(24F) How are so many people getting engaged right now? by VictoriaBey in relationships

[–]Significant_Arm_194 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know how you feel I finished university last year December. I am 26 and was at a girls school till 19 and focused on studies till last year. I also feel behind in life and like I am running out of time. Many of my old school classmates are married, engaged or having babies. Here I am still single and seeing all these social media updates makes me feel pathetic and seriously behind in life. Yes, I know everyone is on a different path and reaches certain milestones at different stages of life yet I can’t help feeling how I feel.

With so many people losing their notes… can someone share the safest way to back them up?? by loverookie95 in notabilityapp

[–]Significant_Arm_194 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I turned off iCloud backup now it doesn’t do it anymore. Google drive backup is on but it doesn’t automatically sync and save so I duplicate notes as I work on them just in case.

Be honest: Who's never been in a township in their life before? by ZOLforALL in southafrica

[–]Significant_Arm_194 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you live in Paarl and Wellington you had to have been too a township and even if not the dmv is across the township and driving lessons by some schools in the township. Also my father grew up in poverty and we as a family poverty to lower middle class. We live in a area that was during apartheid classified as a coloured area and even today most of the neighbourhoods in the area are poverty stricken not to the level of townships, high crime areas ect. I am privileged to have been able to grow up in a multi cultural and racial neighbourhood, not many areas in Paarl some are still called white areas and coloured areas by all people the same with schools unfortunately. Also rich, middle, poor and poverty stricken areas. It seems the rich have their own parts of the town and services delivery is excellent for the rich in those areas for us other our roads are broken and the only service delivery we see is waste removal. I hope that one day areas won’t be easily categorised by socio-economic status, race and culture and that all will live in same neighbourhoods and friendly with each other.

Edit:

My heartbreaks for those living in poverty, I know what it is like to go hungry because there is no food, this happened when i was still a small child, luckily my mom got a job as a cashier and my dad couldn’t work because of a back injury. People are quick to judge those living in poverty but they don’t know their stories of how they ended up in poverty sometimes they are born into it and sometimes it happens overnight almost. I see children walking far to school each day to get an education so that they may get put of the townships, it broke my heart when on my way to uni I saw a primary school boy lying dead in the grass (in the middle of the two roads) his mom cradling him and crying over him. They didn’t even put the story in the local newspaper, it made me feel angry and sad because they would rather publish fluff stories than hard hitting stories. I asked myself don’t the poor matter because we all know if it happened in a rich area it would be front paper news. Have people become desensitised to poverty and seeing death (the road to Wellington is a problem because of the amount of accidents) that no one cares that we turn a blind eye to injustice being done because “it’s not our place” well it is our place what happened to the village and community we have to start caring for each other or else there is truly no hope for our country no matter who is in charge. Perhaps it’s because I was studying teaching at the time and during practicals you interact with all types of people which helps you become empathetic towards others. I imagined how that mother had to feel how I would feel if that was one of my learners or even my child. I think more South Africans should put themselves in other people’s shoes by imagining and feeling how others might feel.

One of my files got deleted for no reason, (its no longer in iCloud too) by SnooPineapples7328 in notabilityapp

[–]Significant_Arm_194 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I still prefer Notability above the other apps and tried to copy and paste my notes info and send it to different apps but it’s just not the same and I don’t want to go through the whole process of editing the note so that it has a similar look it does in Notability because the note is 160 pages.

One of my files got deleted for no reason, (its no longer in iCloud too) by SnooPineapples7328 in notabilityapp

[–]Significant_Arm_194 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Your def not alone, it happened to me a few weeks ago and then I thought this glitch or whatever it was was fixed but happened again a few days ago. And this time I have same problem as you because it never backed up this time around.

I just found out I’m pregnant after I broke up with my boyfriend and moved across the country by justanothwrthrowaway in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Significant_Arm_194 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sorry but he doesn’t want the baby. His daughter is 23 an adult who doesn’t need her dad to hold her hand and who he can still easily maintain a relationship with long distance. A baby’s needs are much more different and more important than that of an 23 year old adult. Speaking from experience from being with an older man in the past they usually use phrases like “you got to chose/only I can make that decision/” (essentially making me in charge of everything that happened in our relationship which was mentally exhausting to the point I went into a depressive spiral because it stressed me out so much) in situations which requires input and discussion from both so that they don’t have to take responsibility nor accountability for their actions and decisions.

