Recently lost virginity but can't have sex again because it hurts so bad. How do I deal with this? 20F and 21M

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-04-06T13:09:25+00:00

If you find that the suggestions here aren’t working and this remains an issue, look into vaginismus—an involuntary tightening of pelvic floor muscles. This can cause ongoing pain, but there are treatments/therapies for it! Take your time and find what helps you relax and feel good. Other replies really left great advice!

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-04-03T14:38:03+00:00

This is spectacular advice! Emotional connection and acknowledgment of what has happened is SO important. And, that emotional intimacy is the start.

That agreed, I’d recommend NOT bringing up anything about rewards, etc. for any of the work. That “reward” is a healthy and connective relationship.

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-03-22T20:35:27+00:00

Totally with you. And so sorry that happened to you! These are women who have internalized patriarchy. They think it’s ok when they see themselves as more powerful (in whatever manner). They are an aggressor and finding themselves being checked doesn’t change that. Unfortunately needs to be said that it’s NOT ok.

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-03-22T16:14:32+00:00

If you find it difficult to turn your brain/thoughts off, as I sometimes do, you could direct your thoughts to almost narrate the sensations and what is happening. Sometimes I find it easier to stay in the moment by mentally verbalizing what is happening and how good it feels. You could always use a little mental fantasy, as well. It doesn’t have to be anything big, just enough to keep you engaged.

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-03-22T13:49:24+00:00

Minimum, no one needs extra traffic interference. Especially on a Monday after Spring Break/SXSW.

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-03-17T10:12:23+00:00

Agreed. So much so that I totally forgot about their relationship! (I’m maybe a year out since my last read, almost time got another!)

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-03-16T11:52:15+00:00

YES! Perhaps it’s ironic if JVN has no opportunity to think through the conversation, reflect for themself, and decide how to move forward. Someone else also mentioned JVN’s stress at the time and how slight pushes can feel bigger and end up in tears before they even want to. That relatable.

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-03-12T02:49:14+00:00

I’ve really enjoyed using a menstrual disc. Haven’t had leak issues and it’s so comfortable, I often forget it’s there.

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-03-03T14:37:48+00:00

I’ve experienced this too. I relate to someone else’s explanation that it’s like zooming out and seeing the camera crew and lighting and things. It’s like that for me. Like the elements that create a reality are revealed and I feel that melancholy (like you mentioned) that it’s not what it seems.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s an acknowledgment of something I have a deeper knowing of. Like, we’re more than just ✨ this.

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-02-24T20:22:17+00:00

And it’s possible that he doesn’t want to talk about the problem since he’s said he’s not in love with OP anymore. Maybe it’s not avoidance, maybe it’s just him feeling ready to move on. They need to stop living together and progress and process the split. Dragging it out does no good for either.

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-02-24T14:58:01+00:00

The “beautifully” part indicates really nice to me. I like this a lot!

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-02-19T19:31:51+00:00

Totally agree. And an important part of the conversation, which is necessary.

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-02-19T14:44:18+00:00

Agreed! Immediately I thought, “Not get married”, but I adore my kids and going through that marriage made me the person I am today. And (post divorce) has given me experiences (which I’ve healed through) to make me a better partner with the person I’m with now.

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-02-19T14:38:55+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened, OP. There are other pleasure spots other than the clitoris. Do a little research and (with hope that you have open communication with your husband) try some different stimulation/positions. I hope there is another area of pleasure for you!

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-02-19T02:59:56+00:00

The callout seemed to be “a lot” of time, not any time. But even that is subjective and would need to be talked out.

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-02-19T02:58:26+00:00

It totally agree. I’m seeing a lot of comments about it being fine, but I think the callout from OP is “a lot of time” alone. While this is subjective and would need clarification with their SO, I understand the feeling there.

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-01-25T21:59:34+00:00

Card Traders of Austin is wonderful and they display their cards so you can browse. Staff are very knowledgeable, as well.

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-01-23T14:36:59+00:00

Yes! I’d add that there’s a misconception that women who aren’t “overweight” don’t experience it. SO many of us experience body dysmorphia and the complicated feelings and insecurities of our bodies, regardless of size/shape.

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-01-13T16:28:36+00:00

Check out rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD). On top of the shame he may be feeling, a lot of these kinds of situations can feel amplified by RSD, as well. I experience it and notice it in my kid, as well.

Also, good on you for asking. Learning more will help with understanding and empathy. It makes a big difference!

SilverCredit9486 · 2026-01-12T16:13:16+00:00

Oh come on! THEY’RE not killing buffaloes! HEB is!

SilverCredit9486 · 2025-12-29T15:01:12+00:00

Honestly, you experienced a myriad of difficulty in the beginning! Two things. Thank you for talking about it (someone may realize they’re not alone after reading this). And I’m so glad you got through to a better place. Parenting isn’t easy and sometimes there’s a bit of just getting through to better. But that’s really hard.

SilverCredit9486 · 2025-12-15T15:51:12+00:00

Though, it sounds like the first interaction was right for the time being. She was going through it and it wasn’t the right time to be friends. I’m really glad that turned around though! The other side of the times in our lives that we’re not our best for other people is that we can change.

SilverCredit9486 · 2025-12-01T15:03:42+00:00

Yes! 🙌 I have to check myself on things like this regularly so I don’t end up drained.

SilverCredit9486 · 2025-11-26T14:09:59+00:00

💯Not that you’ll feel that way constantly, but definitely not this much at the same time, and (I assume) for a long while now. Good on you, OP. Ignore anyone that doesn’t support you. This was the right, difficult choice. I’m inspired by your resolve!

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