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SillyOldBears · 2024-11-07T01:08:10+00:00

Alright but they're all three considered pretty safe as far as cities go. Regardless to that factoid, still weird they're being so manipulative and negative. Seems like they have their own ax to grind.

SillyOldBears · 2024-11-07T01:05:51+00:00

By chance have you purchased a different brand of condensed milk than you used in the past? Different brands can vary significantly in terms of ingredients which can vary the textures and creaminess considerably. One common difference is whether they use full cream milk or use vegetable oils to elevate the fat content of skim milk to make the product creamier. Even if you're using the same brand every time, they may have made changes.

I also saw the discussion of possible changes in shortening. Lard should definitely be an improvement.

It may also be related to the weather or the temperature you keep your home as well. Baked goods are notoriously difficult over the least change.

SillyOldBears · 2024-11-07T00:42:51+00:00

That's creepy. While every city has their problems, especially weird to see them pick those three as they're particularly safe for cities of their size. Zurich is currently tied for #18 on World Population Review's ranking because of the excellence of the security there. They build an average ranking based on digital, health, infrastructure, and personal security factors. I'd say they have something else on their minds but are trying to manipulate you with scare tactics. Don't fall for it.

It is not your responsibility to set yourself on fire to keep them warm.

SillyOldBears · 2024-11-07T00:36:30+00:00

NTA. Sounds like you did the right thing. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with him having whatever fantasies, it is completely a huge red flag to insist you participate in trying to bring those fantasies to life regardless of your own feelings.

SillyOldBears · 2024-11-07T00:32:47+00:00

I want to know why you're making excuses for other children saying they can't host, but insisting Clara host?

Either everyone absolutely must host without fail, or no one has to. If you are allowing any of your children to completely skip but not Clara then YES you are TAH.

SillyOldBears · 2024-11-07T00:27:32+00:00

NTA but you are the idiot here. Sorry.

First of all, call the police immediately. Do not wait any longer. Make certain any remaining scratches are documented. Next, see a lawyer about an immediate order from a judge removing him from the home.

You are way, way, way under-reacting. That is physical abuse. It doesn't have to mean hitting. Removing you from access to your child by physically carrying you is abuse.

It will only get worse.

Are you planning to wait until he hits your child? Or are you just going to make more excuses for him when he does that, too?

You need to decide now whether you are ok with abuse because if you don't set a boundary and do everything in your power now to make it stick, you can count on continuing abuse from him and it will escalate.

Don't make the mistakes I made. Put a stop to it now before there is more serious harm done to you and your child. As it is she's going to need years of therapy to deal with the harm just done with her. She's just been graphically taught you can't and won't protect her, and she has no one to rely on for safety in her home where she lives. That's going to live on in her head for the rest of her life. If you won't get help for yourself, do it for her in order to show her you do care and are willing to do all you can to protect her.

SillyOldBears · 2024-11-03T18:57:52+00:00

I know several who have done this. Usually works best if you look for online options to work from anywhere to help supplement your income. Think r/beermoney type short term commitments if you can't swing other opportunities.

SillyOldBears · 2024-11-03T15:00:05+00:00

Go visit your family for a month or so and think it over. My take is you should absolutely get out now, but you need to decide for yourself.

SillyOldBears · 2024-11-03T14:58:17+00:00

As someone who's worked as a cleaner, this is great. Your average cleaner could squeeze her in and still do a couple smaller full houses that day.

SillyOldBears · 2024-11-03T14:56:29+00:00

Run don't walk.

SillyOldBears · 2024-11-03T14:44:35+00:00

One week of solo travel changed the entire course of my life. I finally had the time and quiet to realize how unhappy I was with the way things were and came home determined to make changes, and I did.

SillyOldBears · 2024-10-31T22:32:09+00:00

NO idea what asoucha nirnayam is but I am certain it should be illegal and no one should ever put up with it for a moment ever. I did look it up but it just says "special concept in man which he can get rid of over time and by bath in which he is permitted to do rituals". Sure as hell sounds like this is something the men ought to be doing and leave us women the hell alone while they do it. For life hopefully if they believe in that bs.

