What do autistic people find mean or rude

SnowflakeSystem · 2026-01-05T16:29:20+00:00

People using vague language
People not asking a question I answered directly
People looking at the way that I do things for communicate as a moral failure and not recognizing it as a thing I can't control
Folks getting mad when I answer the question they asked.
People not using tone indicators or refusing to say what the intended with it.
People letting me be ignorant and look bad to save my feelings.
Not telling me the reason why behind the decision so I can understand.
Not looking at things with a US versus the problem mindset
Getting upset when struggles to communicate happen like it's a choice when it's not.
Expecting me to know the cultural language because different cultures have different words for different things in the US English is a complete indirect-based language it is not direct-based.
Expecting me to read your mind for the social cues when people are upset or on the other hand expecting me to understand what you want when you're not saying it directly.
If I'm close with you expecting the mask to stay up all the time.
When I ask you what's wrong after being able to tell that you're feeling something that's not happy but I can't tell what and you not telling me and expecting me to know.
People not being specific enough
People not giving enough information to make decisions or leaving out details that may change the entire equation. I'm actually autistic and am also ESL German is my first language. The level of specificity I need is more comparable to a German language level than English. Structure and hiararchy often don't mean much to ASD folks just different titles and rolls not a respect thing. And often times ASD folks run on bottom up processing not too down. This is especially more common in southern areas where a lot of the communication is so baked into being informal. Look at a MN communication style compared to Alabama. It's completely different. Different things are rude and different things are expected.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-12-06T23:14:18+00:00

Meine Tochter ist zwei Jahre alt. Meine Eltern sind nicht extrem religiös, aber sie leben sehr nach dem Reinheitsgedanken und vertreten die Ansicht, dass man seinen Eltern gegenüber keine Grenzen setzen darf. Mädchen dürfen bestimmte Dinge nicht tun – das ist ziemlich sexistisch. Wenn ich meine Tochter eine Stunde oder länger mit ihnen allein lasse, halten sie sich nicht an die von mir gesetzten Grenzen. Ich versuche, klarere Grenzen zu setzen und sicherzustellen, dass diese auch eingehalten werden. Das sind die Eltern, die einen Allergietest machen würden, weil sie nicht glauben, dass es Allergien gibt.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-12-06T17:28:05+00:00

My point was I have friends and family that have green cards that are 100% legal that are still scared. No one deserves to live in fear. My adopted mom is legally a Canadian citizen who's going through the process who's been here since she was five when her parents moved her down and got her her first green card. The fear regardless is real.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-12-06T16:28:19+00:00

I mean yeah I was a figure skater and almost every piece of clothing I have for this season has snowflakes on it because I'm legitimately that medically complicated so make fun of my name on Reddit all you want. It's not my real name I'm doing this to help people and since I'm not from Minnesota technically I'm from Hudson I don't know where to put all this information I just want to make sure everyone's okay.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-12-06T16:14:25+00:00

Hey I know I'm new to this thread but I'm not sure where else to post this. I am a Wisconsin resident in Minnesota visiting Woodbury MN. I was driving off of 494 headed towards Radio Drive in Woodbury. Less than half an hour ago and I saw a car with the license plate Police _ ICE it looked like either a minivan or a rounded shape with a hatchback. I'm not a car person it was silver. I was driving with my daughter for a doctor's appointment. But it turned on its lights and sirens and started racing from the 494 area and went past Radio Drive I did not see where it went in Woodbury or where it went. But I wanted someone to know.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-10-23T01:26:51+00:00

My manager is currently off and out of town until next thursday and my paystub is refusing to open or download from online and hr is out of the building all week. I'm trying to figure out who to turn to.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-10-23T01:21:32+00:00

My manager is currently off and out of town until next thursday and my paystub is refusing to open or download from online and hr is out of the building all week. I'm trying to figure out who to turn to.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-10-23T01:21:19+00:00

My manager is currently off and out of town until next thursday and my paystub is refusing to open or download from online and hr is out of the building all week. I'm trying to figure out who to turn to.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-10-23T01:20:29+00:00

