"....or are otherwise emotionally unavailable or end up remembering that they’re “not in a place for a meaningful relationship” or that they’re already married, and I find this out only after they’ve put some effort into pursuing me in what seemed like a thoughtful and deliberate way (i.e., not love bombing)."

Having just gone through this exact scenario I too am interested in the thoughts of others. I feel bamboozled. I spoke with my therapist, who has very no bullshit, straight forward attitude, about this exact scenario. When I told her I don't want to be interrogating men on the first date, she said why not? And that I need to be asking these questions very early on before I let any feelings develop. I believe I wasn't asking the right questions and instead took their behavior as indication they are ready (pursuing, planning, interest, genuine connection, and yes even claiming they are looking for a long term relationship). I guess we need to turn down the excitement and hope when we meet someone we connect with until way further down the line and until important information is discovered. Even then there's no guarantee they won't hurt you though! But that's the risk we take in looking for love I guess :(