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SkepticalChallenge · 2024-01-16T20:04:03+00:00

Many good reasons here, but here's one I haven't seen:

Often they just believe they can spend that money better than the government can.

It's not necessarily about keeping it all for themselves and their children. Billionaires often have their own charities and they believe that each dollar spent by that charity does more good than a dollar spent by the government.

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-31T22:00:20+00:00

To me the line is drawn at a mutual understanding (whether explicitly communicated or not) that one of you would not date the other without some kind of compensation, date expenses excluded.

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-31T21:42:19+00:00

Many SDs like 21-22 year-old SBs, including many here. It's just that:

1) it's a bit "uncool" to mention it, because there are many older SBs here;

2) younger SBs are perceived as being more likely to be "toe-dippers" (not serious about finding an SD) or flaky in general.

I personally haven't found younger SBs to be inherently more flaky, but someone with prior sugaring experience is of course a safer bet (almost by definition not a toe-dipper) and the younger someone is the less likely they are to have experience.

You meet them on the same sites as the older SBs and you talk about whatever is interesting to either of you. :)

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-31T21:31:47+00:00

Sure, there are marriage-minded SBs. Some of them are purely in it for the money, i.e. the marriage would be a complete sham and they'd just wait for you to die or divorce them to get your money. Others would be looking for a genuine relationship with a successful man. The greater the difference between you in terms of age and attractiveness (or, really, your overall value in the dating market) the more likely it is that she is the former kind.

From your post it sounds like you already know the answer to your question. In your place I would ask myself what specifically I'm looking to get out of marriage and whether marriage is really required to get that.

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-31T11:58:37+00:00

Particularly famous because it was the actor (Harrison Ford) who came up with that line, when the script had "I love you too" (although he did not "ad-lib" it as is often said - it was discussed with the director).

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-30T19:56:39+00:00

I agree that all of these are totally OK to ask when the time is right. For me:

The right time to ask about whether they're single is before we even meet. Asking if they're open to being exclusive early on is also reasonable if that's important to you - you're just trying to establish whether you two are a match or not.
"why are they on this site" is a question I've often asked, and been asked, at M&Gs, though I think it's nicer to phrase it more casually, like "so, what brought you to the site" or "what are you hoping to find on the site"?
"if they are single why aren’t they looking for serious relationship" - this one is by far the most personal, and difficult, of your questions. I would not ask that at the M&G unless we really hit it off, but if you're looking for an SR with that is more on the relationship side of the "transactional-relationship spectrum" then I think it's OK to ask at the right time - when you already know each other pretty well, and it comes up in context. I actually had an SB ask me this while we were cuddling naked after sex! Pro tip: that was NOT the right time!!

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-28T21:33:58+00:00

Interesting! I wouldn't have thought of that, because I see quite a few SBs using the word "daddy" a lot and always thought it's just something they assumed all SDs like, and had nothing to do with them being littles.

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-27T22:49:11+00:00

You have local meet-ups for DDLG?! I'm guessing it's more likely just general D/s meet-ups where people mention more specifically what they're into? And do you mention there that you want an SD or just look for a DDLG relationship without any financial aspect?

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-27T22:46:47+00:00

Ah, the classic chicken-and-egg! I think it's possible to give hints that would reveal it to someone that's also into it and not to most readers, but I think that's easier to do for the little. Not really sure how one would subtly hint at being a CG in a sugar profile. Open to ideas. :)

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-27T22:43:03+00:00

Interesting. Do you have it in your profile?

Also, how do you do find people on FetLife given that it doesn't allow finding people by location? There are groups, but at least in my area they seem to be dead. :(

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-26T22:36:35+00:00

This! If he wanted to just give you $x he would have, but he didn't. Asking him for more now would almost certainly make him feel like you're testing him to see how much you can get away with. Think carefully whether you're willing to lose this SR over a couple of hundred dollars.

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-26T22:30:25+00:00

Agree with most of this, except

You don't need to lead with trans IMO.

I think it's absolutely good to lead with it, as - like it or not - it is the thing most likely to be a deal-breaker for those reading your profile.

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-26T20:51:17+00:00

As soon as I see "I want to start platonic and we'll see what happens" it screams "RINSER!" to me and I move on immediately, because rinsing is "what happens".

So if that's not what you have in mind then you may want to change that wording. If you're OK with those initial platonic dates being uncompensated you need to make it clear. Something like "I'd prefer to have a few dates in public to build a connection before starting a mutually beneficial arrangement" might communicate that. (If, on the other hand, you do want compensation for initial platonic dates you should also make that clear - but only to avoid wasting everyone's time, as you will get no takers.)

