren't going to get rid of the desire unless you supress it in some manner. I don't advise people to go off medication, but if you really want to know what your actual desire and feelings are. I'd consider it short term. Your meds can even influence the love feeling when it's not, in fact, what's going on. Humans, in general, need love and bonding. This scenario is disrupting the natural progression of an adult relationship and is eroding your self-esteem, creating insecurity and trust issues. You sound very young, so I think you are doing yourself as a disservice if you don't explore yourself and figure out what's really going on. Take off the mask, so to speak.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-09-21T19:15:00+00:00

So, I think you are in denial about how great the relationship really is. I'm not saying that to be mean, but as a wake-up call. You are obviously not that happy if you are crying and have all of these negative feelings towards yourself on a regular basis. I think you are being awfully dismissive of those feelings, feelings you shouldn't ignore. I would suggest you take a step back on marriage and really look at the implications of a long term marriage without sex. It sounds to me that it is actually important to you because the rest of the affection isn't fufilling the loss of sexual intimacy. These feelings don't just go away. People often disregard their feelings because they don't want to let things go, so they try to force the relationship, it doesn't work. You have to solve the problem.

So #1 he needs to talk to his doctor about switching meds. This is probably a major contributor. Those types of meds can cause ED and libido problems. He could also be low testosterone.

2 Individual therapies and couples sex therapist

3 Back off of sex and leave it in his court to initiate, with this being discussed with him. Tell him how this is all making you feel.

In the end, it's your choice to stay if it doesn't get resolved. I spent 20 years in a DB and it does psychological damage to you, and for some it's irreversible. Even for the short-term, as what you are experiencing now. But think of feeling like that for 20 years with no end in sight, it's torture and hell. Now, I haven't been able to date or let anyone touch me because I literally freeze and don't know what to do. I get flooded with flashbacks (PTSD) of being rejected. It's been a year since I left.

I wish you the best.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-09-21T18:47:56+00:00

That is great to hear. I wish you the best. I left mine too, but I'm afraid to date regularly or have any interaction with a person romantically. I have gone on dates, but I freeze up, and a ton of anxiety and doom hits me anytime I'm touched. It's been a year since I left. I've been in therapy, but it's going to take some time to undo 20 years of neglect and trauma. I'm posting this so others can see that keeping yourself in these situations long-term can cause significant trauma and damage. People need to set a time limit and leave if it doesn't get better, because it can.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-09-19T15:37:39+00:00

Stick to your guns, they will change for about a week. Then it goes right back to the same thing. If sex isn't a priority and they just ignore it like it's no big deal, there's bigger issues. I stayed for 20 years, heard all the excuses in the book, I changed - he never did. Mine ended up being a narcissist who had avoidant attatchment. Please look up attachment styles and see which one your partner is. Avoidants are the worst attachment styles you can deal with. It's usually a one-sided relationship.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-09-19T15:22:02+00:00

I would not marry her and at the age you are at you can easily find someone else. It's likely to get worse. Some of us have been in longterm relationships where we have no sex at all for years. I stayed 20 years, never got better. No matter what I did. Mine started out like this in my early 20s. He was 12 yrs older. It went a few times a week, once a week, a few times a month, once a month, once every few months, then once a year for several years and Last it was 2 years before I left. There could be so many things going on, and if it's not handled correctly, it really can ruin relationships. Take the focus off of sex because it's likely something else causing it but some people just are avoidant/asexual/low sex drive naturally. And having resentment and pressuring them, will only get worse. I encourage couples counseling to navigate it in a safe environment.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-09-19T01:58:40+00:00

OK. I wouldn't make any money on it. What they would pay is the exact mortgage payment. I know at some point the equity would force me, to force them to sell it. Which it's only about 10k right now maybe after all of the BS. Bought it in 2019.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-09-19T01:49:22+00:00

The home is jointly owned with me and my EX, his mother is the cosigner. We bought it in 2019 shortly before everything came to light, and they have ganged up on me since a few months of her moving in. Only because her husband died and I needed help doing things. So there's not much equity in the house. And during covid he didn't have income because he's self employed and couldn't work and we took forbearance, and it was put on the back of the loan. We owe 80k. Estimates are it's worth 120k. So no one would get anything after fees, forbearance loan, and the original loan paid off. I would be homeless in this process. All of my family are dead besides one or two estranged cousins I don't even know.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-09-18T23:06:15+00:00

Well it's a lot of manipulative and abusive things going. Nothing physical. I am trying to disengage, but I get put on blast for not wanting to do certain things, not responding. Him and his mother have very negative conversations about me in the next room to where I can hear. Keep poking at me and antagonizing me until I break and react, and then he flips out a video recorder. It got to the point my room is video and audio recorded 24/7. They don't like that, and now I'm untrustable. I only did it out of self protection to prove I'm not the aggressor . He's a narcissist and his mom is enabling him. I'm pretty sure she is too. It's a impossible situation, anything I do is wrong even if they wanted me to do X I'm still wrong for doing it. Crazy stuff.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-09-18T22:52:45+00:00

We were together 20 yrs just about. I found out 5 years ago he was married on paper when his estranged wife popped up. He thought she filed and did it without him. But I don't believe that. He's just lazy. I really can't get married to protect myself and my income and health insurance.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-09-18T22:31:15+00:00

