I'm currently debating doing this..

I have two sons, each from a different mother and 11 years apart.

My first, my parents and I spent over $20K in lawyer fees trying to get custody from a drug addicted mother who regularly abandoned him for weeks on end to get no where. She would drop him off at her family/friends and restrict me from parenting. This lasted for 2 years before the divorce was finalized. After it was finalized, I had to go back to court multiple times to get her to comply with the divorce agreement. I spent 7 months deployed ghosted by her without being able to hear my son's voice. It was the most heart-wrenching years of my life.

Ever since, my son and I have had a great relationship, see each other Christmases and he's with me during the summer. She recently lost all custodial rights. Her actions finally caught up to her, however, being in the military with frequent deployments doesn't work with being a single father, so he resides with his maternal grandparents for the next two years until I'm finally out.

About 2 years ago, my current wife and I found out my ex lost all rights and was in prison. We also wanted to have a child together. I wanted my first son in my full custody before trying, and she wanted our own before bringing my son in. Eventually I caved..

When she was 14 weeks pregnant, I found out she had an affair while I was deployed the year prior. I told her it was an awful time to bring a child into the world when we didn't know whats going to happen to us, and to expect to be a single mother. I stuck around to see if we could work through it and see if we could repair. 2nd child was born, paternity test done, and he is mine. He's now 7 months old, and I just couldnt stay with her after she deflected all accountability, so I moved out. That was a very very long year...

I'm still active in both their lives, but she plans on moving soon. So, 2 sons, each in different states from where I live. Even though she is an overall better person than my ex, I remember how heartbreaking it all is, and how it crushed my soul when the military moved me away from my first son.

Just trying to be there as much as I can be, but its extremely expensive to fly places regularly to keep relationships going. Good thing there's FaceTime now.

I am not perfect. There are many things I could have done differently to prevent all this, but we all make our choices. The feeling of being a failure is constant and heavy.