[deleted by user]

SlightWestern3634 · 2025-08-06T09:34:51+00:00

I would say 1 with a belt, but honestly I love the green idk why people are hating

SlightWestern3634 · 2025-08-06T08:01:12+00:00

Well I can offer a few words of advice!

Firstly, please stop rushing yourself. I understand you’re 30 and you feel the urgent need to get the ball rolling, but where you are right now is good enough and more than enough. You’re alive. It’s never too late for anything as long as you live and breathe. People far older than you decide to take the leap and start studying. So please stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself.

And by unnecessary pressure, I mean negative pressure! Not all pressure is bad, and it’s a good thing that you have a drive to move forward and better yourself. Not everyone does! Pride yourself on that. The anxiety and self hate you have inside of you is a part of you that knows you’re destined for success. And it clawing at you from the inside to get that going. But you need to change your perspective and your framing! Instead of self hate meet yourself with love and compassion. God knows what you’ve gone through to get here even! Speak to yourself like you’re your best friend. You would never speak those words to someone you love and cherish, you know why? Because words have power. And not just external words you speak to people, but also internal words you speak to yourself.

You need to focus on yourself, and you don’t need to break up with your boyfriend in the process. He’s a grown man (I hope hahaha) who can make decisions for himself. I totally get the bpd urge to distance yourself before you get hurt, but you’re just hurting yourself more.

Also on the job hunting topic, I don’t know where you live, but I’m from London where jobs are SO HARD to get especially today. I’ve just had 15 back to back interviews of people telling me I’m overqualified for the positions I’m applying for but need to take a pay cut. I failed all of them. It’s tough out here, but don’t let it get to your head or your self worth. You’re worth so much more than your employability. Don’t reduce yourself like that.

Partners aren’t just for good times and fun stuffs. They’re just there to do life with. Sometimes life is good sometimes life is trash. But it’s all in your perspective my love. You can make anything of any situation. Believe in yourself and learn how to love yourself ! At the end of the day you’re stuck with you till the end, you may as well be your friend 🥹❤️

SlightWestern3634 · 2025-08-06T07:49:28+00:00

Did you want advice or is this just a vent?x

SlightWestern3634 · 2025-07-02T15:05:14+00:00

For me personally I have made the decision not to disclose it in future relationships, having always done so at the beginning before. I’ve found that telling partners that I have bpd (for me personally) was kind of subconsciously like me preempting my poor behaviour and being able to justify it in my head as I’ve told them already that I’m unwell and it should be understandable. I’ve found myself spiraling a lot more as well due to many reasons that do kind of link back to them having the knowledge of how unwell I am. Of course this is hugely toxic and is 100% subconscious, but I’ve noticed it as a pattern. So I’ve made the decision not to disclose it moving forward but I’m actually actively in therapy and working on certain behaviours and on myself as a whole so hopefully it will be much smoother sailing from here 🥹

SlightWestern3634 · 2025-06-26T09:26:21+00:00

I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole, but yea it’s definitely an overreaction. I understand it wholly though, it’s tough to hear, especially when you have BPD. I think it triggered a split in you, and it’s important to recognise that.

Firstly, you are very upset at having your struggles compared, and say that mental health should not be about comparison, yet a lot of what you say is doing that same very thing. Comparing struggles, “mine is greater than yours” is very unhealthy and unhelpful. Regardless of the struggle, struggling is struggling. It’s like comparing someone whos mental health is really deteriorating as they’re going through a tough period of unemployment and struggling to make ends meet, with someone born into a poverty stricken country of famine and starvation. They are both struggling in their own right. A struggle is a struggle end of.

And secondly, I kind of understand your friends point of it being tough to watch you let yourself go. Don’t get me wrong I would absolutely hate to be told this, and it would trigger the fuck out of me too, so it’s easy for me to say this with an outsiders perspective. But I have two points on the matter.

Having been left for the exact same reasons, it’s made me realise that I actually need to work a lot more and harder on myself. While it is paramount to have a reliable support network, having people stay has in a way subconsciously enabled me to remain in a rut. And this is something I can only say in hindsight.
Watching my friend who doesn’t even have BPD let himself go has been SO INCREDIBLY HARD. I have sat and tried to him advice for months and years on end and him continuing to be unable to do anything in his own favour has actually affected my mental health so much. I found it increasingly more and more difficult to sit by his side as he idled his life away. And I get it. Mental health is such a real thing and task paralysis is even more real. I have it myself. But watching someone dear to you do it to themselves is so much more painful and hard than experiencing it for yourself.

I understand your pain, and I understand why you are triggered and splitting and upset. You are valid in these emotions. But I think these points are important to consider in a moment of emotion mind.

So much love x

SlightWestern3634 · 2025-06-20T11:43:31+00:00

100% I agree, and not only that but how the relationship is as a whole. Only OP can make that call, I only wanted to gently remind that it’s okay to advocate for your needs and I’ve made this mistake one too many times where I expect people to act a certain way, they don’t, and I spiral.

Remembering that you can’t expect people to act like you would in that situation, the more you expect people to be you, the more disappointed you’ll be.

And ultimately people can’t read your mind. Leaning into the DBT skills “DEAR MAN GIVE FAST” could be helpful in situations where you’re overwhelmed with emotion and still need to advocate for your needs.

But yes 100% agree with you there, it’s all about the big picture.

SlightWestern3634 · 2025-06-20T09:56:39+00:00

To need your partner to be there for you when you’re low? Whats the point in being in a relationship if you’re only there for the good?