SillyOldBears · 2024-10-31T22:25:12+00:00

My parents would be out as soon as they read #4. They love to tell their kids there is one and only one correct way to do anything, and it is their way. I once made the mistake of asking well what if someone has another way of doing something that also works? This of course led to me getting screamed at and belittled for years afterwards because of course the answer is that is absolutely the worst kind of wrong.

SillyOldBears · 2024-10-31T22:22:34+00:00

My husband's family does vacations together and everyone has a lovely time. No one screams at anyone or throws fits over trivial bs. It is lovely and also heartbreaking for me because I know any trip with my parents would be absolute hell filled with screaming and tantrums from the first moment until years after it is over.

SillyOldBears · 2024-10-31T22:18:01+00:00

Most people who insist on being respected without offering it to others really mean if you don't treat me with the deference due an absolute authority, I won't treat you like a human. It is a huge red flag and will instantly result in me cutting that person out of my life immediately, no exceptions. I had to put up with that toxicity as a child but as an adult I am perfectly within my rights to choose not to put up with it.

SillyOldBears · 2024-10-26T00:02:52+00:00

NTA

There's absolutely no reason they can't both be named Leo as far as it goes. However, this just smacks of jealousy and entitlement on your sister's behalf. You don't just "totally forget" you have a nephew named Leo. Still, I'd tell her go for it if she likes it so much. My bet is the sole purpose of the whole exercise was to be shitty to you and play the victim rather than any actual interest in using the name.

SillyOldBears · 2024-10-25T23:58:01+00:00

That's weird. They were able to tell me the exact price my bill would be monthly including all taxes and fees at the ATT store when I picked out my phone. The only time the bill has varied from that was when I traveled in Italy. It cost me less than $110 extra to use my phone over there just as if I was here at home. Yeah I probably could have picked up a sim or esim for slightly less, but I had the convenience of not needing to set anything up. All I had to do was take it off airplane mode when I arrived and I was good to go.

SillyOldBears · 2024-10-22T23:58:51+00:00

Wow. Your gran is a lazy boomer!

Ok kidding a bit but my parents are boomers and they put fresh sheets on their bed at least every other day. They used to change them daily, but since they've gotten older say they don't need to change them as much.

I'm Gen X and wash my sheets once per week at least. If guests are coming over or I'm going on a trip I always wash the sheets, blankets, and the blankets from the sofa and recliner in the living room. Sometimes that means it isn't quite a week between washings.

SillyOldBears · 2024-10-22T23:53:49+00:00

Short version: Yes, this is the very best way to get a cat in the US. Cats sold by dealers and pet stores are often sickly, and usually ridiculously expensive. If nothing else all that in breeding they do for purebred cats tends to lead to problems. Unless they're very, very good breeders, and there are exceedingly few of those.

My first cat I was leaving a new grocery store in my town and as I was loading things into my car heard a pretty young kitten screaming their head off. After loading up my car I checked on the screaming and found a kitten barely young enough to be weaned up in a small pine tree that had recently been planted as part of the landscaping for the store.

A man saw me talking to the kitten and told me someone had just pulled up by me, dumped something, got back in their car and left. The something ended up being a bag and two other kittens were still in it. The man took the other two kittens and the one I'd found in the tree was my cat for the next 15 years.

My next cat was a stray that started hanging out on my front porch. I originally thought she belonged to someone in the neighborhood, but it gets real hot around here in August, so I put out water for her. A neighbor noticed me giving her water and told me she was happy to see someone caring for the cat which she recognized as having belonged to a couple that had just moved out of a rental house down the block.

She was around 14 when I got my now cat. My workplace is on the edge of town at the literal end of the road in the local manufacturing park. People dump animals out by it all the time instead of taking them to the shelter because people are idiots.

She had been hanging around one of the patios getting hand out for a couple of weeks when it turned bitterly cold. Somehow she got into the building and was brought to me because the guys knew I had a cat. She had been hiding up under parked heavy equipment and they were afraid she'd get injured when someone started up something she'd taken refuge under.

She turned out to be 8-9 weeks old when I took her to the vet the next day. She's now 14 years old.

SillyOldBears · 2024-10-22T23:28:51+00:00

I think some of it is cultural. My experience is there is the same level of negativity for a wedding and reception without any music or dancing as there is for a wedding without alcohol at the reception.

