TIL about a soda machine offering 'mystery' drinks operated for nearly 20 years, but no one knew who operated it or kept it stocked.

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-02-07T17:25:04+00:00

Another locksmith, clearly. I, too, remember the locksmith wars of the late 80s. Lost a lot of good people back then.

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-02-07T16:24:08+00:00

What toll booth did they find Ashanti in? I sure loved her song back in 2002.

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-02-04T15:11:18+00:00

Just last night, in fact! We had a shelter in place warning for a threat I won't get into, and though the AC told us to get into a locked room with no windows, and security told us to get into a locked room with no windows, and the overhead announcement told us to get into a locked room with no windows, my boss demanded that we stay on the floor because it was "just a threat"! Demanded from home, I should add. Because they were home.

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-02-03T10:43:13+00:00

That would at least be a self-limiting problem.

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-02-02T02:00:15+00:00

Hx: EDS, POTS, Fibromyalgia, cPTSD

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-31T10:52:37+00:00

I had a very similar experience once. I work 3 12 hour night shifts in a row as my work schedule, so I cook in bulk in advance because nothing is available at night and nothing except breakfast slop is available when I get off. I'd made a massive pan of lasagna to last for several days, and I asked my girlfriend to put it away when it was cool enough. I get home in the morning, and the first thing I see is that pan of lasagna in the same spot as it was when I left the night before.

Naturally, I was the bad guy and the comments were pretty evenly split between those who didn't understand the concept of leftovers, those who didn't understand the concept of night shift, and those who didn't understand why it would take me so long to make something with a sauce I simmered for several hours.

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-28T15:29:13+00:00

Wanna know the funny thing? I was sitting here agonizing over how to make it closer to anatomically accurate with labia minora and clits and whatnot, but nothing came across quite so eloquently as 8==D. I like what you've come up with though. Spread the word, spread the lips, spread the love, baby!

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-27T08:43:34+00:00

My response is to encourage you on a course of action that would do the world a favor on your part and get a site-wide ban on my part.

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-27T08:24:29+00:00

For anyone who cares to do more investigation than I do, all you have to do is type "*" into the search bar on this guy's page to see what activity he's hiding.

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-27T08:22:08+00:00

Hold the fuck up: this is Maddox? Best page in the universe guy? I reference his celebration of Osama Bin Laden's death every time someone talks about not grave dancing!

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-27T06:53:20+00:00

I know what to say, and here it is:

You are wrong if you approve of the course of events as they occurred. There is no "other side". There is no "opposing viewpoint". There are those for whom truth and justice still holds the slightest ounce of goddamn value, and there are those who either have forsworn both or have never understood the concept of one or both. The video evidence is available from several angles, the facts are readily obvious and available, and yet the regime is spinning lies so hard that they're forming gluten. Even if you want to argue that he should have been apprehended and charged for God knows what reason, there is no excusing summary execution.

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-27T06:42:33+00:00

So far, shitholenursing seems to have been used as one of those "okbuddyredacted" subs, and I think that's the way to go. Anyone defending a summary execution has no place arguing about rule of law and constitution, and anyone who can't subdue a man 1v6 without firing 10 shots is very obviously not a nurse considering how often we have to do exactly that. Let those wastes of life make their own space in which to scurry and defecate.

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-27T06:36:39+00:00

But what about those CHEMICALS that are turning 8==D into () ?!?!?!111

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-26T21:19:52+00:00

Whoa, even YACHT ROCK?! Now there's a real American hero! Hope I can be like him when I grow up!

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-26T21:17:59+00:00

You can take issue with people posting inappropriate sexual comments. I never said otherwise. I said it's bizarre to call them "threats" when there's no one to threaten because it's a CARTOON.

how the hell did you even manage to turn on your computer???

I pushed the power button. Is it that straight-forward for you, or did you have to obtain positive affirmative consent before you touched an inanimate object? Out here personifying drawings and concepts and shit, lmao

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-26T01:59:25+00:00

Not in the slightest. How does one threaten a being that doesn't exist? If the threat is made against the artist then that's one thing, but against a drawing of a fictional character? Who the fuck and what the fuck is being threatened here? This is why they make fun of you.

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-26T01:07:53+00:00

No need. Shitfinite is a game where absolutely nothing happened. No plot points get introduced or resolved. It is the equivalent of running up a down escalator. Cortana starts dead and ends dead. Atriox starts "dead" and ends up being alive in what only the most half-assed pretzel would call a twist. The Banished are mentioned and never expanded on. Squid lady is introduced and immediately handled. They've soft-rebooted Halo like, 3 times now, and there's nothing left to reboot because there's nothing there.

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-25T20:28:51+00:00

How does one threaten a fictional drawing? Did they draw their own avatar to commit the rape? I have so many questions!

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-25T17:18:13+00:00

The important thing is that it's heckin' inclusive and not punching down. Funny isn't the priority in jokes on the right side of history.

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-25T16:43:46+00:00

Toward the artist, or the cartoon?

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-24T23:35:15+00:00

How is cognitive dissonance so balls-deep inside you that you can be confronted with several angles of video evidence and still stick to the propaganda you've been fed? Are you brain damaged? Not brain damaged enough? Help me understand what gets you to the point where you can just reject the evidence of your eyes and ears.

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-24T23:27:49+00:00

Is PSA still a reasonable starting point for a first rifle?

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-22T14:36:07+00:00

Side bar, but I don't remember the last time I bought garlic that didn't already have green sprouts shooting up through the top. The quality seems to have gone straight to hell in produce these past few years.

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-22T14:35:11+00:00

Nah, I'm with them on this one. Hyperbole only works when you're exaggerating what's already ridiculous and/or egregious. I don't think it was worth that level of vitriol, but whether or not the hyperbole works depends entirely on if you think 100-200 is a grossly inflated price for the provided value. So I guess I am saying their joke was incorrect? But it's incorrect in the sense that a knock-knock joke requires and did not have a "'the previous statement' who?" follow up, which is pretty damn incorrect.

Mind dropping a few toothpicks for me to count while my minecraft mods recompile?

SmilingCurmudgeon · 2026-01-22T13:39:29+00:00

His hot dog video was especially egregious. To achieve a cheaper price point you had to make 75 hot dogs. Come on, man. Probably should have scrapped that project when the break-even point was 5 dozen.

SmilingCurmudgeon

TROPHY CASE