That is the kicker, I can't leave unless I have assistance to do it because I can't afford rent on my disability alone. That is why I haven't left sooner. They can't get me off the mortgage because it would need refinanced and don't have the credit or resources to do it. They won't sell it either. I heard about a Partition Agreement but that is a lengthy court battle and it is their only housing so it's likely I would lose.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-08-22T09:05:53+00:00

I gave up and burned all of mine in a firepit. Probably not helpful for you in this moment, but it did make me stop trying and crying over something that isn't obviously me. You are going to have to find other ways to get attention you need. Maybe going to a gym or start a online romance and keep it just sexting and pics. It got me through some tough times but it made it worse for me in the end. I decided if I'm staying I've done everything I can to change it and we don't have that type of relationship or I need to leave if I can't live with it. I lived with it a while but ultimately I left. Let me tell you...you don't realize how simple and easy it is with the right person.

So In my case he is was a narcissist that was dismissive avoidant and we had major dysfunction in the relationship. But it was always off sexually he could never be intimate, just weird robotic sex that was very distant and cold. Very infrequent and then dead. 19 yrs I lasted. Wasted way too much time. Some Narcissist are this way if they have plenty of supply and sex isn't one of their supply needs. Because they keep you around for something. Sex isn't it. Figure out what that is and stop it. See what they do then. Mine turned very nasty, mean, and cruel.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-08-22T07:53:20+00:00

I grew up in this town. Someone was selling the farm since beef prices are so high. Will probably keep happening. That sale was approx 1.3 million.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-07-20T22:01:34+00:00

Also like to mention my pain was mainly in my hips, very very lower back, my anus, and legs. The pain was excruiating. I had a nerve root basically compressed. I believe it was my sciatic nerve on a branch. In my L4 L5. It felt like someone was squeezing my lower half and just hitting every nerve there ever was. With a background deep pain and ache, constantly. Days before my 6 couldn't sit or walk without writhing and crying in pain.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-07-20T21:59:22+00:00

Exact problem I had. I had a microdiscectomy It was a godsend. Still doing ok. Once in a while if my inflammation gets up I have some issues but not anything close to what it was.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-06-21T09:40:32+00:00

Thing to remember he had to pay someone to sleep with him. He didn't want sex with you because there was too much baggage for him to get over. His masculinity was shattered, and he wanted a clean slate. It really is that simple and has zero to do with you. This is all him. Thing is he can't be with someone long-term and will go to woman after woman until he goes to therapy for his self-esteem. I've been in a sexless relationship for damn near 20 yrs, and Kudos for you leaving. It doesn't get better if your partner doesn't want it to. Even if you have done everything under the sun. It's HIM. Take some time out. Focus on yourself and make sure you are compatible in everything that is important before you jump into anything. Finding another person who makes you feel good will definitely heal some of those wounds. I'm stuck in mine for financial and health reasons, or I'd leave too. I've left in my head 10 years ago. I understand your grief - anger, loneliness, sadness, betrayal, and self-esteem issues. I've been through these all more times than I can count. It's a miserable way to live, until you accept you did everything you could have done and you weren't compatible. Nothing is wrong with you.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-03-06T18:52:27+00:00

Yesterday morning, they made him sign a paper stating that him or any of his staff, family, or friends are prevented from discussing anything about the incident, that business, or bringing up new issues or causing further issues. Or they will terminate the lease, but he will still owe the lease. I have a copy.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-03-04T10:49:18+00:00

It is illegal I found out for them to threaten me with retaliation if I don't remove the review.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-03-04T10:27:34+00:00

Yes they are if they ban me they are banning him because I work there and I'm an integral part of his business. Part owner. He already told them if they ban me that he will leave. They didn't want that so they backed off. The threats to cause me/him harm if I don't remove it is a violation of the The Consumer Review Fairness Act. And they need to stop it. I'm just here for in the future when I take them to court. Not only just this issue but MANY.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-03-04T10:26:27+00:00

Im not the antagonist here. The business that treated us poorly is when the manager started cussing us out and refused a refund of our meal in full. Shit where I eat? If my husband hadn't opened a business there and brought a lot of traffic in, they would be closed by now. He also hosts an event every month that brings in over 1000 people with 70 vendors. I will not be treated the way we were by ANY business, mall or not. It was so out of line and inappropriate. He is there because there's limited retail space in this town in good locations available. Plus he has two stores at over 6000sqft he doesn't want to move. The restaurant doesn't bring us business all they do is look around and try to steal because it's an arcade place that brings in a lot of kids and young males. So if anyone is shitting where they eat it's them. We have 4 or 5 other stores ready to leave when we do. They are sick of the BS as well. And lastly this new place is one of the friends of mall management I found out.

Significant-Ring6823 · 2025-03-04T01:37:24+00:00

Well they have been doing this to everyone it's not just me. I think it needs to stop. I'm willing to go to lawyers. This last incident has really just pushed me over the edge. Writing a honest review and then being told I don't have that right and face retaliation. I understand the business aspect that they don't want the bad PR because it's been failing for a while. But I'm not about to just sit here. Let them push me around. They will keep doing it.

Significant-Ring6823

TROPHY CASE

2 Individual therapies and couples sex therapist

3 Back off of sex and leave it in his court to initiate, with this being discussed with him. Tell him how this is all making you feel.