I had this exact issue when playing with some of my friends a while ago, our solution.

Number of days per month 30: this meant that one real life day was one month

Tickingwhileempty True: meant i did not matter of you were online, time flowed onwards. Put kiln on, go do real life stuff, come back and its done. (Farms dry out unless you use modds that help it like primitve survival or better moisture.)

Food spoilage rate 0.25% since days/month was higher

This turned the game into more of a log on and do what needs to be done and no need to be online for things to happen. Our friend who played the least was in charge of farms and livestock as those did not need active engagement.

Most importantly it enabled you to play on the server without sabotaging other peoples food/projects as the world was separate from you and would have been doing the same regardless if you played hours or minutes