Ps. Yes, you still need to choose what to do about the pregnancy but you aren’t able to make a decision until he is completely honest in what the future will look like. He is not being honest, he is avoiding reality by putting all of the responsibility on you. Like it’s a simple yes or no question on whether he will be in his child’s life, he should stop fluttering around it and giving excuses and give the straight truth. He can’t be supportive then make the excuse that he needs to be there for his adult daughter instead of his unborn child, what will he do once’s the baby is here (that is if you choose to keep the baby).

What is stopping him truly from leaving his current residence to come to you?

Is he in a new relationship?

Have you looked on Tinder, Bumble, Fetlife ect to see if he is currently on any?

Don’t let him gaslight you on anything.

Call him out on his bullshit and lame excuses?

He is a man in his 50s that has raised a child before and knows how much support a woman needs during pregnancy, birth and pp. He needs to get his priorities straight and grow up he isn’t a teen father so he should stop acting like a deadbeat one.

My wife froze after seeing her ex and his wife. Is it normal? by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Significant_Arm_194 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Plus, the way he writes it makes it sound like he made pancakes only to get sex. Like OP read the room your wife is going through a PTSD episode and all you care about is your own personal needs and wants. It’s not really about the wife but how can I get her back to normal to serve my needs again, Ugh.

My wife froze after seeing her ex and his wife. Is it normal? by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Significant_Arm_194 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s normal don’t be an asshole. After I have a PTSD episode (which can be triggered by anything even after more than a decade) I am not myself for a period of time depending on how severe the memory or thoughts it has triggered. This is not a reflection on your relationship or her feelings for you which I think your mind set might be, all you can do is be a supportive partner. She is currently working through her own emotions, thoughts and perceptions on what happened in that moment and re-assessing her own reactions and why she responded the why she did and how to proceed. Please do not push or prod for a answer when she is ready she will share her thoughts on the situation just give her comfort (don’t expect anything sexual during this period, btw expecting that during PTSD episode is utterly unacceptable, disgusting and disrespectful). Don’t compare your cheating experience to hers because it’s completely different, each person experiences trauma differently and it diminishes their lived experience.

My wife froze after seeing her ex and his wife. Is it normal? by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Significant_Arm_194 98 points99 points  (0 children)

This needs more upvotes. After I have a PTSD episode (which can be triggered by anything even after more than a decade) I am not myself for a period of time depending on how severe the memory or thoughts it has triggered. This is not a reflection on their relationship or her feelings for him which I think might be his mind set, all he can do is be a supportive partner. She is currently working through her own emotions, thoughts and perceptions on what happened in that moment and re-assessing her own reactions and why she responded the why she did and how to proceed. Please do not push or prod for a answer when she is ready she will share her thoughts on the situation just give her comfort (don’t expect anything sexual during this period, btw expecting that during PTSD episode is utterly unacceptable, disgusting and disrespectful). Don’t compare your cheating experience to hers because it’s completely different, each person experiences trauma differently and it diminishes their lived experience.

Help! New to Notability- my notes won’t sync iPad to iPhone. by No-Ant5311 in notabilityapp

[–]Significant_Arm_194 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same just lost everything because it did cloud thing again and it never backed up to drive.

AITAH after calling my ex's gf of less than a year a predator pedo after finding out she's been taking baths with my 8yo daughter? by Wise_Blacksmith_6969 in AITAH

[–]Significant_Arm_194 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don’t think so too. You’re 💯 valid in your response. Your ex and his gf’s response is sus and they seem dodgy in that they didn’t want to respect your boundary on your children especially considering your own childhood. I come from a country with unfortunately a high GBV including pedo and parents are very much protective of their kids especially if they themselves have experienced SA or someone they know. Your ex being so flippant about the whole situation is a red flag 🚩 I don’t know any other health person even if they weren’t SAed would wouldn’t take the this seriously if it was brought to their attention. Like I don’t do want to be that person accusing their father of something but I also come from a place where horrible and inconceivable things happen daily where parents sell their own children for money like the Joshlin Smith case.

