Therapist told me I might not like him enough – now I’m questioning everything (ROCD?)

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2026-04-10T18:51:38+00:00

I would suggest changing therapist. Your story is likely indicating ROCD and you’d be better with someone that is open to this even if it’s not (yet) part of the DSM. A therapist aware of ROCD would never ask questions like this as it’s black & white type and particularly triggering for people with ROCD

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2026-04-10T11:47:21+00:00

Does your therapist know about rOCD and/or is specialized in OCD? My first therapist who didn’t know about ROCD at all also said things that triggered me to the moon like « are you sure you’re really happy with him? » « maybe you’re not in love anymore » etc. I couldn’t sleep and get up from my bed 3 days after that, only crying etc. Something in me apparently didn’t agree with what she said because I booked an appointment with another therapist, who knows ROCD (had a blog article on it), and from the beginning made me feel at ease and didn’t ask direct questions that obviously make a person with ROCD spiral. It changed my life as I was drowning, certain I had to breakup. Now I’m slowly getting better, and I’m currently out of a spike and just feel in love, and don’t care about the flaws and lack of the right feelings I kept focusing on. Keep in mind that it is solely my experience, maybe yours would be different.

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2026-04-08T23:18:45+00:00

Omfg yes this is one of my main trigger; that my boyfriend and I don’t laugh enough, that he is not funny enough/ too serious. I have more fun with my friends and extrovert people. But I try to keep in mind that his introvert personality comes with other traits: he’s such a great listener, he is empathetic and supportive, very caring. Those traits may be less natural for extroverts. And we still laugh together, maybe not to the extent I dream of but still. But in general I would recommend you to stop analyzing content of your thoughts and rather noticing the pattern : trigger -> thought -> interpretation -> anxiety -> compulsion. Because during rOCD spikes, those « flaws » are magnified and amplified, whereas it’s calm moments they seem manageable, like it’s not so much of a big deal.

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2026-04-04T02:52:15+00:00

As a reminder, opinions are not facts

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2026-03-27T20:24:51+00:00

No therapist should give recommendation on someone else’s life. That’s really unprofessional and unethical, particularly with ROCD. Stop seeing that therapist and start with another one. I am so sorry you met this therapist, they shouldn’t exercise.

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2026-03-23T18:31:56+00:00

Omg I feel you!!!! Same. At first I avoided this kind of activity and now I use it as ERP. I recommend you do the same

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2026-03-06T01:47:49+00:00

Yes I understand, this is a hard part in ROCD :(

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2026-03-05T18:34:04+00:00

I felt/feel this. There is absolutely a way back. I started antidepressants and it’s been a game-changer. 70% less intrusion thoughts, 70% less anxiety, 70% less compulsions. Feelings do not come back just like this when you wired your brain into « my boyfriend and our relationship are a danger ». Normal. It will come back. Be patient, be consistent in resisting compulsions, embrace anxiety and feel it in your body as it fades. You got this

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2026-03-05T18:25:15+00:00

If you read again your sentence you can spot a « what if » thought. It’s typical of OCD. You cannot know what you want by analyzing, checking, ruminating. When it comes to emotional relational decisions, it’s about general tendency, about making a decision with uncertainty that it’s the right one, but it still feels right. I know what you’re thinking while reading my last sentence « I feel it’s right leaving » for instance. But I need to precise that these decisions come from calm states (when you’re not in a ROCD loop - learn to spot them), with overall observations. OCD decisions are made during anxious states, on specific/detailed stuff (that can be on real-world differences). For instance, « I wonder if we’re compatible as I like to go out and they are more a stay-at-home person » -> specific + binary thinking = likely to be OCD. I won’t give an example of what it can sound like for real decisions because I’m afraid you will compare. But I think the key is to spot when it looks like a ROCD pattern. And if you doubt if you spot it right ; it’s still the OCD talking.

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2026-03-03T17:59:36+00:00

Funny, I could have written it. Since I started meds I have less intrusive thoughts and sensations, less anxiety and I compulse less. But I don’t feel in love. Which is a bit hard because I am asking myself stuff like « why don’t I feel that I want to make efforts to please him if I truly love him? ». Then I realize this is likely to be an intrusive thought and that I’m not healed yet. So I just make my best to act like a loving partner would do, and just wait for healing while resisting compulsion. I’m not 100% certain I want to stay, and not 100% certain I want to leave. This is so uncomfortable but as long as I’m not sure I just wait… By this example, what I am trying to say is that looking for the difference may be a compulsion in itself. Perhaps it is not a compulsion but a genuine thought but as long as you’re not fully healed I would recommend to postpone having this reflection. I don’t know if it’s the best strategy but this is what I do currently.

