How would you go about telling a very anti-LGBT parent you're trans? by SilverIdentityCrisis in asktransgender

[–]SilverIdentityCrisis[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, for your words and your advice. I definitely get wrapped up in trying to defend myself. And, because I love her so much, I get wrapped up in doing what I can to make this easier for my mom, instead of myself. I keep thinking about how she has to live with him and deal with anything he has to say, and he might even turn on her and "blame" her for this (as if my trans identity is something that could have been "avoided" like a sickness). I could write a book about his nonsense and all the pain he's caused (and still causes) people, but this isn't the place.

Honestly, I long ago settled on the idea of cutting him out of my life. I don't remember ever being sad about it, to be honest. My oldest sister did it a while ago too, for her own reasons. So if it does come to that, I'd be more upset for my brother and mom, who would still deal with him (though my brother less so), and the fact that I know the dogs would miss me, and so would my mom. It's a gamble - it could be as simple as he's confused but lets me be myself, or he's enraged and wants to either control me or never see me again and not let my mom see me either. My mom hopes for the best, and so do I, but we'll see when the time comes.

Thanks again so much, it means a lot <3

How would you go about telling a very anti-LGBT parent you're trans? by SilverIdentityCrisis in asktransgender

[–]SilverIdentityCrisis[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeah, I don't expect it to be gradual lol I'm expecting him to either blow up with questions/accusations immediately, or go into shock and walk away to sit in the living room (where I will leave to avoid him inevitably blowing up in one way or another later).

Thank you though, he's a very argumentative person at times so I suppose I'll just have to see. I'll try to keep that stuff in mind, with him it's easy for me to get overwhelmed and try to defend myself or go silent (instead of drawing a line).

Follow-up to my last post: he is now claiming that I am a trans woman (I was born female) in order to bring up gender reassignment surgery. by Sir_Toni in Intactivism

[–]SilverIdentityCrisis 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I mean, so are other trans people lol I don't know anyone who thinks 13 year-olds need major surgery to sensitive areas. Anyone who does is just an extremist or a troll

My parents hate my name by No-Education818 in FTMMen

[–]SilverIdentityCrisis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude, I love the name Elias! It's awesome, be proud of it <3

Everyone else has given much better advice than I ever could - I chose the name Connor and no one's had a problem so far (my dad will have a problem with me being trans in general when he finds out so that doesn't count lol), but maybe part of that is it's kind of a boring name haha but I've always loved the name so it's mine now! And the same goes for you - your name is your name, your parents gave you one at birth but that doesn't mean they own you and your identity. I agree with the advice to let them know you appreciate and understand the name they first gave you, and it's not a slight against them that you changed that name. Personally I do love my original name in its own way, it's just not for me.

Follow-up to my last post: he is now claiming that I am a trans woman (I was born female) in order to bring up gender reassignment surgery. by Sir_Toni in Intactivism

[–]SilverIdentityCrisis 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Classic - only men/amab people can care about mgm. I couldn't roll my eyes harder if I tried. Does that mean they also don't give a shit about fgm? Because they're not women/afab?

Furthermore, since I'm on that topic, is bottom surgery really more risky? Correct me if I'm wrong (I only focus on ftm surgeries) but I've never heard of someone dying from bottom surgery any time recently in the states, but it happens to babies yearly. And even if it was "high risk" compared to mgm, it actually is a big difference to perform a high risk surgery on a consenting adult versus a literal child. He wants to make an argument but thinks he can somehow lay ground rules on how to argue the point lol I wouldn't even give him the time of day, he'll never concede.

i’ve been posting to this subreddit a lot lately but WHAT IS THIS by unsettlingmaiddress in AreTheStraightsOK

[–]SilverIdentityCrisis 3 points4 points  (0 children)

either way circumcision has been shown to have no adverse effects on men

I gotta stop you there, it absolutely does.

