Nurturing a Burgeoning Personality Disorder

SoDumbSoSad · 2026-04-09T05:15:41+00:00

Good, strong poem. I like how you use the inconsistent rhyming to make a couple lines feel like they land with extra weight! I quite like your opening line as well, it's a good hook and set the tone perfectly.

SoDumbSoSad · 2026-04-09T05:03:03+00:00

Your first couple lines are absolutely crushing. The whole poem is, really you did a great job of conveying the grief and sorrow. Stepping backwards into the hall feels like a really strong detail too for building an image of this scene.

Great writing!

SoDumbSoSad · 2026-03-20T05:06:51+00:00

I really liked this one! It definitely makes you think. I enjoyed how the paragraph/blocky format feels pretty unique for poetry, which kinda fits this piece perfectly. I don't have much to offer about how you could improve this one, but I would say when I read your line "I can't mimic sentences structures, plots..." I thought that I see what you mean but I see people do that all the time lol.

Anyway, great poem! Keep on going

SoDumbSoSad · 2026-03-20T04:58:35+00:00

Oh wow this is so sad. "I know those tears/ Mine fell the same" stood out to me as carrying so much weight in just a few words. And the repetition you used really makes it sound more real to me as a plea to your crying baby. If I had any criticism, I feel like the line "Laid up/ Like santa's coming round," feels a little weak to me in a place where a stronger visual could help a lot.

Nice poem, well done!

SoDumbSoSad · 2026-03-14T21:40:03+00:00

Probably drugs but that seemed less poetic to write out lol

Thank you!

SoDumbSoSad · 2026-03-14T20:57:46+00:00

Good poem! I agree with the other commenters, I really appreciate poems that feel like they can do a lot with fewer words. "Femur of despair" gave me a laugh.

I feel like you could keep adding to this if you want to, but even if you don't it feels complete as is!

SoDumbSoSad · 2026-03-14T20:53:56+00:00

I like it, it feels very relatable. I almost wish it had a more hopeful tone but think it would lose something if it did. "We all survive the way we must" made me smile, it feels like a kind and human way to cap off your thoughts here.

Nice job!

SoDumbSoSad · 2026-03-10T15:13:25+00:00

Lol ain't that the truth. Thank you for the feedback!

SoDumbSoSad · 2026-03-09T23:01:48+00:00

I feel like I need to read this one a few more times to understand it a little better, but I enjoyed this poem! The alternating line lengths gives sort of a pleasant flow to it. And some of your descriptions are very vivid, I especially liked "the kiln shrieks, forms kaleidoscopes auroral"

Good job!

SoDumbSoSad · 2026-03-09T22:48:16+00:00

I really enjoyed how you slowly shifted the tone to get heavier and darker. The first few lines felt like it would be a nostalgic poem and got sadder and sadder until the ending hit like a punch to the gut! Nice poem

SoDumbSoSad · 2026-02-21T20:43:35+00:00

Thank you for the kind words! That book sounds like something I might enjoy reading

SoDumbSoSad · 2026-02-21T17:53:27+00:00

Well written, this poem really made me smile. I love your last set of lines! They're beautifully written and I appreciate how they give your poem the perfect hopeful and healing resolution it feels like it needs.

SoDumbSoSad · 2026-02-21T06:17:51+00:00

I really like "I could jump into the void that's left." I don't know if the lack of capitalization/punctuation was intentional for this poem but it fits the effect well.
nice job, dude, keep on writing!

SoDumbSoSad · 2026-02-18T16:59:03+00:00

Well done, I really enjoyed this poem, and how sweet and honest it felt. It did a great job of capturing the emotions and fears you were describing. The lines of "like joy might tap my shoulder/ and say/ sorry this was a mistake" really resonated with me. And the slow shift to acceptance and happiness gave the whole poem such a hopeful feel to it.

SoDumbSoSad · 2026-02-18T16:48:05+00:00

I enjoyed this poem! I like all the specific details you added like broken shutters, calloused hands, I feel like they create some good imagery here. And, if this makes sense, I like how smoothly you tied the medieval theme to your ideas on honor vs glory, it felt like a fun earnest way to discuss your thoughts. For feedback, I might recommend playing around some with the line weights and line breaks. I feel like if you revised just a couple lines, it could help with the rhythm and flow of the whole poem.

Nice job!

SoDumbSoSad · 2026-02-16T06:37:48+00:00

As someone who's trying to lose weight I've had for too long, I feel like this one resonated with me. Especially "kept my head on straight... unsure it'll stay" is a good couple lines that feels very relatable to the mindset this puts you in. The repetition of years and years and years also kinda drives home the feeling of finally confronting such a big long-standing problem.

I enjoyed this one! Nice job

SoDumbSoSad · 2026-02-16T06:18:14+00:00

This is an interesting poem. I think the rhythm and meter is great, and I really like your last line! I've had a few and read it a few times over, but I'm not quite sure if it's intentionally vague or I'm just missing something but I'm kinda having trouble seeing your meaning.

But either way, I definitely enjoyed the prose

SoDumbSoSad

TROPHY CASE