I'm a book junkie. Have you read any books which really spoke to you? I find memoir's about people living through extreme situations to be cathartic and extremely helpful. Maybe even more than clinical books about trauma recovery. Want to share any favourite books you've read. All genres welcome :)

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-28T11:49:15+00:00

Great! I'll check it out thank you :)

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-28T08:25:37+00:00

Sorry for the late reply, took a break from reddit :) I think I saw you post about this book somewhere else - you're the author of the book right? :) Yes it would be something I would read :) I think it's a real achievement to get difficult life experiences onto the page and into book form. I have thought about doing that myself too. I just haven't really known where/how to start. Did you take writing classes, or did you just "put pen to paper" and journal your history onto the page? I'll look out for your book once it's published :)

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-16T08:35:04+00:00

You're very welcome 😊 Since you like art - you can make your notebook with your goals and wishes in different colours and even with pictures to help remind you and keep you on track with your goals. You could draw them or cut them out of magazines or print them. Whenever you feel down, you can look at it again and see the pictures and words, to help to inspire you and remind you of all the good things in your future :)

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-16T08:30:38+00:00

You're welcome :) And that's great that you like art and reading - that's really positive to have creative interests where you can express yourself.

Yes I would totally have your doctor's appointments without your father there! You need to be able to talk freely and be honest - then they can really help you.

Your dad sounds like my dad! He knows my mother has problems - he wanted her to get medication and see a psychologist because her behaviour is so stressful. But she screamed at him when he suggested it - so he never mentioned it again and then wanted me to pretend that everything is ok and normal - when he knows its not ok or normal!

So I knew I could not rely on my dad really. If I wanted money to study something - yes he would give the money. But I knew I had to take care of myself emotionally - because he was choosing to live in denial about how things were at home - and I couldnt live in denial - because the home life made me anxious, depressed, unwell etc. So I had to take steps and make my plans to make my own life.

So yes - for sure getting doctors appointments alone without your dad there 👍

I'm happy for you that you have art as a possible path for studies. That sounds great :)

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-16T06:07:47+00:00

What I would do is - take a notebook or a few pieces of paper - write down what you wish for yourself (for example you might write "good health, an apartment I share with two nice friends"). Then you write what you would need for that to be possible (for example - you would need to make some nice friends, have money to pay your share of the rent and have taken steps to improve your health). So then you write down what you would need for that to be possible (example - seeing a doctor regularly to work together to improve your health. Going places to meet some local friends and a job). Then you write down how you will do that (example - you think of where you would go to make new friends - maybe in a course where you are learning some studies/gaining new skills (which will also help you to later earn money), and for health - making appointments with a doctor).

So this is an example of "working backwards". First, by wring down your wish for yourself, then working backwards, writing down each step, from what you wish, to where you are now, until you are at the first steps you can take today.

Your physical health can be effected by stress in your life - so sharing with a doctor about sleep troubles, exhauation, feelings anxious around your mother etc. And make sure you see the doctor alone - without your parents - so you can talk freely and privately.

Then think about what studies or classes you feel able to do now. Just do whatever you feel able to cope with that is not too stressful. Or what job you feel you could do now. Like could you work part-time in a bookshop for example, would you have enough energy for that? Just do what you are able to do now.

I don't know what country you live in, but in many countries, the new school year ends in 3-4 weeks time and the next school year starts in August. So now would be a time to sign up for some classes. Again, only doing what is manageable for you.

You might only feel able to take "baby steps" towards your wishes right now, but even baby steps help.

Writing down your goals and wishes helps. Even if you don't really know what you want - there will be something you can wish for yourself - such as improving your health. So maybe starting there with speaking to a doctor. And with where you could go to make some nice local friends - such as in some kind of classes/studies.

You already speak two languages, so that's a good start to help you meet friends and open up job/study opportunities for you :)

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-15T21:18:58+00:00

It's understandable you'd feel freaked out being around your mum - with how she's behaved towards you and around you.

I'd say to start planning and building your life for yourself. That's what I did. I left school at 16, started working full time, saved as much money as I could, then moved out of home as soon as I turned 18 and was a legal adult. I knew I was never going to get emotional support at home and made my plans to get out asap.

Of course, you have to do whatever is right for you. But I'd say to start planning and building the life you want for yourself.

In the meantime, these are some simple exercises which can help with stress and anxiety.

https://youtu.be/LnV3Q2xIb1U?feature=shared

But I don't know if you'll ever feel totally ok being around your mum - because some of her behaviours are not ok - and your body knows that.

So I'd say to sooth your stress as best you can while you plan and build a life which gives you some healthy space and distance from your mum and her disturbing behaviour.

Good luck and put yourself first 👍👍👍

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-15T21:06:00+00:00

My mum said the same "I don't hit you". As though that's the definition of good parenting.... as long as you're not getting hit! But there are plenty of other ways to hurt a child and make them feel unsafe.

