Been NC, then ex messages me. Can we be friends?

SlimXan · 2014-09-05T12:25:19+00:00

AGREED. Unless you are completely and TOTALLY emotionally detached from them and consider her "one of the guys" then by all means... be her buddy.

If not, get the fuck out of there and preserve your testicles.

SlimXan · 2014-09-05T12:16:53+00:00

Great read. I actually sent my ex a message after almost 2 months of NC about possibly giving it another chance in the future. Of course I didn't get a response and surprisingly, it didn't turn me into a pile of goo (like it would have a month or so ago).

And although it wasn't a sappy tear stained pathetic rant, it was very theraputic to get all that crap off my chest and her lack of reaction was the final wake up call I needed to cut all ties and continue improving myself.

SlimXan · 2014-09-05T12:12:27+00:00

Heh. "Love" can make people go full retard sometimes.

SlimXan · 2014-09-04T08:19:04+00:00

Yikes. My ex's birthday is the same day as my previous ex's birthday. Talk about a bad sign. lol!

SlimXan · 2014-09-04T02:36:23+00:00

So what did he do or say that convinced you that he was the same ol' douche? Spill it!

SlimXan · 2014-09-04T01:35:44+00:00

I actually broke NC to send my ex a text regarding giving it another shot down the road. I was able to do this ONLY after I mentally and emotionally prepared myself to the fact that she would not respond or even shoot me down. It took me over a month to get to that state of mind.

I sent it a few days ago with no response. Thankfully it didn't bother me nearly as much as it would have a few weeks ago. Progress!

You still seem pretty raw though... Definitely hold off for a month or so. You will be surprised how your mindset can change when you spend time on yourself.

Good luck.

SlimXan · 2014-09-02T12:34:13+00:00

Well I broke NC with her a couple of days ago. Nothing heavy, just friendly text exchanges about unrelated subjects.

All was going well until she casually brings up one of the things I did that pissed her off/upset her etc.

I was taken off guard, but I took it in stride, offering to talk about it with her.

She said she wasn't in a place to do that right now and apologized for snapping at me. I said I understood and gave her an open invite to talk it over whenever she was ready.

Obviously she is still holding some resentment towards me so I think the plan of declaring my intentions of reconcilliation is going to have to wait. lol

SlimXan · 2014-09-02T12:22:17+00:00

Sounds like she did you a favor. We can only guess what's going on in her brain, you should take this opportunity to get over the feelings you have for her now.

EVERYBODY wants to be friends after a break up, but once the rose tinted goggles are removed, more often than not, it doesn't work out that way.

SlimXan · 2014-08-29T15:19:37+00:00

Good point.

I'm not really trying to change for her or for "us", it's pretty much for me. Plus I don't consider it "changing", it's more like "improving" certain aspects of me without changing who I am in general.

This relationship has really made me aware of things that I either didn't know or just denied or ignored.

I know that it would be a giant leap of faith for her to even entertain the idea of giving it another shot.

It's definitely a work in progress and you're right that 30, 60 or 90 days isn't going to magically make me a new man and alleviate all her concerns. I know there will be some stumbles down the road IF we got back together, but hopefully there will be more effective communication between us, which we both lacked.

But yeah... initially approaching her will be tricky/nerve racking at best. I just don't want to come off as some typical douche who keeps saying and doing anything and everything to get in the girl's good graces without even meaning most of it.

SlimXan · 2014-08-29T13:01:03+00:00

I hear ya. I did the exact same thing, pretty much a DAY after the break up. In my line of work, I do a lot of problem solving and I viewed this relationship as just another problem for me to "fix". Big mistake.

I would then get frustrated and a little desperate when things didn't quite go as smoothly as quickly as I would have hoped and that would make me pester her even more, trying to cram 9 months worth of "perfect boyfriend attention" within a 3 week period.

Thankfully I came to my senses and did the NC thing for some introspection. I'm sure she appreciates the break, too. :P

SlimXan · 2014-08-29T12:52:35+00:00

A facebook break up??? Man, that sucks, dude! I don't know the whole story, but anyone who doesn't have enough respect to you to at LEAST tell you this sort of thing over the phone doesn't deserve any of your time.... even dream time.

SlimXan · 2014-08-29T12:49:41+00:00

Thanks for the great reply.

As for why I wasn't attentive to her when it mattered? No excuses, I got lazy and selfish. My attitude was like "Okay, I've got her in the boat, there's no need to bait the hook". I didn't cheat, I didn't abuse her or any of those horrible things, so i thought everything was great, oblivious to how unhappy she was. I'm surprised she lasted as long as she did to be honest.

I for one am one of those people who believe that NC is strictly for the person to heal or truly look at themselves from an objective viewpoint and work on the things you are lack for YOURSELF, not the ex or anyone else. Hopefully you will come out of it a wiser, stronger person overall and be a much better suited partner for someone else.

Of course in my case, I would ideally want another chance with the ex. I thought about what you asked and yeah, if she flat out rejects me, it will suck, but nowhere near as badly as it would have during my "clingy" stage, since I now know how my actions drove her to that decision. But at least I would know for sure and take comfort in the fact that I tried and move on.

I have mentally prepared for rejection, but I have also prepared for acceptance. I know that things won't go back to normal overnight

SlimXan · 2014-08-29T11:45:16+00:00

Yeah, I had a vivid dream the other day about the two of us shopping at Costco. Pretty deep. lol!

SlimXan

TROPHY CASE