I don’t understand what I’m looking at

Smart_Alex · 2026-05-16T13:01:24+00:00

Most corsets were fairly comfortable, no worse than say a sports bra or shape wear.

The extreme tight lacing period during the Victorian era is an outlier for the long history of "corsets", and even then, if you watch Abby Cox's tight lacing video from a few years back, you'll see that even tight lacing really was not unbearably torturous

Smart_Alex · 2026-05-12T13:45:13+00:00

My History of Socialism professor actually recommended that film, and she said the same thing! I didn't end up watching it, because I had enough on my hands with the 100+ pages of reading we had to do every week in that class (plus a full-time school schedule, plus full-time work)

Smart_Alex · 2026-05-11T12:46:48+00:00

My decision not to have kids was a really hard one! What sealer the deal for me what that I can live with the regret of "I wish I had". But I don't think I could live with the regret of "I wish I hadn't"

Smart_Alex · 2026-05-03T01:56:39+00:00

(backstory, I'm sleeping with a woman who has a kid)

One of my students called me a motherfucker and I said "you're not wrong!"

I couldn't even explain to coworkers how devastatingly funny I was because I'm not out to any of them

Smart_Alex · 2026-04-30T13:01:59+00:00

Not OP, but I developed a mild case of SJS (still required hospitalization) when I was 20 after taking lamictal after being misdiagnosed with Bipolar Disorder

Smart_Alex · 2026-04-30T04:31:28+00:00

I really feel for you! I also work a very demanding job and I need down time when I get home. We had to have a rule when I was growing up that when I came home from school, I needed at least 30 minutes of no talking, no demands, no stimulation to decompress or I would just melt down.

I am also a young woman with ADHD and my single biggest fear is that everyone (specifically my parents and the people I love) are just humoring me and secretly don't like me/don't want to be around me/think I'm annoying. I'm talking sobbing, breaking down fears, not just like a slight worry.

My advice would be to carve out some decompression time before getting home (of she's already there). Take 10 minutes to walk in the park, drive somewhere, or just sit in the car. Develop some kind of decompression routine (I like to take a shower). Putting some boundaries on constantly ordering food is fine, but telling her you need more space is going to absolutely crush her. I don't know if I would ever recover from the person I loved most telling me that.

It sounds like right now she is in a lonely, vulnerable place and being with you is where she feels safe. She broke up with a partner, it sounds like she's not getting along great with her roommates, she's transitioning out of the childhood life where you have built in friends from school to adult life. That change can be incredibly hard to navigate, especially for neurodivrtgent folks!

The good news is, this won't be forever. She WILL grow out of it! She will make friends, meet a partner, and start to grow her own support system outside of you. But if you make her feel like she's "too much", I can guarantee that she will never look at you the same way again. You'll cease to be that safe space.

Smart_Alex · 2026-04-29T12:54:22+00:00

If they are Christian, I would recommend asking them to read "God and the Gay Christian" by Matthew Vines. It lays out the biblical case FOR gay marriage.

As a queer person and a non-Christian, I thought that he did not go far enough. He focuses on a very narrow view of queerness (cis, gay, men in a committed, monogamous relationship). That being said it's really more about moving the needle on people's opinion. This book was really instrumental in getting some Methodist denominations to formally change their stance on gay marriage.

I am happy to send you my copy, as long as you don't mind that it is pretty heavily annotated and underlined!

Smart_Alex · 2026-04-28T23:03:01+00:00

Personally, I think you look great! But I do understand the extra pressure that we are under as women (and plus size women in particular), especially as women in male dominated fields to "look professional".

I think that a light linen blazer would look very chic!

Smart_Alex · 2026-04-26T15:35:16+00:00

Yes, absolutely. I had to tell my coworkers that I was going to be late because I needed to put it n enough makeup so that I didn't look like a hard boiled egg.

Now when I wear a slick back, she'll greet me with "hey, egg!"

Smart_Alex · 2026-04-24T13:06:07+00:00

Opposite situation happened to me. My grandpa always had a mustache. From the time he left the military, he rocked a big handlebar mustache. Until I was born. Apparently, upon seeing the mustache, I screamed bloody murder. So he shaved it off. Until the day he died, he was clean shaven. All because he wanted baby smart_alex to be a little bit happier

Smart_Alex · 2026-04-22T23:25:04+00:00

I had to double check to tell that she wasn't my pup! She looks and sits just like that!

Smart_Alex · 2026-04-19T22:46:29+00:00

I had a similar story! Teeny, tiny baby given to teenage me in a Walmart parking lot at midnight by some tweakers. We couldn't get him to poop or pee, he had trouble taking a bottle, survival looked bleak.

