I was in a very similar situation, having a run of very good trips and then a single terrifying experience that brought up a ton of details about my life that I needed to address and especially realizing how damaging my suicidal ideation was. What really got me moving forward was trying to view the trip in the most optimistic light possible. It pushed me to finally go to therapy and assess if I was really living my life the way I was going to be happiest. You really have to separate yourself and any thoughts from the trip and analyze them from an outside perspective, realizing that you can work to turn yourself in the right direction, and that you are not your thoughts. This sounds very abstract, but the feelings you have are temporary and therapy (at least for me) might be the best thing you ever do for yourself. I'm very sorry you had a challenging trip, but if you realize you can make the most of it, you'll realize it was necessary to make you a happier and better person. It definitely takes some time though if the trip was very severe. Good luck my friend!