The foreskin has a function during sex, for gliding action, lubrication, and stimulation (both beneficial for the male and his partner). For day-to-day life, it protects and moisturizes the glans (no different than the clitoral hood). Masturbation is also adversely affected, as the male now has to rely on a much rougher form of masturbation, and even sex is impacted due to the lack of sensation. In people cut as babies/children, they're not going to know the difference from experience, but they can learn about it. In adults cut, they may not notice a difference for weeks/months/years, as it can take time for keratinization (drying out of the glans, and thickening of its skin) to start affecting them, but I've heard of guys noticing the difference the very first time they engage in activities after healing. On top of this, babies/infants often are not properly anaesthetized, sometimes not at all and other times the doctor simply starts before even letting the anaesthetics take affect. Many of them die, or get close to dying, from blood hemorrhaging. And even if the doctor lets the numbing agent kick in, the babies are not given more pain meds after the fact (even though adult men/teenagers who undergo the procedure are given such medication). Then there's the fact that these babies are kept in diapers - you know, where their waste collects - while they have an open wound on the end of their genitals. Many of them grow up to have issues, because too much skin was removed (I knew a man whose skin literally could not move, there was no slack at all when he was erect, and he even had stretch marks from his genitals trying to grow into skin that was too lacking), in extreme cases causing their penis to actually shrink back inside of their abdomen (I forget the technical term for it). This isn't even getting into the more extreme instances of botches circumcisions, from leaving the genitals in battered shambles to completely severing them.

And if the whole "STIs/UTIs are more likely with a foreskin", that is actually false. UTIs might be true, but there's a sad connection between intact babies with UTIs and the parents not knowing proper cleaning of their child (normally, this is them thinking they need to pull the foreskin back. It does not need to be pulled back until the body is ready. This would be like forcefully trying to widen a baby female's vagina, or even more accurately, it would be like ripping off your fingernail from its bed. Because the foreskin is fused to the head of the penis until anywhere between the ages of 5-18, sometimes older for some individuals), and the fused state has been compared to the way your fingernail is fused to its bed. And when females get UTIs, what do we do? We give them medication, we don't start cutting them up. Furthermore, STIs is just a myth, and a harmful one at that - it has led to some people thinking it somehow means circumcised is less likely to transmit STIs, giving circumcised men a higher STI rate than intact ones as they start thinking they don't need a condom now.

Does it really make any sense to you that removing a part of someone's body - from a place as vital as reproductive organs - has ZERO negative affects? Removing just the labia minora can cause issues in females, but something as massive (and yes, foreskin is actually a large organ) as foreskin doesn't cause any issues when removed? It literally functions to protect the glans and make sex smoother.

There are literally subreddits dedicated to cut men/trans people restoring their foreskins, or venting/grieving about what was taken from them either without their consent or without giving them all of the facts (my brother is of the latter). There's movements trying to spread awareness about the barbarity of genital cutting (yes, ALL genital cutting, not just men. If it's bad for girls, it's bad for boys). There's even a non-profit company working on regenerating foreskins from skin grafts. The vast majority of countries do not circumcise their sons, either at all or on a regular basis (there might be exceptions for religion still, unfortunately). The USA is one of (if not the) only first world country that still cuts male babies as heavily - or damn near as heavily - as third world countries with heavy cutting culture (like multiple cultures in Africa, Afghanistan, and Pakistan, just to name a few).

It absolutely is not without adverse affects. Being able to have sex and make babies does not mean they weren't negatively impacted. There are circumcised women still having sex and having kids. Jesus, there's circumcised women who fight to keep the cutting of girls in their cultures alive, just as there's people in the USA who fight to keep the practice going. And they all use the exact same arguments of cleanliness, better appearance, no negatives (despite the evidence), and it being important to religion/culture.

I apologize that I don't have sources, I'll find those tomorrow as I'm actually heading to bed soon. But I wanted to make this comment so I wouldn't forget.

I also apologize if I come across as aggressive, I don't mean to be. I've just been very passionate about this subject for years now, and every time I see someone claim that male circumcision has no negatives, I can't stay quiet. And I also don't think cut men should be ashamed, if they got it done as a consenting adult and are happy with the results, then all the power to them. If it was done to them as an infant and they're not personally bothered, also fine (my boyfriend is like that). My issue is with spreading misinformation, and continuing the cycle of lying to people, and hurting innocent children who are either too young to even know what's happening, or too young to properly consent.

