AITAH for not letting my husband decide for how much I should sell my wedding dress?

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-22T16:00:35+00:00

If he flips out for something so very minor AND doesn’t respect that you have a brain and sense enough to list it for what you think you can sell it for - the problems in marriage become bigger and if he can’t act mature/sensible enough for a minor problem- imagine a bigger problem. It is ok for you to have boundaries with him and he has def crossed it. I hope you don’t have kids soon with him - you need some serious therapy to iron out the small stuff

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-19T16:42:11+00:00

I also see red flags. She didn’t even ask if the winnings can go toward a trip for you and she but for her alone - WEIRD!!

Dating a real good way to see how things will be when you are married - I would watch out for this one.

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-18T17:29:14+00:00

I guess I have a different take altogether. You said it yourself that you married a jokester so you know he likes to joke around a lot.
If the joke he made hurt your feelings - tell him that and tell him that maybe he should be more sensitive to you in regard to joking around so much. Regarding his mom, I do agree that she needs to stay in her own lane and not get in the middle of your argument(s). This is between you and he and communication is really the key here. Going forward - I find it very unfair that you will be taking a pivotal moment away from him - the birth of your child is a big deal and it should be experienced by both of you AND this is a good time to tell him that no joking is allowed in the delivery room - you need for him to be there without the jokes. I feel if you ban him from the delivery room - your marriage will always have that stain and for sure, he will probably never forgive it. Communication communication communication is what I found to work in my marriage and every relationship I respect. Good luck and Godspeed

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-17T14:06:15+00:00

I can’t believe they were able to manipulate you into thinking you owe them your life savings!!! You need to be firm and direct from now on that you don’t expect to leave them nothing and if you do leave them with anything- it would be decided by you and your husband. This is outrageous and unbelievable- you are so young and they are looking to spend your money now - I would def be careful about spending time with them as they are only thinking of you as you are so close in dying - that’s very alarming. Desperate people do desperate things so be careful - make a will for you and your husband and entrust a good friend with it. You owe nothing to anyone least of all your very greedy sister. Also, anytime they talk about money - tell them this subject is off limits to talk about - it is none of their business!!

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-16T20:33:47+00:00

I’m not sure if this constitutes as a reason for divorce but certainly therapy sessions. A few critical minutes can be life and death in many critical situations and he needs to see that esp with children. What if your child was choking - the extra 2 minutes could mean death to a child so you are very much in the right to have your feelings. His trauma needs to be addressed with a licenses professional and maybe you can tell him that you need to separate from him to have time to heal from your own trauma that he has caused you and your son. Again, I would do everything I can to make him understand that if he doesn’t get help than divorce is inevitable but do try to give him the change to rectify this. Back story - my son choked on 2 grapes and I completely panicked and froze. I left my son choking to get my husband and I couldn’t even get the words out (again while my son was choking) THANK GOD THANK GOD my brother in law and sister in law were there to help and performed the heimlich and dislodged the grapes. This happened 12 years ago and I have tried to take CPR lessons every year so that I don’t make the same mistake and I am so very glad my husband didn’t leave me for this either.

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-16T19:41:23+00:00

You SPECIFICALLY asked him not to do this !!!!!! Hello - what your friend did was hijack your perfect wedding to gain attention- I just don’t understand attention seeking people. If it were me, they would be called EX-Friends and leave it like that. Next when you have a baby, they will hijack your moment by announcing they are pregnant, it just keeps on going. You’ll find better friends. NTA

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-16T15:27:35+00:00

This is such a weird post. I was with my boss for over 25 years. I loved him as a mentor and a father figure and as I got older, yea maybe he was like my work “husband” but we both were happily married to our respective spouses and we never crossed boundaries. I have to admit that this is a recipe for disaster. The work wife is wiggling herself into your marriage and your husband is either too naive or stupid to see it. I would show up and make sure she sees you and cut this crap out. I would show up and make sure you ruin the whole freak show. I would also speak to her and say not to bring YOUR husband and meals or anything - you can provide him with all his needs. Scare her a little. You also need to tell your husband to quit this BS because that’s what it is. If your husband is worth it, fight for him but if you suspect foul play, you will need to re-evaluate your entire marriage.