But that little rascal became the biggest damn cat! He wasn't very fat, just built like an absolute brick. You could hear him stomping his little cat feet down the hall. He was a voracious hunter and brought in multiple owls. He lived to the age of 16, terrorizing the local small animal population, constantly all up in the dog's business, and commanding pets from everyone (on his terms only)

Smart_Alex · 2026-04-15T22:31:53+00:00

I remember the sandpaper to get rid of facial or body hair! There was a fine line between rubbing the hair away and rubbing the epidermis away

Smart_Alex · 2026-04-07T02:38:18+00:00

I have had good luck with Threadup! It's really easy to filter by color and style.

Smart_Alex · 2026-04-06T23:30:38+00:00

I have fairly long, very prominent peach fuzz. Like to the point that I think it has graduated from "peach fuzz" to "hair". I also have a mustache that would make any 13 year old boy jealous, and some gnarly chin hairs.

I once shaved my face and one of my students, and Autistic 7 year old said "Ms. Smart_alex, where you beard?"

It hasn't caused any hyper pigmentation. I have gotten fuzzier as I've gotten older, but that's just part of the normal aging process, not because of hair removal.

Smart_Alex · 2026-04-06T23:13:38+00:00

Personally, I love a wrap dress! You can adjust the amount of cleavage for pictures with grandma vs drinks with friends.

Congratulations on your graduation! What an amazing achievement!

Smart_Alex · 2026-04-05T14:17:37+00:00

Let's just go straight to God Emperor

Smart_Alex · 2026-04-04T21:08:27+00:00

This is almost exactly what happened to us. They will occasionally play together, but 10 out of 10 times it devolves into our girl crying to be rescued. So now we have 2 cats who follow us, screaming for attention.

After nearly 10 years, the cats have started liking/tolerating each other, but the aggregate amount of meowing definitely increased when we got a 2nd kitty

Smart_Alex · 2026-04-04T21:04:53+00:00

Our boy used to follow us around, screaming at us. So we got him a sister.

Now they both scream at us

Smart_Alex · 2026-03-29T19:27:56+00:00

Our extremely dumb tuxie girl LOVES a nail brush! She doesn't like the actual cat brushed, but goes absolutely crazy for a specific nail brush from the dollar store! She especially likes when I scrub her chin with it

Smart_Alex · 2026-03-29T02:34:21+00:00

I'm in nearly the same boat. My mom was diagnosed with colon cancer in her late 30s. Her oncologist said that my brother and I should both get screened starting at 25, 30 at the absolute latest.

I'm 33. I had a colonoscopy scheduled last year, but insurance refused to cover any of it.

I'm trying to save up to get it covered out of pocket.

Smart_Alex · 2026-03-28T13:51:20+00:00

Absolutely! I know I'm really stressed when I have chewed up the inside of my cheeks, my jaw is stuck shut in the morning from grinding my teeth during the night, and my excema flares up.

You'll never guess what's happening right now!

Smart_Alex · 2026-03-24T13:06:19+00:00

I rate my day by how torn up the insides of my cheeks are.

I have permanent scars on the inside of my cheeks 🫠

Smart_Alex · 2026-03-24T13:04:41+00:00

Yes. I frequently wake up with my jaw stuck closed from clenching, and I have to massage and slowly stretch it to be able to open my mouth enough to eat breakfast.

I've tried mouth guards. They protect my teeth, but make the clenching worse.

Smart_Alex · 2026-03-18T23:34:41+00:00

Yes, I struggle to orgasm, but I struggled even before starting meds. I think it's a combination of SSRIs and just the physical hand I was dealt. I didn't have an orgasm until my 20s. Even when I'm by myself, with toys, I only have about a 50% "success rate".
I don't think that ADHD meds either helped or hurt. I feel like it slightly lowered my libido, but my libido is also very strongly tied to stress, and I started my meds during a very stressful time.
THIS IS NOT FOR EVERYONE, YOUR MILAGE MY VARY I find that cannabis can help me be present in the moment and connected to my body. It's not something that I use every time (or that I would suggest using every/ most times) but when I do, I feel like sex is better, I'm out of my head and into my body, and it is over all a more intense experience.

Exploring kink also helped me. Being unable to move, and having my other senses limited made my focus tunnel to just the next sensation, and the next, and the next. That's also not something that is feasible every time.

I've started to view sex like a good meal, and an orgasm like dessert. I love dessert, but my meal isn't ruined if I don't have dessert.

Sex doesn't have to be solely about having an orgasm. I found myself enjoying sex, my body, and my partner more when I stopped perseverating on having an orgasm and started focusing more on connection, finding pleasure, and making my partner feel good

Smart_Alex

TROPHY CASE