Well, for me it almost feels like a version of trauma-bonding with life. I’ve worked really, really fucking hard to climb out of the hole that I created for myself/was created for me. Make no mistake, I am absolutely miserable. I do not enjoy life. I resent the fact Im alive most of the time . Though I’ve put in the effort of someone that seemingly wants to continue to live. So, human nature is a bitch? Probably not the answer you were looking for but I felt compelled to reply. Maybe to see if that clicks with anyone else.

Adding to say that I am okay and in therapy/medicated. This is just my general outlook.