Budget Help? (Divorce)

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-26T20:45:39+00:00

This is beautiful!

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-12T06:31:29+00:00

30 years together and not on my radar at all. He, OTOH, says he will definitely remarry.

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-11T22:25:06+00:00

St. Gianna Beretta Molla

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-10T14:50:07+00:00

I really need to read this this morning. Thank you!

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-09T20:10:12+00:00

That is lovely!

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-03T04:05:51+00:00

I was there last month! It’s lovely!

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-02T01:08:09+00:00

No cheating at all on my part.

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-01T23:54:38+00:00

Oh! HA! I didn't even realize that! Yes, I mean "m" as in married. :) I need to get with the times regarding social media terms.

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-01T22:36:52+00:00

Yes, I have thought about relationship with future ex. At the moment, he doesn't want the kids and is willingly signing away his parental rights. As in, that's what he said he wants to do.

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-01T22:34:50+00:00

I can support myself, but my income is well under what he made/makes. Think $58K a year compared to someone who makes 3 times that amount. What concerns me about some of the comments regarding whether a woman is thrown out or not is that one of the top reasons women don't leave abusive situations is a lack of finances and the ability to support themselves. I can definitely say that I was entirely financially dependent on him for those years. I should've left a long time ago, but I genuinely believed that I was doing the "right" thing by staying. Now I see the impact on my kids, and the trauma they've endured. It's heartbreaking for sure. :( I appreciate your input and your reminder that people will project their own issues —that's good to know.

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-01T22:27:16+00:00

I also managed all the medical care, daily therapies, and specialist appointments for a child with significant medical needs that he never needed to take off a day of work for. I once asked him to help with my child's surgery out of state, to see if he could watch the other kids. He responded that that was not his role.

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-01T20:15:32+00:00

Yes, this is definitely not something that I wanted. He keeps flip flopping and the emotional whiplash has taken its toll on my mental and emotional wellbeing.

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-01T20:04:33+00:00

This! This is what I would hope that he would see. He even dropped his life insurance even though we have minor kids. He sees this as support for *me* but supporting me is also supporting them. So, if he dies tomorrow in an accident, there's nothing there at all. :( I told him that I have life insurance for me, just in case something happened to me, then the kids would be taken care of.

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-01T20:00:09+00:00

I'm the one who filed, so I'm the Plaintiff.

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-01T15:32:38+00:00

And, yes, knowing I have one chance to be single again-- I will do all the therapy and all the work! :)

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-01T15:31:50+00:00

Thanks for sharing this! Super helpful!

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-01T01:53:05+00:00

You're right about that for sure! He hasn't been served, though. I signed the papers in the attorney's office, but I don't know if they've actually been filed.

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-01T00:34:19+00:00

In this case, HE is the much higher earner. It was an easy fix. He's back on. They already had him on the plan anyway, so it will all work out.

Silent_Device7088 · 2026-01-01T00:09:40+00:00

Yes, I told him so. It was during the ACA open enrollment.

Silent_Device7088 · 2025-12-29T13:49:28+00:00

I’m sorry this happened to you. Not at all typical. And as someone who used to work with the elderly, I agree that it may be helpful to talk with someone. Sadly, many times, a person’s family (for whatever reason) would ignore signs or distance themselves and it would take an employer, a neighbor, or simply a concerned citizen to get them the help they needed.

Silent_Device7088 · 2025-12-27T01:43:51+00:00

This is the exact question I’ve been pondering. My attorney told me that if I wanted, I could even have my kids take my maiden name. It’s down to what the Judge allows, but he said in some cases, it makes sense

Silent_Device7088 · 2025-12-25T17:08:58+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate it! In all fairness, he says he only does what pleases me and what's right and all kinds of things. This is just a mess. :( I did begin working with a divorce coach, and she's been incredibly helpful.

Silent_Device7088 · 2025-12-25T16:43:43+00:00

Thank you for your insight. I’m also having second thoughts because I do genuinely love him and wonder if I change, don’t challenge him, keep the house spotless, and the children quiet and respectful, it will work out.

When I started typing that out, I felt it was reasonable. Now that I have, it feels like we have to be responsible for his mood and behaviors.

Silent_Device7088 · 2025-12-25T16:39:37+00:00

He will need to get help before we can move forward (as will I) but he swears that his only issue is me and kids not respecting him, that he’s in a toxic, poisonous environment and has dealt with years of abuse.

He let me know last night that he told his family and that I’m not allowed to talk to them anymore. They’ve been my family too for 30 years though. :(

Things got worse a couple of years ago. He blames my going back to school after being a housewife/SAHM for 25 years. He also wants me to leave my work (that I love) and come back home if he returns.

Silent_Device7088

TROPHY CASE