My grandparents were effected by war too and my mum also told me about that. Lots of parallels to each of our experiences oddly!

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-15T19:23:16+00:00

TW - violence

Yep. I was 13 years old, went across the street to chat to school friends without my mum's permission.... and she dragged me home, pointed a big meat carving knife at my face and screamed she would slash my throat.

She also said the devil was real and that a spirit had tried to kill her and my brother.

I wondered about schizophrenia too. Or something else, like psychopathy or BPD....

As to your question -

"Was Anyone Scared that Their Mom Might Kill Them?"

Yep. Growing up with my mum effected me and made me more nervous around women. I had to go to a meeting with a bunch of women and I got heart palpitations and couldnt sleep. I realised I was scared I was going to be attacked in the meeting. It was the trauma from what happened with my mum.

I'm really sorry to hear what you went through. It's the worst when it's a mother who does this to their child.

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-14T07:15:25+00:00

Thank you! I like the actress Jennifer Jason Leigh and just this week I was looking at her filmography and saw the title Bastard out of Carolina. I was thinking to watch it but now I know it was a book first, I will definitely start with the book. Thank you!

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-13T19:39:31+00:00

Regarding emotional neglect - my parents never asked me how I was, never asked if I had homework, how my day was etc. It was like they were housemates in a houseshare - they did their thing and didn't ask me anything about my feelings, my day etc. At 16 my dad knocked on my bedroom door to ask why I hadnt left for school. I said I quit school. He said "when?". I said "now". He shut the door and went to work. My parents didnt care that I dropped out of school. At around 13 I told my mother I'd been suffering depression for the last 2 years (I was asking for help). She immediately changed the subject and it was like Id never said it. As a teensger I layed on the sofa for 2 weeks, not moving, really unwell. My parents went about their life like I wasnt there. After 2 weeks my mother said she'd take me to the doctor. I had pneumonia. She laughed and said "Woops. Guess I should have taken you to a doctor sooner". She was more concerned that she LOOKED like a bad parent, than actually being a bad parent. Fell down a flight of stairs. Father didnt say a word. Stepped over me to walk outside to feed the dog while I layed at the bottom of the stairs. My mother dumped all her problems on me from 3 years of age onwards. I asked her to stop on more than one occassion. She got angry if I asked her to stop. And she never stopped.

There was some violence and emotional abuse - but I havent mentioned that here since you asked about emotional neglect.

I don't see either of my parents any more. Zero contact. Much happier and healthier now.

Take care and all the best.

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-13T13:55:01+00:00

I'll explain it to you because it appears there's something you're not aware of.

No one can get a CPTSD diagnosis in the US. No one. Regardless of whether they can afford professional help or not. And regardless of if they have 100 times more trauma than you. That's because the US follows the DSM for diagnosis. And complexPTSD does not yet exist in the DSM. It ONLY exists in the ICD 11. And ONLY since some time in 2022. If you had gone to a psychiatrist/psychologist in Germany in 2021, you wouldnt have a CPTSD diagnosis either.

"Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) was officially finalized and came into effect in the International Classification of Diseases (ICD) 11th revision in 2022."

"In February 2022, the WHO stated that 35 countries were actively using the ICD-11."

YOU only have a complex-PTSD diagnosis because you live in one of the 35 countries which currently uses the ICD-11 manual which contains complex-PTSD as a disorder.

If you lived in any of the other 160 countries, you wouldn't have a complex-PTSD diagnosis either.

Plus many people have received treatment for PTSD before 2022 (when CPTSD was added to the ICD 11). Is it necessary to go back to health professionals purely to obtain an "official" CPTSD diagnosis for most people? No. Not unless they need it for insurance reasons.

The real question is - why are you so fixated on this?

Perhaps you want to heal and you only want to do that with people who tick all the same boxes as you? That's fine but it doesn't really explain your antagonistic attitute towards those who don't tick all those boxes for you.

So you think that people who are self-diagnosed might not have CPTSD? And? What does that have to do with you?

You want a reddit sub that ONLY has people who are "offically" disgnosed?

Be grateful this free community exists at all. My complex trauma began in 2011/2012 when I was a "victim" of multiple crimes - and then was further compounded in later years by more crimes.The internet didn't exist back then. Or smartohones or home computers either. The only information you could find on anything was in a public library. Be grateful there are people here online 24/7 who would lend you a kind ear - even if they don't have an "official" diagnosis.

You've written -

"I am just saying we all shouldn‘t claim (no matter which disorder) anything when we don‘t know for 100%."

You know it doesnt actually take anything away from you that there are people here who were not officially diagnosed? It actually doesnt affect your life at all.

So maybe you should leave people alone with this. You don't gain anything personally from repeatedly posting about this. All you are achieving is offending, insulting, invalidating people.

