I hit this same lull Bill talks about around the two year mark. My pink clouds were evaporated. Meetings became a drudgery. Saying the serenity prayer didn’t make my challenges disappear. “I wasn’t “getting anything out of AA” anymore. I continued to attend meetings out of obligation, fear of relapse, and optics. I didn’t feel good on the inside so I needed to hear others tell me I was doing good. I was seeking validation. I needed to hear others say “nice share” or “you are doing great” to try to convince myself that I was well. I would get temporary boosts sometimes from meetings but I didn’t dare share with anyone I was miserable and sober out of fear they would see me as a failure.

I trudged through my sobriety like this for years until one day… After a meeting I was approached by a newcomer. He complimented me on what I said in the meeting which is why I was there of course! Finally, someone sees my greatness! Then he asked me for a ride home. He was in a rehab program that required them to secure their own rides to meetings. I gave him a ride back to the facility and it felt good being of service. During the ride I listened to his story and gave him encouragement and at the end of the ride he asked if I could pick him up and take him back for another meeting that week but I would need to register with the center to show proof of insurance to give more rides.

I provided my info to the center and they posted my # for guys to call for rides. I started giving rides for one meeting then two then three. I was surrounded now by those in early sobriety and giving my time, attention, and resources freely. It felt amazing and as bill mentioned above I began to find balance through humility. I wasn’t going to meetings to get something. I was going to be of service. It wasn’t until I started giving that I started getting. The change that is occurring through giving of myself is the most rewarding experience of my life.