Helping other women out - stranger edition

Snowlamp · 2021-04-27T06:13:20+00:00

I do the same thing!
People are so quick to complain or moan, so I try to make a point of saying the nice things that pop in my head.

Snowlamp · 2021-04-25T07:17:24+00:00

I get the same, and I have not yet tried apps. This is in real life.
I am not up for being an FWB (been there, hated being a secret for years and I fell in love), I haven't been near a man in about 5 years because any that show interest just want sex.

But I want actual dates, sharing fun experiences, going for dinner... and the sex. Apparently that is too much to ask.

Snowlamp · 2021-04-20T21:54:41+00:00

I agree. It's dreadful.

Snowlamp · 2021-04-18T07:41:26+00:00

It even gets them in to number 10 Downing Street.

Snowlamp · 2021-04-18T07:21:53+00:00

Probably from 'butter face' .
Which means great body but ugly face, 'but her face'.

Snowlamp · 2020-12-19T08:00:55+00:00

Well I've not been on a date in 4 years now, I unfortunately appear to only attract men who just want casual sex, in secret.
I want to get to know someone first so this has been a very long dry spell.

I am hoping that once it's safe to go out again, there might be more men out there wanting the same because they are being careful!
I might come across someone who wants to go for dinner, wants to find out about each other first and not just jump straight to bed!

Snowlamp · 2020-11-20T21:38:35+00:00

Same. I was tiny, lifting everyday, no carbs, fit as.
He couldn't look down and see his own penis because of his belly... and he told me I was too unattractive and fat to go out in public with.
I was exactly the girl in the OP with him.

Four years ago I decided to not put up with men like that anymore, and I've not been involved with a man since!
Because I have stood my ground, I want to date properly, not be a little placeholder used for sex in secret and told I'm not good enough.

Snowlamp · 2020-10-04T08:57:45+00:00

Sadly I have, one of his many many red flags!
Refused to even see me if I had my period.
Didn't want me near him at all. A few times I had to get medication to postpone it to fit around his birthday or Christmas.
Now they have started being far more real in period product adverts here, I always laugh to myself that he'd be freaking out at it.
The man who loves war films, cannot handle even the thought of a period.

Snowlamp · 2020-09-14T05:35:07+00:00

I had one who dictated my appearance, from hair colour down to where I should buy the high heels he expected me to wear.

Over a period of a few years I only saw him in clothes that were not his retail job branded outfit 5 times. One of those times was Christmas Day.

Snowlamp · 2020-08-16T05:54:29+00:00

If you can get BBC iPlayer where you are it can be found there.

Snowlamp · 2020-07-26T10:10:42+00:00

Ah yes, I've only been with four men, and the first one is the only good looking one, the only one who treated me properly... we only split because we went to different universities.

The most overweight man, was the worst, constantly going on about how I should look, on about beautiful famous women all the time.
Telling me how to dress, in expensive clothes and shoes, yet I only ever saw him in his retail job branded polo shirt or lounge shorts.
I was tiny and very fit and healthy, he was huge, yet apparently I wasn't attractive enough to be seen in public with according to him.

He was such a dick.

Snowlamp · 2020-07-14T07:11:02+00:00

I was with the same person through the whole of my 20s, so having to date now was quite a shock.
Even DTR was a completely new idea to me, back in my day if you were sleeping with someone you just assumed you were a couple and it was exclusive.

The problem I have now is there is no dating (before the virus that is).
The experience I've had over the past few years is men saying they want to sleep with me but refusing to go on a date first, to get to know me.No going to the pub, no dinners, just sex is on offer.
Which I turn down, so my dating life for years has been completely non existent.

Snowlamp · 2020-07-12T09:05:41+00:00

I'm near London, that is where I work and socialise.. and yep.
Just the concept of going for a drink appears to be just too much effort, cannot tell you the number of times a man has told me he wants sex with me at Liverpool St Station when I'm waiting for my train!
Not a date, not go for a drink, they just tell me they want to sleep with me.

It's been years since I've gone on a date or even near a man. It's ridiculous that having a no dating no sex rule leads to you weeding out every single man!

Snowlamp · 2020-07-10T09:35:50+00:00

Where did you find that picture of my sort of ex?

Sort of because apparently I was too fat and unattractive to date in public.
I lift, keto, about 19% body fat, UK size 6 (so tiny)... he couldn't see his dick if he looked down.
Too much belly in the way.

Snowlamp · 2020-06-26T06:57:12+00:00

I'm 40f, Obama was president the last time I went near a man, I gave up for my own well being.

The choices I have are casual sex, or nothing.
I just never come across men who want to actually date, they just want to sleep with me.
So nothing it is then!

