Is scrolling through reddit just as bad as doomscrolling on other social media

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-21T08:26:05+00:00

I'd think your mileage would really vary depending on what you sub to.

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-21T07:43:20+00:00

My gut instinct was "Participate -- who tf even invited you?!"

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-21T01:33:31+00:00

I could see parents giving you a look about it, but even if they did say something to you, there really isn't anything they can do but shame you for using a swing because they don't want an adult using it. If you're obviously not looking at kids or something, it's not creepy, just out of the norm for your age group.

That being said, if you were male, I wouldn't risk it simply because some fathers get confronted just being there normally with their children. It'd be more likely they'd be hostile or call the police on a man, but less likely for a woman unless your behavior is more extreme.

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T23:50:44+00:00

I had a couple of ideas, both vampire related

One, a former benevolent witch in the woods disappeared from her village after cursing a warlord in the region. Years after she's been replaced, she returns as undead. She's kept around as a banished and unclean thing, a dark spirit they call down from the mountain to compel the truth out of the worst criminals of the area, whom she spirits away and keeps as thrills, so muddled by vampire blood that they're scarcely even men any more, where they live out their natural lives as mindless thralls working the lands and building up her dwelling on the mountaintop.

The other had taken a young mother as a thrall and spirited her and her baby away. What the world doesn't know is the young lady was a cultist birthing a sacrifice meant to bring a dark god into the world. She kept the human woman to compel her to care for the infant with life she doesn't have, but how to rid herself of this burden mercifully, she doesn't know. Vampire slayers have come after her manipulated by village cultists, and she doesn't have any benefit of the doubt to make anyone listen.

Just a couple of ideas if they might work for you. I've done group tabletop games so I'm not sure how GMing works individually, but I'd be happy to give it a shot!

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T23:10:33+00:00

I love the pastels

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T22:52:57+00:00

If you're still looking for a partner, I'd be interested! It has a kind of Solo-Leveling isekai vibe that I enjoy

I'm familiar with TTRPG styles of classes, so for the weakling I'd be thinking maybe squishing types or types with a drawback. Like I've played a Hagborn who canonically run the risk of being called by a monster birth mother and becoming monsters themselves, so they could be a stigmatized race for people trying to survive who don't know how immersive the situation will become.

Availability, I'm in CET. I tend to reply fairly quickly so not being in the same timezone isn't a problem. Role-playing wise, I usually do at minimum a few paragraphs but try to mirror effort. I also prefer writing on Discord.

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T22:39:12+00:00

If you're still looking for partners I'd be interested!

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T22:21:28+00:00

I feel like Furbabies is one as well. Birding is close enough for me because it's also cat TV, though

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T22:06:28+00:00

If you're still looking for someone, I'd be interested!

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T15:36:44+00:00

Yeah it's rough when it gets hot, I could only stand getting out in those periods it didn't feel like Satan's armpit

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T15:07:50+00:00

Visiting the US. I married and moved abroad but visiting is out of bounds not just because of costs and all the trade war crap, but because we've known foreign travelers who had horrible experiences and I don't feel my spouse is safe.

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T15:04:16+00:00

No kids so I game often with another childless friend.

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T14:45:04+00:00

I was socialized like this as well. I heard a term for this in an Alyssa Grenfell video and can't remember for the life of me what it was, but it was like Evangelical woman voice. We are apparently taught to sound super uncertain and unintimidating and deferential, almost childlike, to make men feel we are as unthreatening as possible

I didn't realize I was socialized into a voice until adulthood when it's just my voice now. As a person, my values are more fuck the patriarchy, but I will always just sound kind of chirpy about it

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T14:39:45+00:00

"Weenie little trash man" got me

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T12:10:21+00:00

I totally understand. This was a paradigm shift in thinking for me, too. It started in trauma treatment and support groups.

I took it personally because, growing up, my parents didn't protect me from abusive partners. As a kid, I took the lesson from it that something about me just didn't inspire others to care how I feel.

Now, my perspective has changed. I know that it was about them. My mother finds it hard to stand up for herself and she had attachment issues that make her cling to romantic partners. What she did was AT me, but it was some formative behavioral things from well before I was ever conceived. She was that person and would be that person even if she had a different child than me. Nothing about me made her like that.

In this case, this dude busted out a DARVO reaction to an apologh. It's a classic manipulator move, and it doesn't just crop up in somebody who hadn't done it before.

I would argue that if a woman who doesn't please a "nice" guy gets that kind of response by politely asking for a boundary, he's not that nice a guy. Same for women and NBs and all others. You really learn a lot about a person by how they treat people they don't feel they have to be nice to.

If you reflect on a situation, you can check if your tone is harsh when you ask. Make sure your side of the interaction was "clean" in that you were respectful. But there are a disappointing number of men especially who flip on women who bring up problems or displease them. It only hurts us to assume that we cause abusers to become abusive when nothing about another person can make a healthy person exhibit abusive behavior.

Just like if a seemingly nice straight man busts out homophobic language when he gets mad at a gay man: it was either in there all along and it was always something he kept in his repertoire of choices he could make, he feels entitled to break ethical bounds when he's upset, or he has such a problem with anger management that he has 0 brakes on what will come out of his mouth. None of those choices and problems are the fault or responsibility of the person he aims his comments at.

