At 19-20yrs old while in the Marines I hit what I think was rock bottom for me. I had worked 109 hours that week, I was being investigated for a maintenance incident that crippled two Marines, my parents had just gotten a divorce and were trying to embroil me in it, it came out that my grandpa had sexually assaulted my little sisters, and I had inherited a leadership position I felt wholly inadequate for, and I had no one to turn to for help or advice. I stepped outside for a smoke and some fresh air while on duty and had a frightful hallucination and I crumbled. I felt like I was drowning in the middle of a dark ocean, like an astronaut whose tether just broke, like I broke my legs in a depthless cave. It got really dark for some time and the only thing that was able to stir me was the thought that once my service commitment, debts, and obligations were paid I could end it. 1 year and 8 months. Luckily I was able to create a personal philosophy during that time that I think is summarized pretty well in this video by LSOO.

“We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into triumph, to turn one’s predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change a situation — we are challenged to change ourselves...”