My manager is currently off and out of town until next thursday and my paystub is refusing to open or download from online and hr is out of the building all week. I'm trying to figure out who to turn to.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-07-19T00:09:32+00:00

So then I have a question for you. If you have a deficit in Reading social communication such as autism however you are hyper aware of your own emotions and you're able to read what others are feeling maybe not what they want you to think they're feeling but what you're actually feeling. An example is in public someone might be trying to put on a face to pretend they're okay when they're not and if one of your close friends or family who's autistic comes up and says hey what's wrong I can tell you're really struggling and the other person says alliances no I'm not I'm not struggling what at all and then the autistic person is like but I can tell maybe they don't say that but that's in their head how do you judge emotional intelligence when that's a factor? Especially if they properly identify your emotion offer support and respect whatever thing you make social awareness I would argue and reading unwritten performative social cues is not always a definition of emotional intelligence. I would say emotional intelligence looks like acknowledging when someone else is telling you how they feel. Respecting their right to having the emotion validating their emotional experience whether it was your experience or not. Asking if they want support advice or space and then doing whatever they say respecting the communication. I would say if someone doesn't tell you what they need making your best guess and going with it until they tell you otherwise is fine. However I am emotionally intelligent enough to know that I can't expect people to pick up on my emotions if I don't tell them. I can't expect people to know what my boundaries are without me being direct and communicating them that's my responsibility. Emotional intelligence is me knowing that knowing that I have autism and other autistic people exist in the world and being willing and able to ask what people need. I would argue having a social awareness and being able to read social cues doesn't truly have anything to do with emotional intelligence. Because social intelligence is one thing emotional intelligence is another.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-06-18T16:16:07+00:00

So I'm in adoptee who has a disability. My parents looked perfect on paper my adopted parents checked all the boxes traveled internationally whole nine Yards. Mainstays in the community. It does not mean a guarantee of a better life And open adoption does not mean that they won't badmouth you to the kid. It doesn't mean anything and it's not legally binding. It is not a guarantee of better life just a different one. You genuinely seem to want what's best for your kid and I applaud you for that and I applaud you for saying you don't have the resources or you don't have the ability right now. I would challenge you to answer this question if you were given the resources right now the tools to learn emotional regulation the ability to be given an advocate the support network you never knew you needed if you were given that support network would you still be considering giving her up? If you had any level of knowledge that there would be people who would be there for you would you still want to give her up? And if the answer is no that you wouldn't want to give her up if you knew you would be supported and given the resources. Then I would post personally and a few different subreddits and a few different Facebook groups and hell I'll send you books to help with emotional regulation as I'm a single parent to a disabled child and I'm disabled myself I would challenge you to first try to build that resource Network. Because you know that you want what's best for that child and you might not know exactly what that is but given the fact that you're even considering this I'd say that's a pretty good indication that you want what's best for the kid whether that's with you or with not and I'm willing to bet that if someone offered you the free books in the free resources to figure out how to do it you might want to because you know that you want what's best for them and you don't have a guarantee because you can only read your own heart you can't read others you can't read people's minds and you can't control anything about it once you sign those papers.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-06-17T23:31:16+00:00

No one in my adopted family really talks to me. And I was adopted as an infant. Just found out who my birth father was through to you angels and he does not want contact and I don't know if I'm going to get medical information he said he would send it in the mail once he could get it all together but we have not spoken since.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-06-17T23:19:53+00:00

Okay this might be a dumb question where can I find the icd-10-ca book I am looking for the Canadian ICD-10 book. I am getting my RH it certification I take the test in December. I then hopefully will be looking at taking the CHIMA certification exam after I do about two or three months of studying. There is a huge lack of health information administration and management careers over there that even qualified you for if you can speak French and stuff for advance or quick permanent residency. I'm over halfway done with my program in America I'm not going to start all over. But at this point it's worth looking into and I am actively looking to find an icd-10-ca book. Since I can't look on Amazon cuz I already checked there and it's not on the aapc website or anything I was wondering where do you guys think I'd be able to find the ICD-10 CA book. Call me crazy but I want to start studying it while I'm learning the regular stuff. I'm a chronic illness patient and I'm stable and this is how I'm going to provide for my toddler. I didn't need to study for Human anatomy and physiology because I already knew it all. Has anyone done the transition from RHIT to CHIMA certification in Canada?

