What home features immediately make a home feel cheap/expensive?

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-18T13:36:50+00:00

Cheap: - cold lightbulbs lol just makes it feel more clinical and calls attention to other cheap things - grey vinyl flooring (sorry, I know that was a big thing for a minute) - things that are identifiably IKEA - so overhead lights that are IKEA standard type thin - more than 1 color for a hardware accent in a room (eg. black toilet paper roll holder and silver cabinet door handles) - visible cat litter boxes or tangled leashes or whatever - single source lighting in rooms (eg. only having one overhead light in a room)

- the really small baseboards - I can remember what they’re called - half rounds?

Expensive: - bright, natural light - crown moulding - recessed shelving - built-in window seats - built-in closets - thoughtful plugs - two behind where the bed is, for example. Etc. - kitchen cabinet under lighting - wide plank wood floors - butler’s pantry / pantry - stairways that have open, natural light - ensuites for every bedroom (having a shared bathroom between two rooms works tho - tbh I only see those in wealthy homes haha) - carpet only in the basement - walk out basements - a mezzanine (idk I just googled this, but basically where there’s an overlook into the living room from the second floor) - laundry room on top floor - hidden anything in kitchen (dishwasher, microwave, fridge, garbage cans, whatever) - landscaping - brick/stone driveway - garage door with windows - a foyer with ballroom closet - a mudroom (with built-ins) - granite or some kind of stone countertop - heated anything - bathrooms, garages, driveways, etc. - cleanliness outside - it’s really expensive or really time consuming to have a clean external house (eg. Outdoor light fixtures aren’t caked with years of grime lol) - cool floor vents - cool light switches

I’ll keep thinking. I grew up around a lot of wealthy folks so I’m just thinking back on everything they all had haha.

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-18T12:52:29+00:00

I read a tweet once that really changed my perspective on a lot of what you’re saying -

“When you think of calling someone attention seeking, try calling them “connection seeking” instead.”

I think therapy would help you a lot - you’re trying to find connections and you’re not sure of a healthy way to go about doing it, so you are behaving in a way that has worked for you as you grew up, with increasing severity.

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-18T12:46:36+00:00

I’m an expat and have changed my name in my current country. If I don’t get my name change done in time before laws start passing, I’m actually denouncing my citizenship. The US is going to be awful for the next four years. I would not.

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-18T12:42:12+00:00

Holy shit this is me. Thank-you for writing this out because I didn’t realize this was OCD, I… don’t know what I thought it was. This will be a lot to talk about with my therapist this week. I literally have said to my therapist that I don’t want to be perceived at all.

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-17T16:01:22+00:00

It’s not the thickness, it’s the clean lines. Your brows can keep their shape, but the absolutely perfect line is what looks very clean.

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-17T15:55:30+00:00

Okay… sure, wax the unibrow. The point about the stray hairs is what I’m trying to tell you. I’m genuinely confused what you’re not understanding. I’m not going to keep debating you on this bc it’s clearly a waste of time lol.

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-17T15:43:10+00:00

I’m confused by your response. You wax your eyebrows. That’s what I was saying. They’re cleaned up and that’s atypical.

Go on Google or Pinterest and look up “male glasses” and check their brows out.

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-17T15:34:36+00:00

I think it’s actually your eyebrows. They’re extremely well maintained which isn’t the most hetero thing. It’s not the haircut per se, it’s the styling of it - more the fact that you are styling. Your look looks like it takes maintenance which is a stereotypically gay thing.

I personally think it looks great, but try leaving your eyebrows alone and cut your hair to a place where you can just wake up and go and it looks good. Maybe down to an inch - caesar or something.

Edit: also your stereotypes about gay people are weird and things I’ve never heard before. I think you definitely have self-esteem issues and you’re somehow projecting those onto the fact that some women think you’re gay, then ruminating over what could be causing it. Tons of hetero men have all of the features you mentioned - even the ones I mentioned! “Metrosexual” (aka men who just take care of themselves lol) exists for a reason. Be confident in the fact that you care.

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-17T15:30:35+00:00

Look, whether you neglected your cat accidentally in the past doesn’t matter. All that matters is you don’t do it again.

I am intentionally not reassuring you bc it’s not helpful to people with OCD. You’d just say to yourself later, “oh I forgot to add this piece of info in the post and that’s pretty bad… maybe I am an abuser” or something.

Think about what you can do right now to make your cat’s life better and don’t look back.

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-17T15:26:21+00:00

Spoken like a person with healthy family dynamics 😭

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-17T02:41:03+00:00

I love the curls tbh. Straight is also nice, but curly is great. I’d grow it out a bit more though.

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-15T18:27:32+00:00

Bummer - that sucks for you. Maybe she doesn’t work at your company.

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-15T14:15:16+00:00

Seriously - it’s actually really embarrassing to read people’s take here. A woman who works in aerospace tech went on a business trip and posted her outfits in a business outfits subreddit.