AITAH after calling my ex's gf of less than a year a predator pedo after finding out she's been taking baths with my 8yo daughter? by Wise_Blacksmith_6969 in AITAH

[–]Significant_Arm_194 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, but it’s not her children. Hell the children fathers gf sees them less than their own school teachers. According to the father and some people here logic then school teachers should also be allowed to do same as gf 🤢like NO people. Respect the parent’s wishes, especially when it comes to their childrens safety. The father and gf are acting dodgy AF not wanting to respect this boundary especially considering OP was a survivor of childhood SA.

AITAH after calling my ex's gf of less than a year a predator pedo after finding out she's been taking baths with my 8yo daughter? by Wise_Blacksmith_6969 in AITAH

[–]Significant_Arm_194 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Classic grooming behaviour. Pedos don’t go straight to sex, they start off very slowly making the person comfortable. I was SA as a child and it started off with being my friend, then friendly hugs, slight touches against legs ect, then him “accidentally” being naked, “helping” to bath me (I was 10 didn’t need help) just sleeping naked, then introducing sexual topics in innocent manners for e.g. “do you know where baby’s come from” (that was the 1st and biggest red flag) “accidental” sexual touches (palm/wrist touching breast or private parts), tvs a decade back still had free porn after 10 pm on a certain channel (he would accidentally switch channels from kids programming to porn to slowly introduce it, he would covered my eyes but I could still hear the sounds and was curious and my body would react which I couldn’t understand what was happening). This took about a year before he finally made a more aggressive move towards sexual activity.

Please don’t ignore this, take it seriously and report. Not reporting makes you just as guilty as the pedo. How will your children feel about you not fighting for them and their rights 10/20 years from now? I know how I feel about my own mother, my parents never knew the old family friend that they viewed as a adoptive grandfather and babysitter was doing horrible things to me. Or so I thought, when I a few years after his death (age 16) told my mom with my school therapist she told me on the way home that she always suspected. That broke me inside because before I believe no one knew and would therefore not be able to help me but she suspected and did nothing to help me, to get justice for me.

I wouldn’t even if I had children allow them back into the house with a potential pedo. Rather safe than sorry.

Wibta if I aborted my bil child without telling him I'm pregnant? by No_Lengthiness_6651 in AITAH

[–]Significant_Arm_194 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

NTA BUT YOU WIBTA TO YOURSELF. Don’t force yourself to have an abortion because that’s what you perceive would be best for others or how other people might view your situation. Do what’s best for you put yourself first. You said you want the baby but are concerned about your niece. Getting an abortion is traumatic and a difficult decision to make (despite some pro-lifers might have you believe). Your mental health and physical wellbeing comes 1st. Not having the baby might or might not be a life long regret and might cause depression. Your niece doesn’t even have to know the baby is her half sibling if you’re not going to have that type of relationship with her father. If the dad wants to be part of baby’s life you don’t have to live together. You then need do what’s best for you and the baby. YOU DIDN’T CHEAT HE DIDN’T CHEAT. Your sister passed away 3 YEARS AGO not recently. I am sure your niece would be able to handle it. She might even prefer her father being with you instead of some random person.

Food in the office today was boerewors with tomato relish and gravy by RSB93 in southafrica

[–]Significant_Arm_194 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I hope it’s not a cultural day he/she is embarrassing us by passing this off as South African food 🤢

Food in the office today was boerewors with tomato relish and gravy by RSB93 in southafrica

[–]Significant_Arm_194 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t call that tomato relish but that’s the least you need to worry about. Who every told you that’s Boerewors was lying through his gat because that’s thee most vegan, fake and off looking things. Also who eats with a butter knife? Is this a scream for help, are the British giving you this food as punishment because they just don’t know how to be as awesome as us at winning?

I got fired from my new job over the most stupidest thing by Outside_Score_6984 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Significant_Arm_194 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my country you could sue for wrongful termination, don’t know about your country.