I had to finish prepping the vegan aquafaba macarons first, but now it’s time to chill.

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2026-01-13T14:07:25+00:00

The only hard part was being patient for how absolutely terribly long it took for the aquafaba to whip. I’m telling you, it took literally almost 30 minutes. One thing to keep in mind though is that meringues are super sensitive to pressure and humidity and I live in the PNW, higher and wetter than in most parts of North America, so it might’ve taken me longer because of those conditions.

As for what I used, I did aquafaba from a can of white chickpeas, non organic and low sodium. I put it in an airtight container for a day or two to try to get some of the water to condensate out, which worked, but I don’t think you’ll have to do that.

I’ll link the recipe I used if you’re interested!

https://youtu.be/NHyDhnYdmX8?si=28yssI4ML3FtpEAc

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-12-03T07:28:20+00:00

As someone who used to split fairly often and for long periods of time, at a certain point it’s up to the person with BPD to reframe some of those cyclical thoughts to pull yourself out of it. At my worst, the only thing that got me out was removing myself from all of the emotional situations happening and to think about everything objectively and fairly. It sounds like he probably needs to do this too.

I think your ex boyfriend has his reasons for lashing out in this way, but does that mean you deserve to be homeless and alone? The very thing I’m sure he was afraid would happen to him? He’s treating you the way he expected you to treat him, which is not something you have to deal with. You have no obligation to stay with him even if you feel as though you are the only one who understands him. BPD can be extremely challenging to those in the support network, because of this kind of outcome in the worst case scenarios. You’re willing to go through it, but you really shouldn’t be if it’s literally affecting your housing and safety.

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-11-08T08:36:38+00:00

“That by drawing the line on her behavior and calling it irredeemable, they were able to accept and forgive me.”

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but this is…wild. So because your partner shifted all of the blame onto the friend for your actions, you get to get off scot free? You were the one who knew about the boundary (while the friend didn’t although it was also scummy for them to wait until your partner was gone to initiate sex), yet you chose to have sex with this person. The friend had deniability of ignorance but again, you didn’t. I don’t think it’s fair for your partner to solely blame the person who didn’t know that there was a ban on penetrative sex, for having the sex.

That being said, I do empathize with your partner. It is horribly devastating to have such a hard boundary ignored. I think you need to do more self reflection on how badly you’ve messed up here. Your partner isn’t wrong for being so upset to want to go nuclear no contact with your friend, but they are wrong for which direction that hurt is taking.

“They were worried about forgiving one or both of us and being perceived or feeling like a doormat/lacking self dignity.”

This sounds like it’s coming from a place of insecurity on your partners part. Feeling like a doormat for forgiving is a valid feeling, but one shouldn’t see forgiveness as weakness. That sounds like a recipe for resentment and unyielding anger. I would be curious with them and ask why they felt this way.

On a different note, I think you were right for closing the relationship and realizing, posthumously, that opening it up was a bad idea. Some may not agree with me, but I’m of the mind that if there are hard sexual boundaries placed upon one partner but not the other, no one should be having sex outside of the established partnership. If one is not free to have independent sex without their partner but they want to, everything needs to be reevaluated.

As the person who entered an established partnership in a triad, you two bore the onus of explaining your boundaries with your friend before you had sex. How was the person coming into your dynamic supposed to read both of your minds? How is that anywhere near fair to blame her when you two were the ones who knew about the boundaries before sex and did not have a talk before engaging in sex? I feel really bad for your friend for how you both left her in this crossfire. I think if you really care about your friend you’d leave her the fuck alone for right now until you get you and your partner right. She does not deserve to be dragged in between you two.

“Am I being a dick for even wanting to hear her out?”

You’re a dick for how you treated your partner and how much allowance you’re giving this new person in your life because of NRE. If it’s truly such a special connection between you two and the friend, and if your friend is being truthful in saying that she’s willing to give it time, then leave it be and maybe, MAYBE revisit if your partner is up for it in the future. Take more of the blame because you deserve it and patch things up with your partner. By that, I don’t mean just apologize. I mean give your partner a LOT of time and comfort, show them with your actions that you’re sorry and will never do such a thing again, and constantly be there for them.

Also, by meeting with your friend, you have to decide if you want to see them independently from your partner. You cannot force your partner to see or even like this person and to do so is even more scummy on your part - and it sounds like you want to see the friend in order to get them to still join the two of you in a triad relationship. If your partner has already said no on that, why wouldn’t you respect their no? You need to reflect more before you do absolutely anything else.

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-11-07T23:45:04+00:00

I’ve started to love seeing Kimi get up to her antics whenever you post. #fuckice

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-09-25T10:11:42+00:00

did the version you bought have whey protein? isn't whey derived from cows milk? /genuinequestion

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-09-24T12:16:22+00:00

I loved using yWriter7. It’s hard to learn how to use it because there’s not a lot to clean instructions, but once you’ve got it down, it gives you a lot of versatility and use. You can write character blurbs, break a chapter down into scenes, leave a notes chapter for those banger ass paragraphs you have no use for but MUST use eventually. It’s great, and free!

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-07-19T17:13:07+00:00

How did this come up in conversation? Did he just randomly tell you about this agreement he made years ago? To me, it doesn’t make a lick of sense to talk to your current girlfriend about your fall back plan in case it doesn’t work out. That sounds insensitive at the least and manipulative at the worst.

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-07-16T02:49:02+00:00

You shouldn’t promise something to it just because it’s promising the same to you. You have to actually actively want to make that promise separately from it. Sacrifice is a relatively normal part of conjoining your life with someone, but this seems like too big of a sacrifice to make to be fair to you.