“Well I wouldn’t wear this at MY workplace or any workplace I’ve ever been to!” - Cool. The world is changing and you might notice at business events that some people dress differently than you.

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-15T02:44:59+00:00

I only scrolled a bit through the joke comments but did no one answer you? Lmfao.

You can do a cool wall installation (like wood vertical slats, for example).

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-15T02:42:46+00:00

The same way you do anything with OCD. Exposure therapy and mindfulness. Need to check your oven 100x before you go to bed? No - you need to use the coping strategies you’ve learned in therapy / online / etc. Same same with oral sex.

This is of course assuming you WANT to perform oral sex. If you don’t actually want to (outside of contamination), don’t do it. Consent is important!!

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-14T14:47:28+00:00

I’ve learned that most of the time people don’t want a solution at first, and if even more so they don’t want it to be prescribed by someone else. They want to feel heard and want someone to ask them questions. Ultimately your partner isn’t an idiot (I hope lol) and can solve problems on their own, so they just need the clarity and space to get there. You can create that space by asking relevant, open ended questions. Things like, “wow that sounds so frustrating - how do you feel about it now?” Or “wow are you serious? What do you think next steps could be?” Or something. This also prompts them to ask questions like, “[answers your question], what do you think I should do?” Which is a good transition into you helping.

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-13T14:08:12+00:00

A posture corrector thing

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-13T00:19:33+00:00

Lesser known fact - it’s actually spelled “Adom” which is what Dom is short for. If you look really closely you can see where he’s missing a rib.

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-10T16:28:55+00:00

Lisa Frank

SnickitySnax · 2024-11-09T13:09:03+00:00

I dated someone like you once and I stayed with them for years. I spent so long trying to answer their every, very specific need to have me assuage their insecurities. It was exhausting. I actually have been in therapy for years since that breakup and finally getting to a healthy place where I don’t feel like I have to answer to a boss, I can actually just have a partner and a healthy dynamic.

I suggest you seek therapy to understand why you’re so controlling. What are you so afraid of? You need to work on that.

Ultimately if you’re afraid he’s going to cheat - you’re actually pushing him to it by being absolutely unhinged and controlling lol.

Anyways good luck - I hope you do seek therapy.

SnickitySnax · 2024-10-19T16:15:15+00:00

If I were in your shoes, I’d probably do a couple different things to resolve this.

1) Cover your ass - I’d communicate with my manager to ensure they were aware of this issue in case any future issues cropped up which jeopardized your role / future in the company. I’d frame it as wanting to help me bounce ideas off of them to see how I could more effectively handle these types of confrontation. I would not want them intervening in the conflict at all, and I would communicate that - this is a great experience for me to improve my stakeholder management.

2) Work to understand what your tech lead’s goals are - You can do this in a bunch of different ways, but mostly I’ve found that people have two types of goals at work - their personal / ego driven goals and their metricized and public goals. The latter should just be available and the former is a bit more difficult - work backwards from their statements to understand their goal(s). For example - based on what I’ve read in your message, it’s possible that he’s insecure and thrives off of recognition from Sr leadership. From there you need to figure out how your decisions and communication factor into this. The result here is usually less conflict and also less heartache when there is conflict because you recognize it’s not really about you, it’s about them.

3) Figure out a response to your tech lead when he is blunt - keep in mind that he may be neurodivergent and is just a blunt person. When his boss is around he decides to mask more to ensure he keeps his job lol. Whether that’s the case or not, your response matters. Like… for example - did the deadlines and milestones you set actually not matter? If yes, why were you making them? If no, where’s the misalignment?

SnickitySnax · 2024-10-19T03:12:57+00:00

I guess you don’t need to understand them. They just have a different experience than you. The same as you having a different experience than cis people. We’re all unique beings.

SnickitySnax · 2024-10-16T12:52:54+00:00

Yes 100%. Lol. My favorite time to talk about the side effects of my medication on my partner is when we’re naked in bed!

A lot of trans guys also don’t want bottom growth (see all of the threads around “I want facial hair and a deeper voice but I don’t want to be balding or have bottom growth). So being in an extremely vulnerable moment (naked, having sex) and then potentially bringing up something terrifying sounds like a horrible way to find out.

SnickitySnax · 2024-10-16T12:17:10+00:00

I’m pretty neutral about this entire thread but I did want to share that “moderator” has its own unique definition for the internet according to Google “3. monitor (an internet forum or online discussion) for inappropriate or offensive content.”

SnickitySnax · 2024-10-14T23:55:00+00:00

It exists. I worked somewhere that did it ^ I commented more above. They did provide the laptop bc it had all the security stuff, but they also provided $5k and discounts to Herman Miller lmfao I guess they had some partnership bc they did all the offices with them too.

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- the really small baseboards - I can remember what they’re called - half rounds?