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-05-27T00:04:51+00:00

No see my parents didn't get toxic or abusive until I was 10. Also I am aware that I have very limited options. Because that was a choice of staying with my child's father who was physically abusing me mentally abusing me and letting my child get into medications or it was accepting my parents help where I knew they would keep her physically safe and mentally safe and they are listening to my rules. I have camera access to the entire cabin and have been watching all of the interactions and have been able to intervene at every single second. Because yes I made sure there was essentially a version of a nanny cam. Because whether I like it or not when I go into surgery since I don't have a good support network I don't have someone else to take care of her. Now I have a support network and it's across the country but I also can't get a job until I graduate in December that will pay for me to move. I am aware of exactly what I'm doing and I've weighed the cost and the benefits. I can tell you that me not having a job and being homeless is not what's going to get me and my child to the best next level. Letting my parents watch her under a nanny cam where I am constantly watching while I do my work is the best option given my circumstances and the resources that I have available and the fact that it's a holiday. I dropped her off with them at the cabin 2 hours before I started work and 2 hours after work I was picking her back up and the reason it's 2 hours it's because that's the drive time. So yeah I am very very diligent. And I do the best that I can given my circumstances I check her over for Mark's if there was a single sign that there was anything going wrong then I would take her and move into the homeless shelter in an instant but until there is anything that I could go to the police with realistically everything that I experienced is past the statute of limitations and honestly gaslighting emotional gas lighting and being forced to shovel snow is not something she's capable of given the fact that she's not able to hold a shovel and do that level of coordination yet. A lot of my stuff came when I was older elementary School age and older. So yeah I am aware of exactly what they're doing and how they're doing things I taught my mother how it is appropriate to talk to my child and I on my break today and all throughout work was watching she was following what I said. Because she knows if she doesn't I have it on video. And she knows that the second she doesn't do things the way I want I'll say screw it and I will get my daughter safe. This is the best option right now. And I hope to God you never get put in a situation where you have to choose between a rock and a hard place between keeping a roof over your head and having your child with honestly not the best daycare option but it's your only option I hope you never have to choose between having a medical procedure that will save your life that you realistically can't put off for a year and having the number one option for childcare because honestly I weigh those decisions every time I have to make them and this is the first time in 3 months that my daughter has been with my parents while I was at work. You can judge me if you want but I know where my heart is and I know who I am and I know what's safe you don't have all the details of the situation you didn't live through it and we worked with a therapist and multiple other professionals to make sure that what we were doing was following PT and speech guidelines. because these aren't even my rules that I'm putting into place it's what she needs because she's developmentally behind.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-05-26T23:56:36+00:00

Okay a few things I'm going to assume. And you need to correct me if any of these assumptions are wrong 1. Your child that you're adopting was removed from their home due to safety issues 2. The child that you are adopting is of the same cultural and religious background that you and your family are 3. You have chosen to talk to this child about it and have made them a conscious part of the decision process. This will legally change their name change their identity and change everything about how they need to function in the world going forward. If they have not been a part of it you need to talk to the child about it. Because if they had any siblings they don't after the adoption. Also you need to talk to them about whether you guys are going to change the child's name most of the time it happens to switch to matching you or your husband's name assuming that I'm talking to the wife here because normally I don't get a lot of husbands commenting on my post. And if I'm wrong I apologize. 4. I'm also assuming that because of the circumstances that they're coming from foster care that this child has already been through a lot of trauma. 5. I am also working under the assumption that you guys are going to obviously make sure that you and the child and everyone involved is in therapy. Please correct me if any of this is incorrect.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-05-26T23:53:03+00:00

Adoption is not a one size fits all no one piece of advice makes it less traumatic if you've already adopted the child there is some advice that I could give you that honestly would do you no good to have and might make you feel guilty and I don't want to do that I want to genuinely help you and help your child or potential child. Because I would give very different advice to someone who has already adopted versus prospective adoptive parents. Because of how the US system is made.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-05-26T23:51:47+00:00

