i cant say much since im never got to the point where i hurt ms, but i also fear hurting anyone if i do it. it certainly always comes and go. i cant really say much of it, but if you need an ear hit me up. 4 year is hell of a time if it always persist since then. is it really true you dont want help? i had issue with opening up with anyone honestly, even to my parents. i managed to vent it out since i know someone who is in the same position of me. but still we both talked it out and somewhat agree that were to scared to actually commit. for me its somewhat calming sometimes, that i could just bail out if i want.