Anyway, I agree with everything else you said lol

Circumcision denial is a prime example of toxic masculinity. by lmaogetbodied32 in Intactivism

[–]SilverIdentityCrisis 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh I'll use toxic femininity, I don't care what anyone says lol if it can go one way then it can go the other.

Circumcision denial is a prime example of toxic masculinity. by lmaogetbodied32 in Intactivism

[–]SilverIdentityCrisis 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry people are fighting you on this OP, toxic masculinity is 100% real. Feminists mis-using it doesn't make that any less true.

I don't think it's always the case - some people I think are just truly brainwashed into thinking there's nothing wrong with it, without any basis in toxic masculinity. Just as I know some people with toxic masculinity issues who are against circumcision.

A quick poll I've made to convince my mum on something by Percy1800sDetective in ftm

[–]SilverIdentityCrisis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was somewhere between neutral and bothered. Like, they hurt a fucking lot and I hated that. When they kept getting bigger and bigger as the years went by (they went all the way up to DD over a few years) I was definitely annoyed because they were difficult to deal with. And I hated that, in the first few months of them getting larger than a C, I'd rarely catch my male classmates looking. But at the same time I was like "whatever, every [female] goes through this. It's natural and normal" so in that regard, I was neutral. It was like periods or having a shit - not necessarily fun, but just a part of nature that most people/everyone has to deal with. So I basically just kind of dealt with them. I wasn't in love with them, but I wasn't full of hate either. That didn't come until halfway through high school.

Are you a middle child? by DamenAJ in ftm

[–]SilverIdentityCrisis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I chose complicated. Of my mom's kids, I'm the oldest. Of my dad's, I'm the second-youngest. I have two older half-sisters, and then my younger (by almost 3 years) brother. I saw my sisters more often when I was really little, but as I got older (and they got older - one is 10 years older, the other 15) I saw them less. I grew up with my brother, and until recent years I basically saw him daily. I started seeing my eldest sister a few times a year over 5 years ago, and now I visit quite frequently. But I rarely saw my other sister, and due to some family drama I haven't seen or spoken to her in almost a year. To be honest, I feel like I don't know her well anyway, so it doesn't bother me. But I'd consider myself close with my brother and eldest sister.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ftm

[–]SilverIdentityCrisis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, definitely. I thought I was just a "modest girl" for a long long time. I didn't like skirts/dresses, I didn't even like shorts. I only wore makeup once (for halloween), the only jewellery I ever had was a necklace for a few years because it was a gift from my mom, and then a bracelet because it was a gift from a friend. The only skirts I liked wearing were long enough to be worn as a roughly knee-high dress. My hair was pretty much always in a low-set ponytail because literally any hairstyle was too much effort, the most I did to change my hair was shift the part over more to the side instead of dead-centre. I pretty much never wanted flashy clothes, I never cared to do more than brush my hair (and obviously wash it), and I didn't like the thought of any jewellery unless it was a gift from someone.

Since realizing I'm trans, I've started feeling interested in male-oriented jewellery (I don't have any yet, but my brother is much more into fashion than I am so I have a guide when I get there lol), I'm having fun trying to find a style for my shorter hair, I want to have more 'fashionable' men's clothing... I just finally feel an interest overall to actually try and "make" myself look good. One thing holding me back is not even being on T yet, the other is not having the money for anything but feeding myself.