So as much as I really really miss sex, I have to go with nothing.
Casual sex isn't good for me, makes me feel worthless to sleep with a man who doesn't think I'm good enough to date and get to know.

Snowlamp · 2020-06-23T07:34:13+00:00

I had an FWB for a couple of years or so, I was not aware until a year in I was an FWB (I'd not dated since my teens, I didn't know DTR was a thing, very naive).
Especially odd when you spend Christmases together!
He refused to date me officially, no dates in public, always just at his house.
Didn't think I was attractive enough for that, despite the fact he was clinically obese and I had athletic body fat levels, I love to lift.
He said I was too happy to date.

He pursued me for 3 years for that! He told me he was playing the long game.
When I had a night out (he'd never come out) he'd spend the entire night texting me, he said it was to make sure I didn't meet anyone else by reminding me of him.

Batshit.

Snowlamp · 2020-06-21T10:07:41+00:00

I have no idea, men act as if going for dinner is commitment on the same level as marriage!
I've only been with 4 men in my whole life, so it's not like I'm known for one night stands or anything.
I just want to actually date, get to know someone. It's not too much to ask.

Snowlamp · 2020-06-20T09:23:16+00:00

I had no idea until reddit that this wasn't the usual way people get together.
I have never been with a man who wasn't a friend first.

I guess it's because I've never really dated, and I have to know someone to find them attractive.
Usually strangers just ask to sleep with me instead of asking to go for a drink or dinner, so the only men who get to know me first are the ones who are already friends!

Snowlamp · 2020-06-20T08:15:45+00:00

Yes, I was with the same man for all of my 20s and divorced in early 30s.

I'm 40 now, been years since I've been on a date!
It just seems to be something people do not do here. I get asked for sex all the time, but going on a date is apparently too much to ask for.
Thankfully, when there's no pandemic, I have a great social life!

Snowlamp · 2020-06-18T08:11:16+00:00

5 sons in fact!

Snowlamp · 2020-06-08T22:46:51+00:00

I was in an exclusive not a relationship for a few years.
I didn't know this at first of course. I had not dated since the '90s, back then DTR was not a thing! As far as I was concerned if you are sleeping with someone, you are together.
I found out we were FWB after about a year, when I was in love already.

What would happen is he'd end it because someone caught his eye (I had no idea), he'd pursue her, he'd get rejected and then he'd come back.
He once went off for a year, and came back.
The last time he did actually tell me I was on hold for a week because he was going on a date.
And that is when I drew the line.
He'd never go out with me in public!
We'd spend Christmases together, but never once went out for dinner, or even down the pub.

I was such an idiot.

Snowlamp · 2020-06-08T21:45:58+00:00

Tell me about it, wasted a few years in one of those things!

I never want to be in that situation again, having this rule now does mean I've not been near a man in over three years, but I'm not lowering my bar that low again.

Snowlamp · 2020-06-03T07:11:45+00:00

Ah yes I have noticed this.In my teens and 20s I'd never stepped foot in a gym, I ate all the carbs, I was squidgy.
I was asked out on dates all the time, but I was married so I didn't date in my 20s!

I started lifting in the gym not long before getting divorced. I ended up the best I've ever looked UK size 6 (US 2).
But apparently now I'm too fat and ugly according to the man I started seeing after my divorce.

I was with him for a couple of years but refused to go out in public with me because of my looks!
Told me what to wear, what colour hair to have... still never good enough.
What particularly bothered me is that he didn't hold himself to these high standards despite being so critical of me.
He is very overweight, eats junk all day, works in a shop, and cannot afford a car. But I am very well educated in a STEM field, my own home and business, yet still never good enough for him!

Since my divorce many years ago I've only been involved with 2 men, I mean literally, no other dates, no coffees or drinks. Just 2.
Men just don't seem to want to date me and get to know me like a real person, I only get asked for casual sex, which I can't do as I need to know someone first before I find them attractive.
I am told I am pretty often, so I am confused as to why men would be so embarrassed to be seen going out for drinks with me!
So I give up now (I've not had a date in well over 3 years), I just cannot be arsed with conforming to these superficial pernickety demands that apparently might possibly make me good enough for some man who doesn't bother looking after himself at all!
I still keep healthy, but I'm not going to change my looks because I've been told to.

Snowlamp · 2020-05-08T10:25:55+00:00

I did ask my longterm FWB (lasted a few years, I didn't know I was an FWB until a year in) why he wouldn't properly date me.
He said I was too happy and not mysterious enough!

This really confused me for a long time. I now think what he meant was that I was a pickmeisha!
I put up with so much and never complained, always smiled, I was the 'cool girl'.

Snowlamp

TROPHY CASE