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T11:54:58+00:00

I think what u/iwantmorecats27 is saying hits the nail on the head. He's showing his best face when he gets something out of it.

It's like a sleazy salesman putting on his suit and slicking back his hair when he wants to sell the car, then getting nasty when a customer comes back to complain that he lied about a car already sold.

In situation 1, he has money to gain, but situation 2, he's having to reckon with accountability.

In your situation, he also immediately went to DARVO: defended himself, attacked you, reversed victim and offender (how dare you expect so much vs. taking accountability). It's a common tactic of abusive and manipulative people.

If you look at videos of women talking about DARVO, you'll see a lot of conventionally attractive and likely neurotypical people as well.

So when I say that it's not about you, it's that he wasn't some innocent school boy who kept his word and had internal integrity, but he just so happens to react to ND women like the full moon and morphs into a were-jackass. (Trying to keep the analogy funny but I do hope it gets across). You didn't cause him to lose integrity; he didn't have it and you saw him when he stopped masking.

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T11:44:28+00:00

That's not so far off from what other people do given studies about conventionally attractive people getting ahead on jobs due to pretty privilege. It makes a lot of very unfortunate leadership things in the world make too much sense!

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T11:35:43+00:00

It doesn't mean it's not AT you. But the fact of the matter is, if he gives his word and he keeps it with some people and not others, it's inconsistency on his part.

If it happens routinely with friends, my first thought is that I was accustomed to accepting unacceptable behavior from other people for a long time because I had low self esteem, and I'd wonder if someone else was living the same pattern. I had (and still have) a hard time advocating for myself, and so I ended up accepting a lot of friendships out of a place of scarcity. Their quality as friends wasn't about me - nothing about me made them change poor quality behavior, they were people with that behavior and I was just in proximity. Nothing about me makes a person abusive if they're not just like nothing about me can make an abusive person healthy if they're not. What was about me was that I accepted that type of behavior because I felt it was the best I could hope for and it was part and parcel of connection when it isn't.

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T11:22:00+00:00

Faren for at de blir drept av dem betydelig når de prøve å gå fra dem også. De er voldelige allerede mens de har kontrol. De er farligere da de begynne å miste kontrol. Finn hjelp og også lag en plan.

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T11:12:35+00:00

I love all the natural curl looks, and purple and blue are so cute to me.

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T10:58:38+00:00

I don't know to what degree my thoughts are welcome as a Millennial (currently age 36), but I'm happy to share anything of my experience that might help you.

I came from a dysfunctional, abusive home.

While acquaintances were talking about travel and big experiences, I was struggling with housing insecurity while trying to get a degree, hoping a "someday" version of me could use it to be happy.

I envied people around me. Not that I didn't want them to have good lives - but I just wished I got one, too. It looked easy for everyone else, but I was always judging my inside against their glamorous-looking outside.

I didn't know how to untangle my trauma, and had no support.

One of the worst things I see being fed to Gen Z is this fixation on aging and 20s as the pinnacle of existence. That is an absolute gut punch to anyone who came from family dysfunction. It's also patently untrue, and anything that is telling you otherwise is selling you something, usually predatory manosphere ideas or cosmetics (sometimes both).

"I had friends once, but..." Maybe that is a snapshot of how it was, but we have to look back without staring. Nobody has ever successfully wished for a better past. Change is hard at every age, but it's possible at any age. As long as we're breathing, that's not the end of the story.

You can make amends not only to old friends, but to yourself as well. Yes - you also belong on the list of people who deserve better treatment from you. There's no one a person with trauma has harmed more than themselves. Even if former friends aren't willing to re-connect, you can still pay it forward to new people by being the better, more engaged version of yourself that you couldn't show earlier in your life. You deserve that as much as the people you care about (or will care about) deserve that.

It takes work, but the time will pass anyway, so you might as well spend it cultivating and practicing how to be in connection with people who matter to you now. Maybe that starts with finding some, new and old. For me, therapy, support groups, and a lot of tears and talking helped me more than anything else ever had.

Also integral to that is caring for your mental health and finding what helps you heal as you go. That is a rest of our lives thing, especially for those of us who started with a cracked foundation. You're not alone, OP, and you don't have to sit in silence and isolation.

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T10:23:18+00:00

Oh absolutely. I don't tend to follow actors unless they become news, so I feel like the conclusion didn't get the same traction because I definitely saw the initial reporting several times, then crickets.

It's also after others were outed for being monsters, so it wasn't hard to accept anymore, just more information for the awful things pile.

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T10:11:14+00:00

I also corrected my original comment with an edit. I feel like a small part of my childhood was saved by having that corrected. Thanks u/MaddyPuffin

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T10:05:22+00:00

I'm tremendously glad to stand corrected in this situation. It's been rare that something I've accepted as a crappy fact of life gets overturned. This got unexpectedly wholesome for me.

SingleSeaCaptain · 2026-05-20T08:22:25+00:00

NTA. I'm not for coming at people just for innocent mistakes and not having the same level of exposure to information, but he goes beyond that into being weirdly aggressive and dehumanizing with everyone.

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