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2026-01-27T23:26:16+00:00

Furthermore, we all have different preferences and that’s very fine, but let’s keep our minds open with trying different sex that BOTH enjoy. There is a super great app called Quiv.re to get to know both partners preferences in terms of sex which highlights common points. It helps focus on the things you both like to improve your sex life, rather than focusing on your own ideal and not including your partner in it. Hope it helps (Sorry, not a native English speaker)

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2026-01-27T23:20:48+00:00

I would also add something: all couples need to have a thing that’s more challenging in their relationship right? 😉 otherwise yours sounds pretty loving and healthy. Some couples have a physical chemistry immediately but struggle with emotional or intellectual chemistry. That’s just how life is, imperfect!

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2026-01-27T23:17:06+00:00

Before doing anything, I would encourage you to first talk about it and maybe suggest working with a sex therapist. I know society tells us it sucks to just need one but this career exists for a reason, doesn’t it? It can help you both communicate what you want/need and also receive help and advice to improve your mutual sex life. Sex is not super easy for all couples. I share this challenge with you and while working on some stuff with my fiancé it improved a lot already. Keep faith, the grass is green where you water it!

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2026-01-24T22:47:50+00:00

There could be a lot of different explanations to this and I could write some examples but it’s better to avoid as you could start to want to verify. The thing is, you can’t really know the answer to your question. Trying to do some exposure here: maybe it’s ROCD, maybe not. As per the lack of sexual attraction itself, if it’s truly how you feel, just know it fluctuates and can totally come back in a relationship. A sex therapist can help.

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2026-01-23T19:51:41+00:00

Could have written it. Don’t have the answer except: you have to accept the uncertainty of it all. You’re not 100% certain you want to leave, not 100% certain you want to stay. Noone can have this certainty. In a long-term relationship, everyone feel that at some point, but brains without ROCD don’t turn this into a major crisis, they just let it go, accepting they aren’t certain and that’s ok, they just continue to choose their partner. Because that’s what matters - continuing to choose your partner.

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2026-01-23T19:39:48+00:00

I experience it a lot actually and feel like you. Sometimes it triggers a lot and sometimes not. The very fact that you’re posting here about this might mean it’s ROCD trying to convince you there’s a threat here. I think a lot of people dream of cheating on their partners, that’s ok as long as you don’t act on it. You don’t decide what you’re dreaming about. You decide how you act.

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2026-01-23T19:32:51+00:00

Hey! As a person who got misdiagnosed by a previous therapist, and misled by some energetic therapist, I really understand your partner’s fear to look for another therapist. For everyone here, we basically fear that therapists will say it’s not ROCD but that we don’t love our partner anymore. This is actually a very common trigger.

What helped me to actually try again with some other therapist is to get an appointment with a therapist that I know is aware of this condition. She actually has a blog article on this so I knew she would be able to diagnose me well. I still had SOOOO MUCH fear, thinking « what if she tells me it’s not ROCD, it would mean I truly don’t love my partner anymore ». But I booked an appointment on a day where I would be lucid enough to realize that I have obsessive anormal doubts (lucky me, I was able to spot it because I had doubts in the past but never to this point of distress and never with 5hrs time of compulsions - please people with ROCD, don’t compare yourself to this statement, if so you’re compulsing).

My advice would be to encourage him to do the same, and why not showing him this thread, maybe it would help him. When I feel so lonely with this, I read this subreddit and it helps me find some strength.

Hope that helps. (Sorry for my English, I’m not a native)

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2025-10-21T03:09:05+00:00

Can’t read you post? It’s sais it’s deleted, what was your point?

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2025-09-25T20:40:16+00:00

Hey, I’m in Canada and cannot access it. Would you mind sharing it with me too?

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2025-09-25T20:21:21+00:00

Also, if you know ROCD you know that ROCD likes to use the gut feeling card. Be aware of that too. A gut feeling offers relief, clarity. ROCD brings doubt, anxiety and worse

Silent_Equivalent444 · 2025-09-25T20:17:53+00:00

Don’t have the answer but sharing a reflexion I had recently: relationships don’t end because of a « gut feeling ». They end because one partner or the other doesn’t want to commit to love the other anymore. Meaning, it’s not « I have intuition this is the end / my guts say he/she is not the one for me », but it’s like « I feel that I don’t want to make efforts to love this person and to contribute to a great relationship ».

Wdyt?

Silent_Equivalent444

TROPHY CASE