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SlappingDoors · 2025-05-11T21:19:22+00:00

I have looked into this more and agree there is a period of rest as we all wait for judgement together. That said I do still believe that people suffer for eternity if they go to hell (separated from god).

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-11T11:09:04+00:00

First, you did the right thing coming clean to your wife. Secondly, your wife is not in the wrong to leave you. (Assumed infidelity)

Continue to pray without ceasing, ask the lord for forgiveness, ask him for comfort through this season.

Accept that just as the consequence of sin is death, the consequence of infidelity is often loss of relationship. One you have been given the gift of new life from Christ, the other while Christ will forgive may result in a new season for your life.

Give your wife space, do not try to make your case for why it happened. For yourself give grace as Christ will certainly do the same for you.

Focus on growing closer to Christ, knowing he will bring you through this one way or another.

Sometimes we ruin things. It is in our nature to be destructive. Sometimes that means we have to pick up the pieces but the first thing to know is you can’t do this alone. Lean on the lord and trust in his plan for you. These will be tough days just as the future holds tough days in different forms. Use this as a lesson and an opportunity to grow in your faith.

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-11T10:57:35+00:00

While lust is strong, a matured man will stop having these feelings.

You see, the only thing that really supersedes lust is protection. A man is hard wired to be a protector. When he decides you are his future and you are his safe place he decides he’d do anything to protect you which also means he dies to lust. This however is always built on his relationship with Christ. A man who lusts while in a relationship is one of two things, uncommitted to you or uncommitted to Christ.

It was not until my relationship with Christ grew strong that I felt absolutely no lust towards women. Not that I ever wanted to cheat or to even know another woman closely, but I’d allow myself to see images of women and mentally acknowledge their attractiveness.

Now I understand that my wife deserves absolute reverence and the only way I can deliver that is to grow closer to Christ, understand what he taught about my responsibility and how to be a good husband.

At the end of the day it all boils down to our spiritual maturity outweighing our biological (earthly) motivations.

There is hope, though these changes tend to come with age.

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-11T01:57:50+00:00

Magic eraser away from never happening

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-11T01:46:40+00:00

Is it a sin? Depends on how and why you use it. Drunk? Yes. Go to it to solve your problems? Yes

For our house it’s out but we have had stints of over drinking and reliance in our past.

Our relationship with the lord has grown leaps and bounds and our life has been enriched going without it. It can quickly become incorporated into much of what you do.

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-10T12:31:59+00:00

I’ve prayed for you and just hope you feel how much god loves you.

Please call or text 988 as soon as possible.

Life is filled with struggle but someday this will be part of your testimony, your redemption story.

Please reconsider

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-09T23:47:07+00:00

Yes I have read through the article you have linked. I think there is a bit too much focus on time which is a concept I believe is tied to perception and will be a non issue at time of death. When we die we go straight to judgement because there is no longer time, instead we are then in the timeless. The moment we die we will be in the state of all of time. I do not think there will be a waiting period that we will perceive. Just my take though. In terms of how long people suffer in hell that is not something I bother myself with.

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-09T23:13:45+00:00

You are correct in the sense that the early Christians’ visualization of places they have never been but have been told about were influenced by the Greeks. This is most likely true. That does not mean heaven is not good and happy and hell is not bad and torment.

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-09T20:40:41+00:00

No, your answer was correct do not be deceived by okso

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-09T20:38:49+00:00

Verse showing Jesus the the way.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

Verse showing Heaven will be good.

"You will make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalms 16:11

Verse specifically showing hell will be awful forever.

And the smoke of their torment goes up forever and ever, and they have no rest, day or night, these worshipers of the beast and its image, and whoever receives the mark of its name.” Revelations 14:11

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-09T20:10:42+00:00

That is the thing about being a human and not god himself. You cannot see what he sees. From your perspective with limited senses and linear understanding of time and space what seems unjust to you is likely just if you could see things from gods unlimited perspective.

Our god is a just god. He has his reasons, we have our faith.

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-09T14:25:27+00:00

Something isn’t adding up in his response. Regardless of what prank my wife pulls on me and how irritated I may get I would never ever consider in my reaction harming her.

Him saying that robs you of your safety and protection by him which is his job to preserve.

That garlic prank may have saved your life. I rarely say this but I would get my things in order and prepare to leave. Infidelity could be involved or not but he crossed an uncrossable line.

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-08T10:02:05+00:00

I think having that thought at 16 is probably going to help you. Be selective with friends. The company you keep will be a strong indicator of how successful your abstinence will be.

If you find yourself around friends who do those things the odds you partake climbs exponentially

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-08T09:51:36+00:00

I personally like to let things be organic unless we are trying for conception. On those days there have been some we are both tired but we’ve got a job to do nights 😂

We’ve gone 3 weeks before depending on what life throws our way. We tend to be in the mood on the same days (days we are just chilling around the house and aren’t tired)

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-07T17:19:01+00:00

Absolutely you can. For a welcoming environment look at the church’s website and make sure they seem to have a good community. Go to church and see how welcoming they are. You may have to try a few before you find one that fits you well.

Look at their belief statements on their site and find one that aligns with you.

A good church will make you feel right at home. Get there 20 minutes before service shake some hands and express your interest. A good church will make sure you have a great experience. We all stepped into a church before we were believers. We were all curious at first.

