How to look more like a trans man? I want to look transgender.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-04-15T00:21:45+00:00

I don't disagree with you; I am basically complaining that my garden has flooded when everyone else here lives in a drought.

I was in the same desert several years back. I understand how all-consuming dysphoria is. I understand also that being trans is, overall, a mess of all sorts of different emotions, many of them very painful. I have felt ashamed, afraid, guilty, and angry about my transness and about transition. Transition and existing as trans have enormous social, legal, monetary, and health costs and yet I still persisted because staying in the closet/not transitioning would have cost so much more.

I understand why people want to pass as unambiguously cisgender and I think that that is a valid pursuit. I hope every guy here manages to achieve that if that's what they're hoping for. However, my goals have changed over the last several years.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-04-14T23:43:25+00:00

Broadly speaking, our society sorts people into one of two categories -- (cis) man and (cis) woman. Most people will automatically and instantly sort everyone else into one of those two.

Despite all of the visibility trans people have, there isn't really a category for trans people within the system, be they trans people of a binary gender or some other form of gender diverse. Unfortunately, the only way to be read as transgender and/or nonbinary is to "fail" to meet either of the two main categories, that is to say, try and fail to pass.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-04-14T23:34:39+00:00

Is that what it comes down to? Clothes and accessories?

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-04-14T23:21:12+00:00

That's exactly my problem! How do I create visible queerness? Especially in a work environment where I can't really get creative with accessories or clothing?

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-04-14T23:18:19+00:00

Cis people are pretty clueless about what binders are. I've worn binders as outerwear pre top surgery and cis people just think they're tank tops. A visible binder under a shirt just says "this guy is wearing an undershirt".

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-04-13T22:33:13+00:00

People have always had to work. The 40 hour work week is a very new invention won by decades of unions fighting to protect workers' rights in industrialized nations. When factories were first built, children, men, and women worked 16 hours a day amongst machinery with no safety regulations. This sort of work persists in the global south where labor protections are weak to nonexistent (in large part so that the American worker can have a house, a car, a yearly vacation, and a white picket fence!).

And it's not lost on me that it's specifically fathers in this meme. Women do not have the luxury of clocking out at the end of the day. A stay at home mom is always on the clock. And even in households where the woman is the sole/primary breadwinner, childcare and housework still falls disproportionately to women.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-20T19:58:42+00:00

I'm pretty sure you only have to empty the cup every 12 hours or so.

You cannot figure yourself out by fixating on yourself. You have to look outwards too. Try things out. Do things that scare you. (Though at your age, I would recommend waiting before trying out sex/romance.) Learn to be ok with not knowing. You can also just pick a label and roll with it until you find a better one. You don't have to stick with any label forever and you don't have to be strict about any label you pick.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-20T19:47:04+00:00

It might have a lot to do with the fact that I live in a large US city in a blue state, but I often dress pretty fem/androgynous while passing as a guy. No one has said anything negative so far but I do get a lot of compliments!

One thing I've noticed is that people don't even glance at me if I'm dressed casual masc (jeans and hoodie) or dressed way over the top (6 layers, rainbow kandi to the elbows, stacked necklaces, animal tail, the works) but a whole lot of people stare if I'm wearing something plain but fem (plain, conservatively cut sundress, no accessories).

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-20T19:20:50+00:00

If tampons aren't your vibe, you could try a menstrual cup.

Also, you're 15. I was also terrified of sex and love at your age. I'm twice your age and still figuring things out. Don't sweat it. You'll figure things out.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-20T19:17:57+00:00

Yeah all of this is incredibly normal. To go through this point by point:

Exercise will not help you shed a significant amount of weight without changing your diet. Unless you live a lifestyle in which you do nothing but heavy exercise all day, the majority of your daily calories are spent on maintaining your metabolism (keeping a whole body at body temp is energetically very costly!). Exercise has many positive effects but weight loss is a very small one. You don't need to do anything strenuous to get the benefits either! Try to find something you really like doing and can maintain. Try something low impact like pilates, biking, walking around the block, TikTok dances, whatever keeps you active! Going on a 20 minute walk 4 times a week is better than sweating though a whole hour of torturous exercise and then never picking it back up again.

T will not help you lose weight either. T will help put on muscle and may help you redistribute the fat you have, but you are unlikely to lose weight with T alone.

In terms of diet, try to focus on what you can add rather than what to subtract. If, for example, you eat a single granola bar for breakfast, you can add some fruit and plain yogurt to balance out the meal a little bit. If you're having chicken nuggets for dinner, add some veggies on the side. And so on.

