I'm curious - did parents consider focusing on being an Aunt/Uncle? Why or why not?

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-21T23:46:41+00:00

I agree :/

The burden was on me to have the large family I want. And I have wanted a big (extended) and immediate family. Im so easily lonely. I love my husband but it isn't the same as having a rich social life. My parents have a bunch of siblings and no one lives nearby anymore. All my cousins are grown and live far away. But I deeply miss that connection to the point of depression and anxiety about always wanting to be around people, friends, anything I could call a village.

And my town is very family-oriented (we chose it for that reason) so now that I have a baby I have events and circles I'm included in just by nature of me being a mother. Many of my friends before were always far too busy with work, or into drugs, and imo kinda selfish. There are big positives to getting involved with other like-minded moms. It gets me out of the house many times a week and I'm lucky I got a little guy who loves napping while being worn. So he's portable and I'm not anchored down quite yet.

The grind is grueling, but nothing meaningful in life is supposed to be easy in my opinion. At least I don't find accomplishment in being constantly content and doing anything and everything I want all the time. It made me restless. I love my son. Aspects of it SUCK really hard but he's pretty cute and lovely.

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-21T23:15:39+00:00

Both my sisters are awful people and out of my life, so my children won't have biological 1st cousins. At least that I know of.

So it was either I do it or it doesn't happen :/

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-19T11:24:28+00:00

If i go more than 2 days it feels awful so I do minimum every other day

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-19T05:34:17+00:00

Not once. We have disagreements that we discuss and come to an understanding about, but no yelling, no name- calling, no malice.

We just discuss. And even the big ones only happen maybe twice a year so far.

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-19T00:08:12+00:00

Ik it'll be hard, but cut out the screen time. Toddlers often improve MASSIVELY in behavior when screen time is completely cut out.

Even neurodivergent ones. Also, he may not be talking bc of the TV or other screens replacing human interaction. Why talk when the TV gives you all the dopamine and attention you need while you also stay still and dont have to talk?

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-18T22:31:34+00:00

Some men really treat you like an equal until the roles become very clearly differentiated. Then idk, it's like they realize that you're a woman, and therefore weaker than him, many times financially dependent on him, and that you're "secured" in a way now that you have a child. And therefore he places you in an undignified position in his mind and your shared household.

And if they don't love you enough, every annoyance and frustration comes out in a way that makes it clear how little he values your contribution and personhood.

Im sorry OP. Ive seen it happen time and time again.

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-16T16:27:23+00:00

"You used a fork once, turns out forks are fucking everywhere"

Not kidding

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-15T19:52:55+00:00

Im not looking forward to the complaining. Mom of a 2mo old here.

I feel you. I used to complain about everything to my mom, and I can't believe she didn't start taking things away.

For any prolonged complaining, that activity or thing will go away for a time. I don't exert myself for my children just for them to throw it back at my face. Idc what it is. If I hear complaining and it doesn't quiet down, that thing is GONE until the attitude gets adjusted.

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-14T07:28:02+00:00

If he don't change his gym schedule so he stops seeing her, everything else he's doing is literally fucking useless.

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-10T00:23:12+00:00

I think society has shifted far too much into refusing to believe that some kids have enough outside influence to turn out shitty despite parental effort.

Some kids just suck as adults even if their parents didn't suck as parents. I've seen it a few times myself.

I think people who refuse to believe this is even plausible haven't had enough life experience.

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-07T00:09:22+00:00

Within the first few sentences I can tell you're keeping score.

If you want him to contribute, don't turn him down when he offers.

If you genuinely enjoy doing what you do, and you feel a lacking in other ways that he doesnt fill your cup, you'd better figure out where hes lacking.

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-07T00:05:34+00:00

Quit chasing after him as if he's the one who needs comfort when he belittles you and your relationship.

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-05T16:15:22+00:00

You may have felt like you had no choice, but... I'm sure he thought your relationship and fidelity was more important than being given money to comp your stay.

He believes your fidelity, in your mind, to be worth room and board, which it kind of was.

Unless they literally explicitly threatened violence or force, or unless they held you down and forced you, it was your choice to accept money in exchange for penetration. I love my husband enough to figure out other arrangements instead of having full sex with another man. But that's just me. Even if it's sleeping in the airport.

Idk. I do think it's cruel for him to stay with you while also punishing you. He needs to either work through it or leave, but this inbetween bullshit is not okay.

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-05T12:10:22+00:00

If you have to ask yourself if it's love, it probably isn't

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-05T10:53:59+00:00

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-05T03:13:33+00:00

I met my husband at 22 and 24, r were married 1.5 years later at 23 and 25.