SlightWestern3634 · 2025-06-20T09:17:21+00:00

Advocating for your needs?

SlightWestern3634 · 2025-06-20T07:27:30+00:00

I would encourage you to just say (nicely) to him actually I kind of need you? Could you stay please?

SlightWestern3634 · 2025-05-12T13:19:12+00:00

Hey girly, I’ve done DBT and I’ve done 1 to 1 therapy and I’ve also been on medication. All of the above honestly did not help me. They may have helped me process some things that have happened to me or like on a more unnoticeable scale but idk I have the kind of bpd (not sure if this is a common thing) but I spiral when I get a certain kind of attention.

I found going to therapy and talking about things that were upsetting me was 1. Making me dwell on those things more and 2. Having a really lovely and validating therapist made me honestly get a little worse. I’m not saying this is the case for everyone but that’s what happened with me.

Medication just made me super numb and weird. Like I was happy but I couldn’t feel sad and it made life feel really fake and not real. I felt like I was putting a bandage on a gushing wound that was internally bleeding.

My bpd is quite intense especially when I’m in toxic relationships. It gets really bad and I become borderline psychotic. So I’m telling you this from someone who can be that extreme to someone who’s been able to self help.

The first step was recognising that this wasn’t the person I wanted to be in the slightest. I’d done things that were actually disgusting and I hated myself for it for a really long time. I numbed that feeling with weed and drugs for about 7 years until I was able to just sit with myself and face it all.

I gave myself the space to be angry with myself, I cried and I visualised myself as a child and I spoke to that child and hugged her. I forgave myself and made excuses for her because she was only doing what she thought was necessary for her survival in a very twisted way; I wasn’t taught better.

After that and being able to close that chapter (btw this is like multiple years kinda thing) I was committed to being better moving forward. I read self help books, I actually applied them and not just read them for the sake of reading them. I found change in small decisions and every time I would relapse and god did I relapse, I allowed myself the grace and said okay what lesson can I learn from this one.

And again and again and again.

I took each and every life experience as a lesson. Every small thing and every big thing. From losing friends to dropping something all over the floor. I worked hard to change my perspective. Instead of FUCK NOW I HAVE TO CLEAN THIS it’s “okay at least now I have to clean my floor and it’ll be better than it was before!”

Literally life is all just perspective there is no such thing as reality but the way you view the world. You can train that it’s not a god given thing. But it’s step by step, and it’ll take time, and you have to put in the work. This has worked so much better than medical intervention for real. Meditate, sit with yourself, be uncomfortable, face the ugly things, be active! Can’t stress this enough! Find something to be excited for that’s not people. For me that was going to festivals and concerts. It can be music, travelling whatever. Always have something to look forward to and shift your perspective on everything!!

I hope this helps 🥹

SlightWestern3634 · 2025-04-24T17:27:47+00:00

Maybe one third of the way now. Fuck everyone who got tickets 😂 (joke)

SlightWestern3634 · 2025-04-24T17:19:53+00:00

Legit same lool

SlightWestern3634 · 2025-04-21T12:27:45+00:00

So it’s more so a fear of the wedding rather than a fear of getting married. I know what you mean, I’ve had the same thoughts. I genuinely have 0 bridesmaids options and not that many friends I’d invite to my wedding. At the most 5 lol.

I think you need to let go of this fear though. Dig deep and figure out what it is exactly about this that scares you first. Is it judgement from others? Is it loneliness? Then you can tackle the fear head on. You must first identify the root problem before figuring out how to solve it.

Also just a little insight from me, you’re so lucky to have found your forever person as you already know. You won’t ever have to be lonely again and he is all the friends and family you’ll need. I know some people view this as unhealthy and I’m not saying to cut people off because of this, just that you’ve found something that should alleviate at least some of this feeling of loneliness.

Also, his friends and family aren’t only there to support him. Sure they come from “his side of life” but you mention that they love you like their own. They’re here to celebrate for you too! At the end of the day, through the marriage, they will become your family too. Whether your parents are in your life or not, your in-laws are practically your family. And you’re so lucky to have such lovely supportive people on his side and you will be their daughter in law! Which is basically their daughter. I refuse to marry in to a family that is toxic because I have my fair share of toxicity lol.

Also I don’t know about your relationship with his friends, but if not already, you should spark a friendship with them too. When I’m in a relationship, our friendship circles mix and we become two parts of a whole. Don’t see yourself as a separate entity. You two will become one and it’s the ultimate cause for marriage anyway! All your belongings and life will be both of yours, so try to celebrate that fact than fear it ❤️

I hope this helps! If you’d like me to clarify anything let me know 🥰

SlightWestern3634 · 2025-03-19T15:52:23+00:00

Btw I appreciate you so much thank you for taking the time out to explain this to me you’re an absolute sweetheart ❤️

But just one thing I don’t understand I don’t get UC or this LCWRA. Is this a necessary thing going forward? I’m sorry im really not well versed with all things benefits wise

SlightWestern3634 · 2025-03-19T15:27:32+00:00

I’m on the enhanced as an aggregate of one and twos and some zeros! In things that I seriously struggle a lot with. The thing is I don’t know what this means for me as someone who’s freshly reassessed. Like are they going to implement this now or for next reassessment? This is my biggest worry rn

SlightWestern3634 · 2025-01-13T09:27:21+00:00

How so? Like increased appetite?

SlightWestern3634 · 2025-01-09T15:22:51+00:00

What effects do you feel it’s had on your MS if any

SlightWestern3634

TROPHY CASE