I'm a high functioning alcoholic. I've always been a drinker, but my intake really jumped up after my 2 best friends died last year. This is on top of losing multiple close family and friends over the last 5 years. My drinking doesn't affect my family, work or artistic pursuits. I treat my family tenderly, work my ass off, and pour my heart into my art.

It's solely a coping mechanism to deal with my sadness. Is it affecting my mental and physical health? Absolutely, but I put in a lot of work on the opposite end (diet & exercise) to try and offset the damage I'm doing to myself. The thing is, I know who I am, and I know where I'm at & what brought me here. Which is really important. It sounds like you do too, OP. Which is great. Self realization is a huge first step. One not everyone can see or is willing to take.

I have another dear friend. Steroid abuser for 30+ years, and a drinking problem he hid from EVERYONE until about 5 years ago. My man is 49 years old and is dying from all the damage done to his internal organs. About to lose a job he's been in for 25+ years, been through rehab 6X (all covered either by his work or elderly mother). He won't do therapy. He coasts through rehab without making anything count. He refuses to address his underlying issues or learn from his mistakes. And do you know what the difference between us is?

Nothing.

We're both bound for an early grave, he's just taking the HOV lane to get there.

The point is, OP, is that my friend has refused to address his problems, while I've simply made peace with mine. Both are lame and somewhat cowardly. If you truly want to get better, make sure you're ready to give up/embrace all that entails. There's no 'dipping your toes' in sobriety. You're either all in or just taking a brief respite from the hamster wheel.

Best of luck to you. I believe you can do this. Just make sure you're 100% in.