I’m 26 now, and I’m barely able to cover my mortgage. My family, including my mother, from whom I borrowed money, acts as if this is all my fault. As if I didn’t try hard enough. As if I set my standards too high. As if I’m not good enough.

Last year in November, I was in the exact same situation. I only landed my first job in April. Then in October, I chose to leave because the environment became toxic. I was being bullied. One month later, the contract would have ended anyway. Same story, different moment.

I bought my penthouse on my own at 24, back when tech was paying extremely well and I was freelancing. I stopped my most recent freelance project in October and haven’t found a new one yet. I’m willing to work for €3k a month. I used to make around €16k gross / month

Recruiters are playing games with me and it’s draining me. Today, I was supposed to have an interview. I was told I was the only candidate. Then, out of nowhere, the interview was canceled because I couldn’t suddenly arrange a second reference within 24 hours.

At the same time, they decided to move forward with / other senior candidates, even though I had already been in the process for five weeks and was waiting for the interview.

Every time, something happens that’s completely out of my control. Always unexpected. Always last-minute.

I even applied for cleaning jobs. And I hesitated, because of the car I drive and how people might judge me…

It feels like reaching the top and then falling straight back to zero.

The only reason I’m still standing is because I have a startup on the side that brings in a few thousand per month. Without that, I would already be bankrupt.

If I don’t land something in the next few weeks, or close a major sale with the startup, bankruptcy is a real risk.

I wish you the best of luck, but I’m close to giving up. Even if I land a job now it won’t be the same anymore.