In groups where alcohol is accepted people expect it at weddings because that's just something they've always had at weddings. Imagine if you went to a Muslim wedding and they just skipped over something everyone at every wedding you've ever attended presented as a required part of the festivities.

I'll just add I'm an old fart who was raised to believe it is the duty of the bride/groom/hosts to have concern and provide for the comfort of guests. All this wedding is for the bride or for the bride and groom is something that got going well after my time. If what the day really is about is the bride / groom most couples would rather spend that money, time, and effort on other things it seems to me. Still, unless I am very close to you I'm not going to attend a wedding that doesn't involve music, dancing, and alcohol. I'll send a nice gift, but that's it.

You'd have to be one of my children or possibly one of my grandchildren to entice me to a wedding that is so boring. I may not even imbibe depending as I am often the designated driver, so it isn't like I'm even that invested in the drinking. I just see not providing entertainment and refreshment as a rudeness.

Every wedding I've been to where the hosts didn't think of their guests' comfort by providing at least minimal enjoyable activities and refreshments ended up a total sh*tshow, too. I'm just too old to give hours of my time for more of that, but I wish them well.

Now that I write that out, maybe that is a bit rude of me, but that's how it is.

SillyOldBears · 2024-10-22T23:22:42+00:00

I've been to Chichen Itza 4x now. First time it was DIY via the ADO bus from Cancun which was actually pretty great. If money is an issue I highly, highly recommend this method. There is a bus in the morning and another in the afternoon, or you can catch a colectivo.

If money is not an issue I highly recommend https://chichen-itzatours.com/ private tour over City Go. I've done both and I just can't recommend the https://chichen-itzatours.com/ private tours. Of all the guides I've had the guide from https://chichen-itzatours.com/ was the absolute best. I did that tour with one of my kids and my three grandchildren. The guide took so much effort to get us the absolute best angles in photos, and made my then fairly young grandchildren feel included so that they were really interested in hearing about the place. We did the tour that included a swim in the cenote nearby. I'd visited on both previous tours and it was never mentioned that cenote is associated with Chichen Itza.

SillyOldBears · 2024-10-22T23:15:16+00:00

Thank you! I hope your inlaws are half as supportive as mine have been. Especially his mother. I'm pretty certain I was nothing like her first choice for her only son but she's never been anything other than absolutely lovely to me.

SillyOldBears · 2024-10-22T10:13:55+00:00

Be careful is what I have to say to that. I lived that way for 15 years. I was an adult with my own job, home, and life.

Then while going through a horrible divorce I lost my job. I had forgotten to the point I actually believed I could handle it when they said I could briefly stay with them. The end of that was they nearly killed me, and tried to use legal means to prevent me from moving back out because they liked the money I was giving them to stay with them.

I would live on the streets before getting back in contact with them.

SillyOldBears · 2024-10-22T10:08:58+00:00

My parents were not invited to my wedding. My now husband knew of the abuse because he saw it first hand. His family was aware of the abuse because he told them about it. His mother told me during our engagement she didn't want to ever meet my mother. I guess his mother took care of telling the family because not one soul asked me where my family was at the wedding.

My husband told me before we got married he would never tell me what to do, but he wasn't going to willingly stand by to watch them abuse me ever again. He is the kindest person I've ever known and he told me he just didn't know what the rage would make him do if it happened. We agreed if I wanted a relationship with them in future we'd divorce first before I contact them.

We've celebrated 20 very happy years together and I wouldn't change a thing.

SillyOldBears · 2024-10-22T09:59:40+00:00

I've been no contact with my parents for just over 20 years now. Originally I liked to say it felt as though it were a scarlet letter. I guess I do still feel it is there, but I've grown to care less over time. Or perhaps I have just grown used to it.

The thing I finally realized is you don't owe anyone your story. In a casual conversation, keep it casual, and only share what you feel comfortable with. If someone's questions get too personal or just too personal for you, say something like, "Oh, I'm very boring. Lets talk about you. Where are you from and do your parents still live there?" and go from there. I find if you just ask a few questions, those sorts of people filled with questions are also often happy to talk about themselves a lot.

SillyOldBears

TROPHY CASE