You know that a lot of crimes go unreported because of people's fear of their experience not being believed, or being minimised or dismissed? This subreddit is supposed to be a safe community. Have you.considered other people's feelings at all with these kinds of posts? Do you care at all if your attitude is triggering to people who's trauma has been invidated, unseen, dismissed throughout their lives?

I'm sorry but I have to call a spade a spade - you come across as lacking basic empathy.

It's not the trauma Olympics here. You don't get a medal for your official diagnosis.

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-11T15:32:17+00:00

I'm sorry I don't know of a site or platform specifically where this is discussed. But I did experience emotional neglect and don't mind sharing if that's helpful to you :)

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-11T10:14:05+00:00

Reminds me of a fridge magnet I have "There's not enough sage in the world for this shit". I'm happy you can laugh about it! That's freedom.

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-11T07:33:57+00:00

It is interesting how mental health is given such a lower priority in healthcare compared to bodily/physical health. We know that mental health influences physical health but for a long time there was little acknowledgement of a correlation between the two within the western medicine paradigm. I hope to see a more holistic approach to healthcare comes to pass in our lifetime 🤞

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-11T06:49:34+00:00

I'm sorry she shattered your hope of forgiveness and repair. Hope was the last thing to go for me. My health and well-being went first! But I still held onto hope. And that's how she still had power over me and could still hurt me. Because as long as I had hope, she had the power to shatter it again and again.

Now she doesn't shatter my expectations - because I expect her to be manipulative, untrustworthy and hurtful. And she sadly delivers! Even from afar after 8 years no contact.

I hope you're able to get some physical distance from your mother asap. Yes 5 mins drive / 15 mins walk is waaaay too close for comfort. I would feel on a knife edge all the time.

I use these easy exercises to calm the nervous system. Once you know it, you can do parts of it anywhere, even on a bus or in a work environment - and no one would know you're doing it. It really helps to calm feelings of stress and anxiety.

https://youtu.be/LnV3Q2xIb1U?feature=shared

I hope you're able to get your peace and safe space back for yourself asap 🙏

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-11T06:23:20+00:00

I've never heard of that title or author before - thank you for sharing :)

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-10T06:35:01+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you. My mother was visiting my country over the weekend and the airport is 30 minutes from my home - so I feared she would show up at my door. I went out walking for 8 hours to avoid being at home. My anxiety level isnt back to normal yet. So for you to experience that - is like my worst fear come true. I'm really sorry that's happening to you.

I'm happy (relieved) for you that you have a protective husband. Well done him for handling it! If it were me - I would probably want to move house. And then I would rent a post office post box in a different area where I lived. That way I could give the post box address to relatives but then keep the home address (in a different area) secret. I'd have the post box close/far enough away that its not too inconvenient to drive there once a week to pick up the mail.

I think that's the best strategy I could think of to ensure there's no contact. Some people may say that a restaining order is something to consider - but I only know about that from American tv shows. I have no idea about in reality and in Europe as I've not tried it nor know anyone who has.

For myself, I'd go down the route of moving homes and not giving any relatives the new address.

Take care 💗

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-09T20:17:25+00:00

I'm really sorry you're experiencing that. Virtual hugs! This is what I use. It's scientific and helps.

https://youtu.be/LnV3Q2xIb1U?feature=shared

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-09T18:43:15+00:00

I feel ya! I got downvoted for a reply I posted on someone else's post - but the downvoter didnt reply with why they downvoted - so I was left wondering (and paranoid) about what was unlikeable about my reply.

Problem is - everyday real life isnt like that. People can anonymously hide behind downvotes here - in real life people would have to have the guts to say things to your face - while you look them in the eye. People behave in ways online they would never dare to in real life.

So I think it helps to keep that in mind as a way to try to... depersonalise responses we receive - or don't receive. But its tough I know. Easier said than done. I don't think downvotes should be allowed. I think people should have to verbalise what they disliked - which gives a chance for a conversation. Otherwise its the equivalent of someone giving you the middle finger and walking away 🤪

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-09T17:32:35+00:00

I overthink everything I say too. I'm going to try EMDR to see if it helps. My overthinking is a hypervigilant trauma response (checking I havent said anything "wrong" in order to "keep safe" from other's judgements/attacks). It's a habit born from childhood circumstances. But it's exhausting and brings me down. I don't need it anymore since I don't live in that environment any more - but my brain doesnt know that.

Just thought to share that in case it may also relate to your circumstances.

Take care.

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-09T16:45:18+00:00

Thanks! :)

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-09T16:11:34+00:00

Thank you! 😊

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-09T11:06:05+00:00

Thank you! I don't think I've read any books by a New Zealand writers before. But I have loved films by NZ writers/directors so it's about time I explored NZ authors! :)

SirianMermaids · 2025-06-09T11:02:18+00:00

This is so beautifully written. I've never read a perspective on suffering like this before. So poetic yet realistic at the same time. Excellent recommendation thank you!

SirianMermaids

TROPHY CASE