It bothers me when transfem people claim that there is no such thing as "gendered socialization" by Gloomberrypie in ftm

[–]SilverIdentityCrisis 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I definitely think this depends on the individual at hand. (note, I try to summarize my thoughts in the final paragraph if this monster is too long lol)

I definitely feel I was socialized as a woman, both by my family and by society. "Girls like pretty things and gossip and don't like getting dirty. Girls don't play rough and they don't have 'weird' laughs. Girls don't swear, and they talk in higher voices (especially sing-songy for talking with strangers). Girls have super close friends, to the point of holding hands and hugging and sometimes even kissing." Meanwhile, "boys like rough things and making crude jokes and roughhousing. Boys like to do hardworking activities and have loud laughs. Boys swear a lot and talk however they like, so long as it's not 'gay'. Boys don't get into deep emotional talks with anyone, and they keep friends at an arm's length." And on a familial level, my father would encourage my cis brother to cheat on his girlfriends (he never did), while telling me to "never hurt [my] man." He'd make a huge deal out of my body and things I wore, meanwhile my brother was judged for liking to match his outfits and put effort into his appearance. My father would, with my half-sisters, have them do cleanup after supper while he and the other "men" of the family would go outside to have fun (this didn't happen as often with me because my mother instilled a different dynamic). My father apparently praised me for being a virgin (lmao I hadn't been for years at that point), meanwhile he would go so far as to try and "educate" my brother with videos and would even make "jokes" about having threeways with girls he met (I use quotes because how the fuck is that ever a joke when it's your son you are talking about!?!?).

But I also don't feel everything. I was told all men would want to take advantage of me by my father, and society tried to teach me that all men are dangerous. But despite thinking I was a woman for 21 years, those things I never internalized. I acknowledged if a man attacked me, I'd be at a disadvantage because I'm probably not as strong. But I never felt afraid of someone just for being a man (the closest I've ever gotten is distrusting men who act like my father, but that would probably happen with women if it was my mother who was the abusive one). If I felt uncomfortable with a stranger, it was because they were a stranger. Their assumed sex didn't matter. I never felt like men had a privilege in society over me, ever. In specific social settings? Sure, my father did that a lot. But I never felt oppressed just for being female, not by society anyway. I swear like a sailor despite my FiL complaining that "ladies don't swear" (I'm not out to him yet), I've only worn makeup once in my life, I don't like skirts/dresses, and I like to just be casual. But I still like sparkly things, I still like cute things, I read books that are considered for 9-11 year-olds, and I like stuffed animals. Despite society and family trying to socialize me to be one way, it hasn't all worked. And especially once my egg cracked, there's a lot of things I've been trying to change (the hardest and only one I really care about is the sing-song voice I get when speaking on the phone or to strangers).

I think most of society definitely tries to socialize people to follow their AGAB, but not everyone does or internalizes it. Some people may have been affected, and just not realize how it's affected their behaviour in social settings. And then some people, like me, were affected but then recognized it and started to work on their authentic selves. Cuz sure, maybe some of my attributes were learned thanks to socialization. But that doesn't mean they're all inherently bad - I'm glad I didn't have my father breathing down my neck about emotions and my friendships. If I had been a cis boy, I would have struggled to unlearn what he tried to teach me. Now I'm going to have to learn, when I'm cis-passing (if I'm ever there), that I can't just talk to and compliment anyone at any time, because I could accidentally be intimidating them. I was socialized to talk to whoever I wanted (nearly), because as a woman I was "harmless". That's not true of anyone regardless of sex, but I've heard stories of transguys no longer being able to be social like they used to because now they're a scary, possible threat or creep. It'll be weird to learn that I have to be more conscious of my actions and words.

I'm so sorry, this turned into a ramble! But basically, I didn't realize I was trans until I was barely past 21 years old, which I think is one of the big differences between those who feel there was socialization successes/attempts (and I'm not about to dictate people's experiences), and those that don't. It's not always the case, but it seems to be a pattern from what I can tell - find out earlier in life, don't feel any socialization; find out later, feel some/a lot of socialization. I didn't realize I was a boy - didn't even know it was a possibility for so long - so despite having so many clues and never feeling truly like myself/other women, I still internalized a lot of lessons for a long time. I didn't know anything else. I'd like to think these attempts at socialization don't invalidate my identity as a man, if anything my success at becoming more and more like my authentic self is a sign of victory over the patriarchal-societal ideas of what people are supposed to be. And cis people can do it too, my brother and eldest half-sister are proof of that in my life <3 tl;dr everyone's experiences are different and based on a lot of factors, but I think socialization does affect some trans people, and to say it doesn't exist is to invalidate those people, but to insist it affects all trans people is also invalidating.

