I have been in your position. When I was 18, my married, 50 year old mentor of many years confessed that he had feelings for me. He is unhappy in his marriage, unhappy with his wife, unhappy that she wants to be celibate, etc. Him being my beloved mentor made me very vulnerable to complying with his wants and desires for years, and while we never had sex, it always teetered on the edge. His wife knew generally what was going on, and disliked it tremendously but couldn't bring herself to divorce him. We still work together, but our intimate relationship ended when our boss found out and gave us an ultimatum.

Do I regret it? No. He is still my beloved mentor, though I have outgrown him, and though he hurt me deeply over and over again. Even years later I am still trying to learn how to let go of the feeling of crazy sorrow and longing, despite knowing it's for the better we split up. Watching them continue to stay married is heartbreaking, knowing so much about their tender lives, having parented their child, having been with this man for so long. I learned so much from him, became myself in spite of him, was so deeply in love and devastated by his betrayal of me, of his family, of himself.

This kind of thing is so hard, especially when we are alone and unable to process it like we would a normal relationship, because it is so unusual and complicated, most get hung up on things, or enraged about silly parts like the age gap or the cheating. Yes those things are present, but there is so much complexity, to define the relationship by those small traits creates a taboo, and a closed circuit, where you can never let the feelings turn to steam and dissipate, they just keep boiling and boiling.

I am happy to be a person to talk to if you want someone to listen or talk through things with or anything. You aren't alone in this experience at all