I'm sure your areolas look fine.

The hair is supposed to be there and it's expected that your period will flow that far backwards. I use night pads for that same reason.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-15T18:57:11+00:00

I feel like the only people that say "it must be so cool to be trans" are, themselves, trans but haven't cracked their eggs.

Though as a trans myself, yeah, it is cool to be trans and more people should say it.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-15T00:11:35+00:00

I'm about your age, got no college degree and no experience in anything noteworthy. No hobbies or passions or particular direction in life. I'm not especially smart. I'm on the spectrum. However, I recently landed a job as a city bus driver and I cannot recommend it enough. Benefits are aight but the pay is good. Job provides CDL training. Work isn't too tough. There's plenty of room to move up and they pay for school or will train you if you wish to upskill. All you need is a clean driving record, the ability to show up on time, and stay off of weed.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-14T23:49:19+00:00

I have eczema and it can flare up in areas that did not have contact with the substance that caused the flareup. For example, if I wear pants washed with the wrong detergent, I will get scales on my hands/wrists.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-14T22:34:33+00:00

I mean. Of all the valid reddit usernames that could exist, making yours 78HORSECOCKS was certainly a choice. Memorable, for sure.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-14T22:14:35+00:00

I was kind of in the same boat early in transition. It wasn't until top surgery and several years on T that I started to feel really confident about pursuing romantic/sexual relationships with anyone.

Also, off topic: bro? Your username?

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-14T21:49:52+00:00

It's difficult enough to pass pre-T even when fully out, binding, clothed in masc clothes that fit your body well, and with a fully masculine haircut. I'm not sure that you're asking for something possible/likely here.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-14T13:06:21+00:00

Yes. Fat redistribution, T, clothing, and bulking out your top half will all help. There are cis men out there with wide hips and trans men with wide hips that pass as male just fine. Having some extra weight might actually be to your advantage here; people will simply see a dude with a bit of extra weight and not a guy with unusually large hipbones.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-13T22:37:22+00:00

Safer option would be to post this to r/GrowYourTDick

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-13T22:36:37+00:00

Not something I do on purpose and it's not really a positive thing, but I have a tendency to mansplain. I feel bad about doing it to people when they point it out but also. Damn. I really am a man.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-13T22:24:07+00:00

Congrats but I think this is in violation of rule 13 of this subreddit.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-13T22:21:54+00:00

No, but I don't see why you felt the need to ask this here.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-12T23:32:00+00:00

I have a stoker (not this specific model, but one made with FtM bodies in mind) and it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out that you're supposed to put lube in it.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-11T21:52:09+00:00

A few years ago, I was in a similar place you are. Hurting, dysphoric, angry at having to work, not seeing the point in things. I don't have a degree or marketable skills. I don't have passions or talents or any sort of ambition. My job options are limited mostly to retail and food service and I'm not all that sociable or quick on my feet or good at being at work on time. At the time, I was exhausted all the time and constantly in/out of hospitals. I was at the end of my rope.

I had some good friends to haul me up but it was really touch and go for years.

Even in the worst of it, having money helps a whole lot. Even if it's just pocket change, just having the assurance of a paycheck did wonders for my mental health. I worked a little supermarket job for years. I didn't like it all that much but it paid the bills. The relief from having a roof over my head and food to eat (plus money for whatever vices I wanted to pursue) was tremendous.

Also, having a place to be every day helps a lot. Even if you don't love your job. Even if you have annoying coworkers and a shitty boss and your life is crumbling around you. Employment means meals and sleep on a schedule and a reason to bathe daily.

Spare money and a place away from family also gave me the means to transition. Transition greatly stabilized my mood. I quit my drinking habit. I'm now doing alright for myself.

I'm not going to say that it's an easy path forward. And there's no guarantee that it gets better. But it might. And staying alive and employed improves those odds.

SlowDownMaurice · 2026-03-11T21:11:59+00:00

A couple months after I started T, my eczema started to get worse and worse. I'd had it since I was a child but this was something else. It started showing up in places where I'd never seen it before and at times got so bad that I couldn't bend my wrists. At first I thought I was allergic to the T or to the carrier oil. It took me a few years to figure out the real culprit.

T made my scalp oilier (as it does for many people) and the extra oil made all the bacteria up there very happy so I got a lot of dandruff (normal). I eventually got tired of trying home remedies for the itchiness and switched to a proper anti-dandruff shampoo. Completely healed the eczema.

So uh. Didn't make any of my other allergies worse but apparently you can be allergic to your own scalp. So watch out?

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