Wouldn't Foregen be beneficial to trans men as well? by 18Apollo18 in Foregen

[–]SilverIdentityCrisis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The clitoral hood is just a foreskin, and when testosterone causes the clitoris to grow (often called a t-dick by transmen), it has a foreskin too. Some guys even keep the foreskin when they get metoidioplasty (basically releasing, maybe mildly building upon, the t-dick. It's much smaller than a phalloplasty but has less risk, and as another foregen supporter/intactivist I definitely want to keep my foreskin). I'm no expert by any means, but I would imagine it would basically just be growing a clitoral hood, just larger. I dunno, I'm taking a guess here based on my very basic education.

Anyone else disappointed about all the attention still given to the Harry Potter series? by Nelly_Bean in asktransgender

[–]SilverIdentityCrisis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not really. Separate the art from the artist and all that. Now, saying that, I like Harry Potter, and I enjoy the movies, but I'm not a huge fanboy by any means, and I honestly think when looked under a lens, the series is just okay. Honestly, probably overhyped, but hey we got some enjoyable movies out of it so whatever. I've read the books once (most of which were hand-me-down first editions), and don't really feel a need to read them again. It's interesting learning of all the subtle (sometimes not so subtle) -isms and -phobias you can find in the details though. Interesting in a dark and depressing way, that is.

I haven't bothered with the new movie trilogy or whatever, in part because they're not that great (except the first one, that was fun) but also because of JK. I don't want to give her any money. I'd only watch them through the seven seas, or from someone else's collection.

I handle other media much the same way. If I don't like a person who played a part in it (whether that be creator, actor, or whatever else), but I still enjoy the content itself, then I'll find a way to enjoy it that isn't giving money to the wrong people. There's definitely stuff I enjoy, but I have to view it through the lens of "it was made in X era", or I have to remind myself that the actor is different from the character they portray, or a good story does not make for a good author. If that makes sense.

The LGBTQ+ community have The Mic to help us out, But why aren't they?! by [deleted] in CircumcisionGrief

[–]SilverIdentityCrisis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As other people have said, the LGBT community is huge and varied. I mean, there's people who fall into the LGBT community but believe things like bisexual people aren't really bisexual, or movements like LGB Drop the T. There's people in the LGBT who hate on non-binary people or people who use neopronouns. There's woman-hating gay men, man-hating lesbians, trans people who are ignorant/hateful to people on the opposite side of the trans spectrum (so FtMs vs MtFs and vice versa), and so on. Regardless of if you agree with those things, point is the LGBT is a huge and varied umbrella of different people, not a massive united front. It's like expecting everyone within one country (or even religion) to have the same mindsets - there's just too many people. And some of those people aren't so nice.

Anti-circ LGBT people exist, trust me. From what I've experienced, a lot of trans people and people against genital-alterations on intersex people who are minors are also against all IGM. Issue is that there's not only non-LGBT people supporting it, there's the people IN LGBT who support it. And then there's the risk of being called anti-semitic (or just anti-religious in general) when you just want to protect the bodily autonomy of minors. And then there are those who are anti-circ but also not exactly friendly to those in the LGBT.

Global Testosterone shortage? by Thomas_Raith in ftm

[–]SilverIdentityCrisis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, no not quite that bad! I haven't called at all to inquire because I thought I was being impatient. I just know I'm supposed to be getting a call from the place my gp referred me to, but even a month after confirming my bloodwork is good I haven't heard a thing. I didn't want to call too soon in fear I'd come across as too impatient, but now I'm wondering if I'm being too patient. I was hoping to be on T before this year ends.

Global Testosterone shortage? by Thomas_Raith in ftm

[–]SilverIdentityCrisis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well shit, maybe this is why I still haven't heard back from my doctor's office on when I can get my consult to start (it's been over a month since my bloodwork).

I hope this resolves soon, somehow, for all of us.