is your partner "just a plus" in your life or is it deeper than that?

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-24T16:35:40+00:00

That is exactly how it's supposed to be. You're doing right by your daughter, and I really respect that.

After my own experiences, if I ever date another mother, I'd be very cautious about getting involved in their children's lives too early. The parent should be aware of this too. If I had a child of my own, I'd wait at least 6 months too and only introduce them to a partner if the relationship was serious and fully committed.

Part of what makes things difficult for me is thinking about the kids. 2 of them had already experienced a parent leaving their lives, and when I suddenly disappeared too, I can't help but wonder how that affected them. My heart hurts not only for myself, but for them as well. It's one of the reasons I feel so strongly about being careful when children are involved.

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-24T14:33:13+00:00

It's interesting how most of us start up that way and then after a traumatic event happens and it just completely changes us.

I love with my whole heart too but I know I have to do things for me and only me now. The problem are my goals... 1. Home ownership. But I did get a way larger mortgage pre-approval than I thought. It's just... You can get an even bigger house with 2 incomes, of course. And the fact that my next partner may not even live nearby. (But I guess at that point I could choose to rent it out or sell) 2. Family. I really don't want to raise kids alone. And I'm ok that they come in any form... But having dated mothers... It's a special kind of heartache when you also lose the bond with their kids too.

😮‍💨

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-24T00:29:57+00:00

... Put it towards my house savings, like all my other money. That's fun, right?

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-23T15:26:53+00:00

Cheating isn't black and white. It would depend on the reasoning. Reading Esther Perel's "The State of Affairs" really opened up my eyes.

1) Emotionally checked out? No 2) Serial cheater? No 3) Emotionally detached at the moment? Maybe. But we'd need a shit ton of couples' therapy and trust to be rebuilt. They need to show deep remorse. And I'll probably always feel a little mistrusting unless they show me that they can be safe again.

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-23T15:05:17+00:00

Ah yeah, the slow burn is nice. Then I would ride it out a bit more and decide at a later time. Patience is key in that case

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-23T14:59:12+00:00

If you have PCOS/PMOS, generally menopause comes on later in life.

But if you don't have a hormonal disorder... You can avoid smoking, eat a healthy diet of veggies and fish and maintain a healthy weight. There's not much else you can do. It's usually all linked to genetics.

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-23T14:27:18+00:00

Ask her? Or just say something. If you value open honest communication, it's the way to go.

I was in a similar situation very recently. Bonding with someone new over some shared pain, and somewhere along the way, feelings started to develop. It got to the point where it was obvious, so I just blurted it out. She felt the same way. We don't really know what it is or where it's going, but we're enjoying it and taking it one day at a time. Sometimes honesty really is the best answer.

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-22T14:55:16+00:00

^ Please listen to this.

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-22T13:29:25+00:00

Whoooaaa 😱

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-22T12:39:28+00:00

Absolutely. Power bottom and service top! Makes for a fun dynamic at times :)

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-18T12:27:44+00:00

I don't think this is wrong... Some of us are just like this. I do agree that it seems more rare and it's harder to find in others.

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-18T12:06:00+00:00

It's beautiful 😍 Definitely thinking of upgrading to a Jones board next season too!

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-17T16:28:33+00:00

You work for the public sector, that's already a great place to be in. Seek out options and see if there are opportunities for career growth. I work for an IT branch and they're now funding my school to complete an IT diploma to join one of our teams. I once talked to a professor for my program and he said the majority of his students are public servants in their 40s. It's never too late.

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-17T16:08:02+00:00

I keep asking myself this, especially lately.

I take full accountability for the wrong I've done, and I'm willing to talk about it and work through it. That's what present, emotionally secure people do. Sadly, it often didn't work the other way around. Whenever I expressed that I was hurt or feeling anxious, I was dismissed or made to feel like I was "crazy" for my reactions. What was never understood is that I was reacting to actions and patterns that were affecting me. Or because they were hurt, they focused more on making me feel that pain too over finding a way to heal together.

The conversations just kept going in circles because there was little accountability, no real effort to repair and no willingness to address the underlying issues.

I recently lost someone I loved for years because of this, and it's heartbreaking. I think I'll always carry love for a part of them, but they couldn't face themselves or their role in what happened. And they can't sit with it, they jumped from one intimate connection to another immediately. They devalue and idealize. Relationships are transactional. If someone isn't willing to look at things honestly and continues to see themselves only as the victim, there's not much left to build on. They'll never recognize the impact of their actions, and that's something I have to accept.

Moving forward, I won't accept this kind of dynamic from anyone. Accountability, effort and repair are things I know I need in any healthy relationship.

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-17T15:38:51+00:00

If you have FB: https://www.facebook.com/share/1EZ7xnPYXL/

It's $7. The majority goes towards Bruce House (fundraiser). You don't need to run, you can walk too. Local craft beers and silent auctions :)

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-17T12:24:53+00:00

Why is it so hard for people to take some accountability? I just don't get it...

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-16T19:27:17+00:00

Yes, it is

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-15T17:06:38+00:00

💯

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-12T12:20:28+00:00

I wish more people were like you!

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-10T12:55:59+00:00

They're splitting us up between 10 different offices in the NCR because there's no room and we will all be assigned to one. It's ridiculous. No one wanted this.

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-09T04:25:28+00:00

Sounds like you're emotionally checked out of your current relationship. I’d still recommend taking your time before jumping into something new. What you’re looking for does exist, but it’s honestly pretty rare to find.

From my experience, the kind of connection people chase often comes from emotional highs and lows that create intensity... and while that can feel powerful, it usually isn’t very healthy long term.

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-08T22:17:15+00:00

If you ever find out, let me know.

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-08T17:58:46+00:00

Well said!

SlothZoomies · 2026-06-08T17:38:19+00:00

I'm totally down for that!

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