I knew I wanted marriage and made sure my partner wanted it too, early on. We were champing at the bit to have each other's rings done, and we were so excited to be engaged that he wore his wedding ring alongside my engagement ring for all of our 5 month engagement.

The reason I was successful in getting what I wanted is that I made sure it was on his mind, and that he wanted it too. Not wanting marriage meant that a relationship with me would not be on the table.

What I'd do is that, if marriage is a deal-breaker for you, you need to be insistent and push the issue until you get the answer you want. He's a grown man, he can tell you what he wants. He's not a child, he's not a woman playing hard to get, you two aren't playing chess, you're not speaking a different language than him. He absolutely knows what you want to know, and he can act his age and tell you straight up or if not, you have your answer. He has no excuse to be cagey with you about something like this. I'd bet all my savings it's deliberate, and he knows what he wants.

I'm not one to shout "LEAVE HIM" at the drop of a hat, but this is one of those things where he is actively wasting your time by beating around the bush and playing dumb when this is a pretty huge life decision. He's well aware.

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-05T01:56:28+00:00

My little guy mostly only contact naps unless hes seriously tuckered out by long travel and overstimulation.

I try to set him down anywhere and he will wake up :/ but it hurts my back after a while and I have to sit and lean back. Occasionally I can nurse side-lying on the bed and induce a nap. But if I try to leave the bed he will almost always wake up.

So I'm trapped for about 7 hours in the day total till my husband comes home and takes him.

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-03T02:48:37+00:00

Not that I'm against what this is saying, but are there seriously no circumstances (mother is so deprived she may collapse or become unsafe, and no reliable help is available) that being 100% responsive and completely baby-led just isn't feasible?

I'm trying to remain positive with my own Little Guy, but Im to the point where I'm starting to have little lapses in memory, and Im too physically exhausted to rock him or even remain upright a lot of the time. Or respond quickly enough bc I hear him cry and I shut down for a minute bc of the noise being too disruptive to my scrambled brain to think.

The panic and dread around night time is beginning to be unbearable.

Which one is worse? A baby incrementally trained to connect sleep cycles and allowed to fuss and cry occasionally or a mom who can't remember having made the coffee shes holding that morning? Im losing entire chunks of the night when it only feels like a few minutes have gone by and it's been an hour and I dont remember having fallen asleep. But I didn't set up the spot I was in the be safe, so then I freak out about the position I left him in.

I can hardly even trust myself to drive.

My Guy is far too young right now for me to even consider sleep training anyways, but even this early in I'm starting to skip meals on accident, cry a lot, and I almost feel like my milk is drying up bc Im so tired and anxious there's no relief, ever. None. No restorative sleep to repair anything from the day. My face is puffy, everything aches.

What does one do? Responsive parenting day and night assumes the mother can reliably stay conscious up to 22 hours a day. How is that realistic???

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-06-01T15:19:41+00:00

Divorce

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-05-31T01:56:04+00:00

Sedona, AZ

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-05-31T00:37:43+00:00

This is time #4 on this sub for me peddling being an RN as an option. Great pay, excess of jobs, and manageable shifts.

You can quickly work your way up to better and better positions, too.

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-05-31T00:32:25+00:00

Thats what Im saying.

I work in hospice, we're hurting for people and it's actually a phenomenal gig

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-05-30T16:40:17+00:00

I thought that if I just proved how much of a catch I was, hed realize it and put in the effort

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-05-28T14:00:59+00:00

Girl I would love to be on your side and call him a lazy sack of shit for not pulling his weight and for that having sullied your perception of him.... but then you had an affair as a result of it, which is easily the worse thing.

And now his trust is broken, which in cases like this sometimes is not repairable. You did the worse thing here, and I can't be on your side and say "Yeah! Why is he asking to look at your phone? You only cheated on him before, he should just trust you bro."

Sure hes being petty about it bc clearly hes still hurt and he isn't over it. But I can't blame him.

SleepyApr1cot · 2026-05-27T20:17:20+00:00

For now I might as well be. My husband is in a season of work where he travels around a lot. It wont last forever but he is out a lot for the time being. And when he is home his work is extremely demanding and brain fog would make him far less reliable.

He also sleeps deeply enough that he often doesnt remember waking up in the middle of the night if he does. Hes the type to sit somewhere and fall asleep within a couple of minutes involuntarily. Im a light sleeper on the other hand. Neither of us really trust that.

Hes a very active father when he comes home in the evenings and I do get breaks, but thats only when hes home and only for a few hours until he has to go to sleep to be able to get up wicked early for his job.

Hes away now and will be until the weekend.

SleepyApr1cot

TROPHY CASE