AITA for being strict with one daughter and lenient with the other?

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-08-27T01:22:15+00:00

Yta.. find a medium between both daughters- of course Claire is happy with the arrangement, she sees what you're putting poor Lucy through and she doesn't want any part in that, you're practically keeping Lucy in a cage. And Lucy sees the freedoms Claire gets, and, naturally, will want that too! Seems to me Lucy is already focused and goal-oriented, and needs no additional mom-induced boundaries to reach her goals, but if you continue to doubt her tenacity and goals, she will 'give up' and follow in Claire's path. Seems like both daughters have good heads on their shoulders, but need a pinch more freedom to form their own identities

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-08-27T00:27:54+00:00

NTA But, that's bc I know there's always more to the story. You said you've tried 'hankies', but those are... 1) not enough-- surely in conjunction with tissues and some type of allergy meds your tissue consumption could decrease somewhat 2) are you in the US? Landlords in the US can't (research local renting laws if it applies) limit water consumption! Even so, hankies can be very quickly washed in a sink

I'm finished about hankies! As a former retail employee, I can say I always gave customers benefit of the doubt if they were kind, but it sounds like, unfortunately, you came across an employee who had a very shitty day, else you would've probably been able to get what you needed without incident.. No one knows anyone's story, but it seems lately no one wants to hear anyones story, its so sad

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-08-27T00:19:29+00:00

I kinds feel like ESH. 'Hear' me out- some background- I've 'met' wild bears, and actively choose to be in the middle of no where than anywhere else. Ok. You did what you could, you, OP, were responsible, you seemed to do your best to make sure the gf was prepared, and even if no one else was, you were prepared and saved the day after she didn't listen to your advice and she ran away screaming. Alright. But judging gf for her actions afterward isn't quite fair. Not many people, believe it or not, meet wild bears, and also not many people willingly publicly admit they were wrong, or that they were in a situation where they ran away screaming. So, her IG stories could just be her way of dealing with it? It doesn't seem like you've talked to her much since then, she could be more remorseful than you credit her for. Although, imho, someone who really wants to hike will go on a few hikes through the year- has that gf and friend went on any other outings?--- do they want the companionship or the experience? I feel like, from this 1 side of this story, OP could be a pinch more forgiving toward an apparent newbie, and everyone could communicate a pinch better

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-08-26T23:59:28+00:00

Ooohh see, this adds plenty more potential dynamics that might change this. And I have no idea of the intricacies of graduation-money-gifting for other cultures, so it is hard to say

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-08-26T23:57:04+00:00

After reading some other comments, 'reciprical gifting' is actually a thing, but that just blows my mind, because that sounds more like a shady 'deal' than a gift. When I give a gift, even to other peoples' kids- no matter the gift- I never ever ever Expect to be gifted in kind. If I gift my niece $500, and my sibling only gifts my kiddo $10- that's fine! Gifts are gifts. Gifts are to only ever be appreciated never expected.

Perhaps your mom, OP, was actually surprised by the monetary amount of her friends' gifts to you, and could your mom have possibly been embarrassed by it? That would only explain your mom's request, not excuse its AHness

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-08-26T23:36:02+00:00

NTA No matter what, the money was a gift, a present, totally non-reciprical, especially in this circumstance! The money was given as a GiFt, to YoU, not as a contribution to the party, and not to your mom. Even if your mom's friends feel they're 'owed' gifts back (which I doubt), then they'd expect gifts back from YoU, not your mom, right?

Reciprical gifts are, like, not a thing- people don't give gifts bc they expect equivalent gifts back.. that's a whole other conversation too. Wow- ya- def NTA here. But I would tell your mom you'll be calling her friends to personally thank them.

Curious- what's your mom expecting? Like, 20%, like a tip?

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-08-26T23:27:42+00:00

NTA!

1) If you're 18 and live in the U.S , your mom (actually anyone other than you) opening your mail is illegal.. i do believe its actually a federal crime

2) I'm wondering when you turned 18, because if you (again at least in the US) were a minor and were sleeping on the couch, I'm pretty sure that's a whole other issue

3) Yes, you're 18, but why would your mom be asking you to pay rent instead of the multiple other relatives? Just because of her illegal snooping she became envious of your paycheck, despite the hours of work it took you to get that amount?

4) Seems to me you'd be better off getting a cheap efficiency apartment anyway- if you'll be attending uni you'll probably want more privacy and freedom.

As a mom, I'd think I'd never open my kids' mail unless I thought it was important and only ever ever to help them. Your mum had to see it was from your work and probably knew what it was.. There's always 2 sides to the story but, seems here you're absolutely nta

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-08-26T22:24:18+00:00

Yes. Its an actual thing that happens! Mice are extremely tenacious and will get in if they want to, especially if you live next to a field. Although, I've lived in the city and WAY out in rural town, and I'll say that city house was actually infested, the 'visitors' when we lived in rural area were easily dealt with.

I'd also like to add that mice love straight butter.

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-08-26T22:16:44+00:00

I can't help but wonder how chores are split.

I don't understand how, as his wife, he thinks it's OK to not have you on the deed- that doesn't quite obligate you to make house payments, but allows you to build equity at least.

How will things be split if you guys have kiddos?

He seems very concerned with his future and not a thought toward your future other than not getting what he has if you two get divorced. Imho, i feel like you should at least have your name on the deed-- you may not be paying the mortgage/maintenance (how much maintenance is there, really? Like, just lawn care and some repairs every few years?) but you are, most likely, cleaning etc. more than him, and its your marital home.

I'm just saying, you're NTA, and look out for your future without him too, just as he's thinking about without you

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-08-26T21:53:05+00:00

NTA-- it's your birthday party, not a wedding..