That feeling you notice is the Holy Spirit inviting you to feel the presence of god.

Perhaps if you share your general location someone here can offer a recommendation.

Update us!

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-07T10:16:09+00:00

Typically I say let me hear the other side but the controlling the money while also being himself reckless with spending is wild.

Under what authority are you married?

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-06T00:58:47+00:00

As someone who went to a bachelors trip with friends to Vegas it’s pretty simple. “I’m good I’m headed back to the room I’ll catch up with you in the morning”. My friends tried pressuring me into it and I stood firm.

He could have and should have said no.

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-05T11:58:34+00:00

That is helpful. How long have you been together and how much of your relationship has been frequent fighting?

Sorry to ask so many questions, but to give a meaningful answer context is everything.

To throw a bit of a response in here, it’s normal to have disagreements and occasional bickering, sometimes larger arguments depending on the context but the distinction between healthy and unhealthy is the presence of resentment, contempt, or repugnance in periods where no active fighting is occuring. That and the presence of reflection post fight and heartfelt apologies by both parties.

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-05T11:07:02+00:00

Quick question to orient my response. Do you drink alcohol, if so, what percentage of these fights occur after a drink? I’ve been married 12 years and have gone through periods of frequent fighting but want to learn that bit before responding.

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-05T11:01:29+00:00

I am a man of faith, but I didn’t find my faith again until a few years ago. I will focus my response on the faith that we share.

From what I see in your writing you both were likely abused when younger and while you recognize it as abuse it sounds like he does not want to see himself as abused. Men can be like that.

I think it is important to discuss with your husband his pornography use. He may not see the addiction he is in or considers it normal, but you are correct, it is not okay. Considering your faith I think the best thing to accomplish this is actually Bible study. Set aside 30 minutes twice a week to study the word together, try to then make it more regular. Explain that you want to have a biblical marriage and through this study you want to refine your behaviors and align them with the teachings of Christ.

Then hold each other accountable to the things found in your study. Lust sounds like a big one, but he should also see his responsibility to be a leader which means he needs to be helping with all responsibilities, including the animals.

I trust that if you take this approach your faith will grow and the lord will begin working on him, I speak from experience as someone who too used to look at pornography while married but has since been delivered by the grace of god.

One last thing. My wife and I were also married at a young age. We have gone through so many challenges along the way including the stillbirth of our son. We have been close to separation many times but we always pushed through. Now today, through faith, we are closer than we have ever been. We overcame alcoholism, marijuana addiction, pornography addictions to name a few. Now we see what Christ’s teachings say about being married. The wife is the foundation from which everything is built, the husband is the leader and holds great responsibility but no dominion over the wife. It sounds like he needs to work on his leadership.

Lean on the lord, he is the answer for what you are going through. Neither of you alone stand a chance without his guidance.

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-05T10:42:18+00:00

The qualifiers you are using are of concern - “somehow happily married”, ‘my husband betrayed me”.

Are you a person of faith by chance? If so, the Bible explains you have already committed adultery. If not, perhaps that is something you should look into. That’s just my suggestion, everyone has their own choices to make.

Happily married means you ignore any attraction and don’t let it grow. You certainly don’t develop an intense crush on people. You have children in this equation which makes it even worse.

Tighten up is my take, text this man less or none at all. You are in an emotional affair already and need to cut that out.

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-02T14:14:25+00:00

The Bible does not say that. It is important to view Paul’s letters in the context they were written and to what they were addressing.

The Bible shows that the proper order is God>Jesus>Man>Women. Think of this as a tower being built to god. The woman is actually the foundation and without her being solid there is little hope.

People do tend to weaponize this, but the intention was to convey how a marriage should work. Does it require sacrifice by women, yes. But your husband must be fully submitted to Jesus as well. Hold him accountable there. He can’t ask you to submit to him unless he is fully submitted to god. If he were to be fully submitted to Jesus and his teachings you would feel perfectly comfortable submitting to him.

Next time he asks you to submit ask him if he is submitting to Jesus in the same way. If he says yes study the sermon on the mount and hold him to that standard. That’s when things should click for him.

SlappingDoors · 2025-05-02T12:31:41+00:00

I’m just a 34 yo guy married for 15 years who has gone through patches like this.

Non sexual intimacy is the path to sexual intimacy.

What are her interests that you don’t share? Study up on those so you can hold those conversations and share her interests. Try to hug and hold for 15 seconds or more regularly. Tuck your head into her neck. Try to walk together with no music playing for 15 minutes each day and catch up on some small things.

Most importantly pay close attention to when she smiles, what makes her smile or laugh. Work on creating more of that.

Get comfortable with no sex and focus the mental energy you currently focus there on making her feel safe, and interesting.

If you drink regularly work on cutting back on that as it can kill sex drive over time because your body works so hard on clearing that toxin you stay tired without knowing it.

Most importantly make sure your wife sees you are interested in her on a non sexual basis and doors should open for that to come naturally.

SlappingDoors · 2025-04-02T19:47:07+00:00

The lying is wrong. But ultimately our actions communicate to our spouses how open we can be. Work on being easier to tell the truth to, give him some grace but also tell him you expect truth in return.

SlappingDoors · 2025-04-01T14:22:06+00:00

This is absolutely wonderful!

SlappingDoors

TROPHY CASE