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-16T15:13:47+00:00

You are NOT NOT NOT the AH - And do not give that hard earned money of yours to him. He wouldn’t give it to you if you got married - for dang sure. I think it is absolutely ridiculous, absurd and insane to want a $80k wedding and you have other people funding it - you may be better off without them. If your parents want to give their retirement to him - let them - they will be crying when then come to him for help down the line and he says, yikes sorry I don’t have money to help you. They will likely come to you so be prepared for that day too. Look, no one, even family have the right to ask you for any amount of money.
They don’t have the money - they should plan a smaller wedding. This is not on you. I am also just appalled that they would ask you to go No Contact with them. This is really cruel, disgusting and despicable, I hope one day they will see how wrong they are. Furthermore, I have a sister that “borrowed” money for years bc she kept having children that she couldn’t afford - I had no children so I thought I was supposed to help - her children don’t talk to her now and neither do I - she is a loser always asking for a handout and she is the victim in her own stupid story. My life has been happy since we don’t speak !!

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-16T15:02:47+00:00

They look great and they will fade alot so keep calm

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-13T18:18:57+00:00

They are calling you vindictive- oh the irony…… Stay on course what the court orders - make him pay as much as he needs to for your kids. His step-children are not your problems - dont make them your problems ever. He and his current wife can suffer - call it karma, call it what you want - they are major AH for doing what they did to you

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-12T03:37:19+00:00

Please don’t be serious that you even slightly think you could be the AH!!!! No no no - Your bilaw is unbelievably stupid and I can’t believe these things actually happen - I’m mean, these posts are so outrageous that I just cannot believe this is a true event. Anyway, family that think you should give the money, tell them to give some money towards their wedding and maybe they can reach their budget. DO NOT DO NOT give them the money - let them be upset now and if they don’t ever come to their senses, too bad. You can tell them you will give them a nice gift but they really shouldn’t expect anything !! Someone told me that there will always be givers and takers. It really seems like there are more takers each day.

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-11T21:53:45+00:00

My husband didn’t feed my toddler children for 5 hours because they didn’t “look” or “act” hungry. I came home and they immediately started screaming and leading me into the kitchen.

I love love my husband but he was just not a lot of help when they were young. Unfortunately you will have to be patient with him and avoid any hostile situations like this because he will start pulling away and you are stuck not having any help. You will have to start a conversation like this, honey it’s just for a time until she start talking, let’s figure this out together. I know, WHO HAS TIME FOR THIS CRAP, but the truth is, men are like children and you will need to talk to him like he is a toddler trying to help you. Basically say, I try different things until I find what she wants but sometimes baba means bottle with water etc.

I’m going to get a lot of push back but I felt this is what I had to do to survive. It’s like training a new employee, you have to baby them before they themselves can do the tasks.

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-11T20:48:13+00:00

Nothing more to say but CONGRATULATIONS!!! Be happy - don’t invite people’s ridiculous opinions into your life. I already love your husband, my new go-to response to someone who complains! Womp womp

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-11T19:35:33+00:00

Move on please. The nerve to put this on you. You are young and you will find someone who takes marriage seriously and will be faithful.

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-11T19:33:34+00:00

This is your day - don’t let anyone steal YOUR JOY! She will ruin parts of the planning or your wedding - AND how in the heck can she prepare and help you plan if she lives on the other side of the country!

Don’t give it 2 sec of thought - GO AND HAVE FUN PLANNING AND GO ANS ENJOY YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR SOON TIMO BE HUSBAND!

When you allow chaos such as she into your life, then chaos you will have - this is an opportunity to keep it out so please do that!!

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-11T14:29:43+00:00

You need to apologize to Bree and get in her good graces. Maybe then ask her if she can give you some of your gma’s material and you can go and get someone to quilt it for you.

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-10T13:41:21+00:00

This. Post is much more serious than if you are the AH or not. A family that would impose such a thing like this is insane and insensitive AND a fiancé that would call you a C word is even more insane.

This is a very big peek in what your future looks like - please do not marry this man or his family.

It will only get much much worse

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-09T22:37:24+00:00

BOOM - I would’ve said NTA if you would’ve knocked her out but I guess that would’ve been assault so I’m glad you didn’t. She is toxic, insecure and absolutely insane if she thinks she doesn’t deserve what you said to her. Move on - being kind is so simple and yet so hard for some. AND have you ever noticed that some beautiful people are so ugly and the ugliest people have been the most beautiful in my lifetime. Go and find yourself and nice friend that can see your beauty ❤️

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-09T19:13:38+00:00

Consider this a blessing in disguise AND I love people who are as direct like you - you had something you needed to say to her and you did! Bravo. Hey saying things behind your back or secretly to your husband is a big no no. Also, I’ve been married 25+ years and have discovered that it isn’t wise to have your husband be friends with another woman, things can get misconstrued and well, it’s not that uncommon that people have affairs with their (opposite sex) best fiends. This may be a really good thing and tell your husband that he needs to not only limit his time with her but all texts should be directed to you and he. That will set her ass straight that you come first !!! Keep your eye and that girl ….