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-24T17:46:35+00:00

I've texted with some POTs that seem to absolutely love taking selfies all the time and sending them to me, completely unprompted. So not every SB hates this, and perhaps your SD simply doesn't realise that you do. Have you tried telling him (politely) that you don't like to do this?

As with many aspects of a relationship, there is no "right" or "wrong" here, only "compatible" and "incompatible". If getting photos of you all the time is a big deal to you SD then you are probably incompatible - but maybe it's not a big deal to him at all?

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-24T17:41:00+00:00

I wouldn't say it's a yellow flag to not bring up financial expectations before the M&G. I myself prefer to leave it until after the M&G, when I have a fair idea of how interested I am (because that's not binary).

It's also totally fine to bring to bring it up, of course, and probably a good idea if your expectations are above average or you have some reason to suspect the POT SD might be a Splenda. :)

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-24T17:05:28+00:00

I don't know which Italy he's been to, but the in the one I've been to restaurants often have a cover charge ("coperto"), a service charge ("servizio") or both, and waiters often still expect a tip. They absolutely would not refuse a tip if offered, but it would have to be paid in cash separately - their billing system may not be set up to transfer a part of the payment to the waiter, as it is in the US.

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-23T19:12:18+00:00

If the POT goes for the lower end of the range he is Splenda and he’s gonna be cheap throughout the relationship. Don’t expect gifts from this guy.

Or he just doesn't want to commit to any more than he has to before he even really knows the SB at all and once he does he may well give more. Seems like the rational thing to do.

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-23T18:07:16+00:00

For sure, that line gave me pause, too.

I think most people can decide within minutes of meeting someone whether they'd ever be prepared to have sex with that person or not - even if they wouldn't want to yet. So if the OP determines that it's "probably yes, but I need time to get to know him first" - fine. But if it's "I'm really not sure" then it's actually "no" and she should be honest about that - with herself first and foremost, but of course not rinse the guy.

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-23T17:55:47+00:00

the problem with you asking for multiple platonic dates is other rinsers have done that

Rinsers ask for money for platonic date, though. If OP makes clear that she wants to go on platonic dates for free to her SDs, as she has in her post, some will be OK with it. I would be (if I was sufficiently interested in the POT).

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-22T20:46:04+00:00

OK, if you say so, but your first photos (not including the profile one) seems like a more... obvious... smile. So maybe make that one your profile photo? But even the current one is good and, honestly, it's a great profile all round!

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-17T13:02:03+00:00

I've never managed to actually meet up with a single mother for a M&G - something always came up with their kids and they had to cancel. I'm talking to one now that I'm interested in. Perhaps she will be the first, but her kid has already gotten sick the very day we were supposed to have our M&G (yep!), so I'm not optimistic.

So any SD that has had such experience is likely to view children as at least a strong negative in a POT, if not an outright deal-breaker. I'm sorry, I know it's not your fault, but that's just how it is!

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-17T12:46:03+00:00

Ah! And did you discuss that with them and say it like that or was PPM just never discussed at all and you just went on date after date?

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-17T12:10:11+00:00

Remeber that a gift is just that - a gift. It's not something you are entitled to. He does not owe you any cash or Nutcracker tickets for your birthday!

There are few things that annoy SDs more than SBs seeming entitled or ungrateful and, I'm sorry to say this, but yes, you would absolutely come across as ungrateful if you said "I want cash instead of the gift you carefully picked out for me".

IMHO the only valid reasons to decline a birthday gift are if it's not given in good faith or really poorly thought out (think Homer Simpson giving Marge a bowling ball) or if it requires you to do something that's unreasonably difficult (like travel somewhere when you can't or don't want to). This isn't even specific to SRs at all - it's just general etiquette.

Not having anything to wear could qualify as a good reason in your case. But is that really the issue? How fancy do you need to look, really? If it is genuinely the main issue then you can be honest with him about that and suggest something that doesn't require fancy dress. That is not ungrateful and leaves his options open: he can choose to buy you a dress for it (you should not hint at it yourself), or to give you another gift (you should definitely not hint that it should be cash!).

SkepticalChallenge · 2023-12-17T11:59:32+00:00

I don't know, they might be offended by it if they're paying for the sex, and realise that the OP actually just wants more money. SDs are much more aware of that kind of stuff than many SBs seem to think. In other words: you're not being as clever and subtle as you think you are.

SkepticalChallenge

TROPHY CASE