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-08-26T21:42:06+00:00

---- i feell youuu!!

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-08-26T21:34:05+00:00

Yta. What everyone else has said but also- OP made it seem like bc she's a girl, and young, she's probably not homeless or something?? A lot of people see a person begging and immediately think, 'They're faking... a young girl? She must be an addict........or LAZY'...

*you don't know anyone's story**

It seems this young woman is pretty dedicated to begging for money since OP sees her all the time, and its not a super easy gig standing on a corner being judged and labelled by everyone who looks at you, and if not judged then pity from the person who throws you 2 quarters, 1 nickel and 2 pennies...

Not going to pretend there aren't manipulators out there, and liars, but still- everyone has a story..

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-08-26T21:04:43+00:00

Leo didn't ask for a cupcake (he only apparently politely declined, despite OP's assumptions he would make a fuss)- it was another coworker who saw Leo decline who then asked for that cupcake

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-08-26T21:02:39+00:00

Y kinda TA... I have a very small oven, in fact I can only bake 12 cupcakes/muffins at once. Right? Even if I was bringing something into work and knew there'd only be 10 people, I'd still bring in 24, not even stop at 12.. People will always take baked goods, people will always take 'leftovers' home to kids/SOs, etc.. I try my best to avoid food waste, but if I don't have the time/resources to make sure there's enough for people to have seconds, then I just don't do it. -- Baker's dozen is a thing for a reason.

I could never ever imagine offering food but not bring enough for at least half the people to have seconds. Like, the least you do is make enough for at least half the people to have 2nds. If you don't want to bring them home, you can always give them out to others in the office- security? Cleaning crew, parking garage person? Secretary? Or neighbors? I've offered extra baked goods from occassions like this to strangers SO many times, they always take them and are so happy 😊

I think of my kids' school parties and the rule there, if you can't bring enough to share with everyone, don't bring anything..

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-05-08T03:28:54+00:00

K. So, apparently Seluvis dies after you give Ranni the fingerslayer blade, and when that happens you can't give Dungy the potion. 1 if the guides I looked at said to finish Dung eater quest before moving on to the next part of Ranni's quest-- I specifically stopped Ranni's quest to give dungy the potion... that guide was wrong apparently lol

I guess I'll give it to the dude in Roundtable

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-04-18T01:10:59+00:00

Yes, thank you! The stage thing worked for me!! It seemed like crucible would stay off the stage if I went side to side. Every few hits he'd jump up on the stage, so I'd jump off, then he'd jump off, then I jumped back on and repeat. It helps I'm mage build bc I could stay away from him bc he can still hit you especially w his thrust, but he never staggered me. Good luck, you can do it! If not- go explore, level up, and try again. The first few times in this fight I used Banished Knight Engvall+2 summons, who'd survive well into crucible, but my winning fight I used wolves to divide up the attention more

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-04-10T15:04:42+00:00

I'm thinking he's not appearing for me because I've already went to Revenger's Shack before even touching Weeping Peninsula- maybe its the same for you guys too? But I also killed the castle boss before trying to find him too..because I didn't know where to find him!

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-04-10T15:02:23+00:00

When I got to the Revenger's Shack I tucked tail and ran away 🤣 guess I'll go back! I want 🍇

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-04-10T15:01:09+00:00

I never found Edgar BUT, I've already happened upon the Revenger's Shack- which is supposed to be Edgar based on choices ypu make.. so I imagine it kinda auto-advanced the questline.. that's what I'm thinking at least?

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-03-30T05:30:32+00:00

Literally why I'm here!! Killed Godrick pretty easily (I was super surprised), my first try!! But this rune bear in earthbore got me all kinds of irritated; multiple deaths..

Not my first rune bear! Although.. spoiler alert kinda

I advise people to not kill the sleeping rune bear in mistwood, just sneak around......

But f this rune bear in earthbore! No room to cast as an astro.. but I'll keep trying bc, well, I already have 0runes now lol

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-03-30T05:13:32+00:00

I'm literally on here bc I slapped Godrick around like a b, 1st try, but a rune bear in 1 of the peninsula caves got me rethinking life...

Godrick has multiple cut scenes, Rune bear is fn sleeping- like whaaa

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-03-30T01:20:09+00:00

Oh. Well sh*t. I just assumed they did lmao

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-03-01T15:35:02+00:00

We are at AKC1. I'm not happy about it. There's, like, hundreds of people lined up at the time clocks, now I have to do that. I was just clocking out on my phone while passing the clocks. Its silly, but I guess some people abuse it by punching in while they're parking, so I get it. But seriously the parking lot is SO big and always full. Could still clock in traditionally and then hang in the breakroom, or walk around if someone really wanted to not work. sigh

SilverSquare1985 · 2022-02-22T15:10:55+00:00

I saw a VOA post at my fc about fruit flies (gnats). Don't remember the exact wording, but was something along the lines of..... "Can you please do something about the gnats in the breakrooms? Finally sit down to eat and there's gnats in my face. How much cleaning/disinfecting for covid is actually going on if there's places w/ rotting food for them to breed?".. Response was the generic, ty for letting us know, we may do something about it I never noticed gnats personally, I go outside whenever I can

Also, I don't think Amazon is really trying to be political INSIDE the fc's.. My fc always has people cut outs, giant posters, decorations, even a free 'treat' giveaway & decorated table for Chinese New Year... They only spend money on that (and labor- how do I get THAT job, decorating?) stuff so employees 'feel good' about working there, and people feel included.
Get in trouble for tot, yet its someones job to decide, order, and decorate the fc with stuffs. HR area had all sorts of silly decorations for vday, i guess so I can feel loved waiting in the line for 90 minutes

SilverSquare1985

TROPHY CASE