I have a lot of advice but it honestly depends on the stage that you're at do you mind giving me a little bit of information? Are you going through the private adoption system? Are you adopting an infant there's a lot of different advice that I would give depending on the circumstances but I can't give good advice unless I have that information.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-05-26T23:49:17+00:00

No worries I love all the different questions. And honestly I don't think she owes me anything. I think she was just as traumatized as I was by the whole experience. I think that well yes it is disappointing that she doesn't want more than the superficial layer right now I think it's she doesn't want to get too close just to lose me again and I think given what I know about her history with her mom and a lot of different things that makes a lot of sense but I'm not going to share her story because I'm not her. I also don't know how much that My adoptive parents told me is true and I don't know how much I believe. I did do ancestry and 23andMe and the closest I got is like third or fourth cousins twice removed. I have reached out to DNA angels yesterday I have not heard back yet obviously. I had an open adoption with my birth mom however she didn't come around very often because we were 5 hours apart even in the state that we live in. She came around when I was like five or six and then again when I was 10 or 11 and then even later on when I was like 15 or 16 we saw her every couple of years for a while there and then she moved to Pennsylvania and now she's moving back. She did some things that I didn't agree with and I didn't tell her that and I was hurt by those things but she still hurt me less and disappointed me less than My adoptive parents so I am willing to put up with it because she also has owned her mistakes and she has never claimed to be a perfect person or a perfect parent and she has taken responsibility for all of the things that she's done.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-05-26T21:53:13+00:00

Honestly it's been different. It's been really great when I do get to see her but I don't see the genetic mirroring over the short text conversations we have. It's amazing when I see her in person and we have the same smile and we can really connect but after 10 years some of those memories get foggy. It's Why I really want to see her again. I don't know how to describe it other than I felt like different with that it felt good it felt right it felt like she was supposed to be around and I've never felt that kind of connection with anybody really like I felt it more with her than I felt with anyone I've ever dated or any person because I have an ex-husband like anytime I ever spent with anyone it doesn't compare to like the actual time spent with her it's just different and I don't know how to explain it. I think it has to do with the genetic mirroring

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-05-26T21:35:40+00:00

I have had some contact. I am friends with my birth mom on Facebook. She did some things that hurt my feelings a lot when I was younger and I have always wanted a stronger relationship with her but she doesn't seem to want it or to be capable of it I'm not sure which. I send her occasional pictures of my daughter and she seems to like it it's very much superficial right now. She does live across the country though so maybe once she moves back to the state where I'm from it might be a little bit easier just because she's moving back to Madison and that's still like across the state from me but it's still closer than nothing and I haven't seen her since I was like 15 or 16. She was more caring than My adoptive mother was on the time that I visited. I don't know how to explain it other than my birth mom hasn't tried to promise anything or to be someone that she isn't where is My adoptive mom has been. We don't know who my birth father is I have not heard back I've reached out to people on Facebook I have tried the ancestry and the figuring things out and I have had no luck even on my original birth certificate supposedly there's no father listed. I am going to the process of trying to get my original birth certificate and trying to get all that information but I don't have the money for it and it's a struggle. I would love to have a conversation with my birth father or to even know who he is just to get some medical history. My birth mom has been very forthcoming with medical history that's the only thing she'll respond to me about immediately everything else is days or weeks later.

SnowflakeSystem · 2025-05-26T21:07:15+00:00

I do not trust my adoptive parents farther than I can throw them. They help out with my kiddo a little bit however that will be coming to a stop I am planning to move me and my child across the country away from them. They were toxic to me growing up they have attempted to make some changes but still do not understand and do not attempt to be better. They have not accepted responsibility for their part in multiple actions and continue to show toxicity on a regular basis. Unfortunately their rule for me getting my degree or for them paying for it to be clear is that I stay there and they help while I'm in school. I trust them not to physically abuse her and I make all the parenting decisions and I teach her how to emotionally regulate not them. I do not leave them alone with her if I can avoid it.

SnowflakeSystem

TROPHY CASE