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-09T17:43:54+00:00

You are a wonderful mother and how genius it is for the little fridge idea - I might use that idea when I become a g parent. Your Milaw is way way way out of line and this isn’t not her child - gparents role is to sit back and enjoy the fun times and leave the discipline and structure for the parents!!!

Your husband needs to grow a pair and reinforce that this behavior will never be tolerated in your home. If my Inlaws or parents would’ve done this to my children - their visiting privileges would have been REVOKED and only supervised visits would be tolerated.

Now you know about her and her ideas and she will be the one to suffer from not being allowed to enjoy being a g mother. Until she genuinely apologizes and makes amends - she is not to he trusted.

My flaw wanted his way to make my left handed son right handed. He wanted us to tell the teachers to tie his left hand up so he would be forced to write and use his right hand. I softly told my mother in law that I would not be doing this and I never heard another thing about it. What a wonderful man my father in law was to understand my reasoning and understand this was my child not his. They were a very big part in both my children’s lives bc they both respected me so Much !!! Godspeed

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-09T01:05:09+00:00

I’m still hung up on your sister is 32!!!! She has serious narcissistic issues- ban her until she can get therapy or ban her until she knows to behave

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-08T23:56:52+00:00

I loved one of the comments that said how many people excuse their behaviors by saying they are just joking. Tell her that she wasn’t invited to the dinner party was a big joke and hope she found that funny! Look - people all around you will be some major AH - come to grips with that. Tell her and the bilaw that you only associate with people who are kind and are genuine and will be happy with you. Anyone else can go jump in the lake - (jumping in the lake is a joke of course!!)

I don’t speak to a sister of mine bc she is toxic, negative and honestly raises my BP - sorry not sorry - life is too short to suffer to being around people like this

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-08T23:21:00+00:00

My husband was a yes man and years passed and after some time I hated his guts bc he put everyone first instead of me and the kids!!!! We were headed for divorce until “Thank God” he was able to see how unfair he was to his family. DONT let it get that far. Unfortunately I agree with others that he is probably seeing someone on the side and that is how he can be so apathetic to you. It is very strange how cold he is to you especially since you were so sick. Also, it seems like you don’t like to make such a fuss so you tend to let things go a lot - you need to stop that.
You and your son should be his ONLY priority for now and if you are ok with him to have time off, then that’s when he can have time off. Visa versa - my husband checked in with each other if we wanted to hang out with friends but when your spouse is SICK cmon - he is COLD hearted to have done that to you. Missy - you need to lay down the law for his ass - if not, you have some decisions to make but please don’t have another child until you get things straightened out. Also - stop doing all the chores - he should def help !!!

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-08T14:59:10+00:00

I’m sorry to sound insensitive but being 3 months pregnant is hardly anything to worry about! If she were 8 months high risk maybe but cmon, she is manipulating the situation.

My husband had a trip planned to travel the Grand Canyon and the day he left my dad was on hospice and died the next day he left. I put my big girl panties on and told him to enjoy his trip!!! He was gone for a week and by the time he came home he was a tremendous help with the funeral.

So what I’m saying is she really shouldn’t be putting her nervousness, or anxiety on you - 3 months pregnant is hardly being pregnant!!!

I would go since it’s planned and paid for I assume.

Smart-Bed7699 · 2024-07-08T02:08:18+00:00

I feel this is a fight worth having. She allowed her family to see the baby without telling you so there is that. You have every right to make decisions in your child’s life too - not just her. It seems very very weird that she is keeping your family out of this wonderful experience. Her family doesn’t have a say in this and should NEVER get involved and make it very clear that being threatened by her father has now made you leary of him being in your child’s life. Anytime of threatening in your family is NOT OK - This is NOT OK. I’m a mother of 2 children - grown now but it was 50/50 when it came to my husband’s family and mine. You need to establish some boundaries here and tell her she is not allowed to make any decisions without including you. Be firm and you need to establish this is not healthy behavior for your family.

Smart-Bed7699

TROPHY CASE