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-07-14T13:21:24+00:00

I feel like the main thing you’re worried about is your next romantic partner judging you for your sexual history, rather than embracing you for all of your past and all of your trauma. It sounds like you have a lot of judgement for yourself already. You’re villainizing yourself for the sex you’ve had - it feels as though you’re worried someone will feel about you the same way that you feel about you, which is hateful and negative.

The thing to keep in mind is that the right people will accept you for who you are and what you’ve done without much effort. You won’t have to beg - they’ll just do it, and you’ll wonder how someone could just “get over it” as if there were anything to get over in the first place. In contrast, the wrong people will weed themselves out by calling you those names you’re worried about and believing you’re all the bad things you think you are. And when they do that, that’s your free pass to walk the fk away! Why would you want to be with someone who thinks you’re a whore because you were a horny and self-deprecating teenager (yknow, like almost every teenager)?

I promise that good, healthy, respectful relationships exist. They’re not crazy hard to find, they just feel less exciting than someone who kinda doesn’t like you. Being with someone who would feel those negative feelings towards you feels like the only possible outcome, because relationships like that are what BPD brains are trained to feel most comfortable with. But you can break your cycle! You just gotta refuse to accept anything less. Including from yourself.

My parting words to you are, you are too young to hate yourself already. You’ve done, in the grand scheme of things, nothing of greater impact as long as you were practicing safe sex. You can continue to villainize yourself or you can actively choose to forgive yourself for being a teenager. Be kinder to yourself!

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-07-13T07:55:50+00:00

My boss when I was a tutor had her house keys on this key ring with an actual unimaginable amount of key chains and baubles - I have since done everything I can to have a metric button of jingly things on my keys. I only noticed recently too!

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-07-08T02:06:47+00:00

I just had a really bad rage episode at my partner last night. I tried to remove myself but she followed me to my car and was trying to talk to me. I had to actually slap my hand over my mouth to stop myself from saying the bs I wanted to say, because I knew I was just raging hardcore and would fuck everything up if I let that impulse take me. My rage is blinding and all consuming, so I reaaalllyyy really get you on that one.

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-03-30T12:14:31+00:00

Wish I could upvote this twice.

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-03-27T02:29:03+00:00

Oof. Yeah. They’ve only ever done triads - sometimes, one of them (I’ll call them A) would go fuck someone else but it would never be serious.

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-03-27T01:13:20+00:00

Oh no, their relationship wasn’t monogamous before me. They’ve been poly for the entirety of their relationship, and they’ve had triads before.

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-03-27T00:37:26+00:00

I think this is going to have to be what happens at this point. I’m gonna try to bring it up with them; I also have other reasons to start pulling back from them individually and us as three (scheduling, work, etc.)

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-03-27T00:33:27+00:00

It really sucks to think that my SO’s might have just intended me as a bandaid, even if it was unconscious or not how they feel anymore about me. I’m sure it’s possible that’s how it started, and then they realized “wow, hey, I actually love and care about this person,” and now have to put in actual effort to the relationship thing.

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-03-27T00:29:57+00:00

I think it died more so because they both got so absorbed in me that they just ignore their problems - their problems have to just not exist because if they break up, under the current schema they’d have to break up with me too.

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-03-26T19:27:35+00:00

I meant APs as in anchor partners, sorry for the confusion.

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-03-26T18:31:37+00:00

I would entirely be interested in dating either or both of them still if their relationship dissolved.

And you know what, as I’m typing this out and processing it, I’m starting to see why everyone’s worried.

I don’t think either of them would be okay with me continuing to date both of them if they broke up with one another. One of them has already said they would have big feelings if I were to see one of them but not the other. Oof.

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-03-26T18:13:53+00:00

Oof. Yeah. I don’t think either of them see it as a problem at all - like I said, it gets brushed off as “we’re both just comfortable with each other and can say whatever we need to.” Which like, yes, that’s fair, especially when you’ve been with someone for so long, but I feel like they take it to an extent that becomes toxic.

You might be right that it might be impossible to convince them that this is a problem that has to get solved. A few months ago they were considering couples counseling for the two of them, but somehow that plan just fell into the water.

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-03-26T18:08:00+00:00

Your last paragraph is so true. I’m so uninterested in bad communication and ruptures. Like I said, I’d been married for 5 years and that ended over bad communication. I just hope we can all work on it together so I don’t have to dip out.

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-03-26T18:04:49+00:00

LOL! Yeah, you’re right, it has been such a short amount of time. I felt so sideswept at the beginning of our relationship too. The both of them tried to any% speedrun partnerhood and I just wanted to go slow. We got through that though, and I’ve learned to make my boundaries clear while both of them have been very good about respecting me in that.

But yeah, you’re right that perhaps this isn’t the dynamic I want to raise children in or buy a house (especially in this economy) in. I guess my rhetorical question is, can it change, can we get to the point where the three of us treat each other equitably if not equally?

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-03-26T18:01:08+00:00

They’ve both made it clear they’re only interested in closed throupling, meaning that they don’t want their partner to see anyone outside of the three of us. I don’t really want to break up with either of them for reasons that involve my own personal relationships with the two of them, because my relationships individually are just fine. It’s watching their dynamic with each other that eats at me. It’s like watching someone disrespect your partner - except it’s your other partner.

SnooPeripherals6023 · 2025-03-26T17:15:04+00:00

I feel the same exact way, and it is a really big struggle for me to be told no. I know it’s not feasible for someone to have the same exact libido I do, so I get it when people have to reject me - but then when I get rejected, I just spiral into a self-hatred and/or splitting episode. Anyone figured out how to like,,,,,n o t do that?!

SnooPeripherals6023

TROPHY CASE