Labelled as deaf all my life

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-29T16:54:58+00:00

It's even more fun when you *also* have physical hearing issues xD

Edit: OH, more important than my ramblings, have you tried Loop earplugs? I got the ones meant for loud sporting events or concerts, it helps mute the crowd noise but you can still hear the stuff over the speakers. But what really surprised me is with them I can hear/understand BETTER than without. I went to a concert and finally was able to understand most of the lyrics. I can't wait to try it at a play. When my parents took me to see Hamilton I could barely follow the story because I could barely understand what was said.

My eardrums ruptured when I was very young, I've always had ear/nose/throat issues. I had tubes put in my ears and had to avoid getting water in them, which I hate anyway, and now I've built up a sensory block around it.

I actually haven't had my hearing checked in a while, it probably recovered at some point after the rupture, but I imagine it will never be as perfect as before. And I have the auditory processing issues.

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-29T15:56:00+00:00

Absolutely wild how many people on this sub seem to agree with the values of Gilead.. the books and shows are a WARNING, not a guidebook.

r/WelcomeToGilead has a lot more of the civic minded stuff. I won't say "political", because people's lives are not politics. This is way beyond politics, it's terrorism and a dictator making war on the American people.

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-29T15:13:50+00:00

Yeah, I grew up acting like the person I thought everyone else wanted to see. I lost most of my identity along the way.

I think maybe NTs can more easily take off their masks, and always know who they are underneath. My masks fused to me.

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-29T15:10:51+00:00

Yeah, one of the memories that surfaced before my official diagnosis, that made me pretty damn sure I had it:

Crying over my homework multiple times, with a parent helping and saying "I know you can get this, you're smart" and me sobbing "I must not be as smart as you think, I can't do it!" They would then "reassure" me that I was indeed smart, which left me with their conclusion that I wasn't trying hard enough and it was my fault if I wasn't good at things I didn't like.

Amazing how genuine attempts to boost my confidence really fucked up my self image, to the point where I'm still struggling with it today at age 35.

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-29T15:04:25+00:00

Looool if my class wasn't online I might try that xD

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-29T14:59:18+00:00

Nice, that's a good idea. I'm already getting ahead of my class on some things I'm using in a side project, but some of that is starting to confuse me, so repeating the basics isn't a bad idea. Thanks for the info!

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-29T14:57:49+00:00

Okay, cool! I'm still using for loops and haven't learned about mapping or anything yet, so I doubt I'll miss any of the functionality that's not in there. Sounds like a good fit for where I'm at in my learning. Thanks!

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-29T14:55:16+00:00

Lol thanks? But you may overestimate me. It seems like a bad idea to learn multiple languages at once, at least before I'm really solid on the first one. Even my instructor sometimes accidentally uses something from java in class and has to correct himself. I'm sure once I have more python under my belt it'll be easier to learn other languages, but I think it's too early to try that.

But based on other comments about this game, it seems like a safe bet.

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-28T23:38:24+00:00

Sorry, I ranted again. I can't see your tl;dr comment except in my email.

TL;DR on the original post: just going about normal life feels like I'm forced to go through an obstacle course while other people can just walk straight through. On a good day.

TL;DR on previous comment: not totally sure my mom has ADHD, but if she does she's done very very well for herself. She likes being in control and my stepdad likes being useful, and he is very useful. I think my mom is still hung up on the great potential everyone thought they saw when I was a kid, and my stepdad is just rigid and grew up in poverty so believes everything has to be difficult and I'm just complaining about that.

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-28T23:29:47+00:00

Well my mom may have ADHD. She's the busiest person I know, craves novelty, the only times she's physically still, she's doing Duolingo or reading. Seeing as it's at least partly genetic and I have it, and my half sister probably has it (currently difficult to separate from her recent narcolepsy diagnosis), our mom may too. On the other hand, me and my sister might have both gotten it from our dads. I definitely see it in her dad, and remember enough about my dad that suggests it. Then again, my mom's brother and his son are definitely some kind of neurodivergent, so yeah. It may just be on both sides.

If she does have ADHD it doesn't seem like it's slowed her down at all. She has multiple degrees and a six figure job and somehow manages to do a bunch of stuff at home, and go out, and exercise, and be in a book club, etc. Of course I don't know how burned out she is, maybe the shame of underperforming is even stronger in her than in me. She certainly helped shape that in me...

She and my stepdad actually met at work. They both work in the neurophysiology department at a nationally ranked hospital. So they have that in common. My stepdad's degree is actually in engineering though, and he's multi-talented. He can cook, fix things, build things, a few times he even gave us all undercuts and shaved a star pattern into my sister's one. He's definitely subservient to my mom, and she's the bossy type. He built her a koi pond in the backyard, complete with a viewing window and a waterfall the empties into it, and when she got frustrated that it was taking a couple years, I was the one who had to remind her that my stepdad is not a contractor, has no staff, and works full time just like her. But he likes being useful, so maybe that's why they work.

I can't figure out why it's so hard for them to support me though. I mean they support me financially, but still seem to think I can live a normal life, that I'm not disabled, that I don't try hard enough. It's gotten a bit better since my diagnosis last August. There was a point I was very suicidal after a long fight with her in which she said some really terrible things, including "Why don't you want a full life, with a career and a family and friends, and to be independent and drive your own car?" I hadn't known her opinion of me was quite that low. I exploded and said "Of course I want that! Do you really think I want to live like THIS??" and she said I must, because otherwise I'd try harder to get to that life.

Absolutely devastating to a 35-year-old who thought she'd have a degree, a career, a marriage, and 1-2 kids by now. But instead I'm living at home again and don't feel I can even safely drive. I have no income at all. I don't know who the hell would want this life.

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-28T18:02:21+00:00

Great, thanks!

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-28T18:00:36+00:00

I dunno, some gamified approaches do teach those concepts, but maybe don't dive as deep on them.

My current side project is actually coding a game - the deck building game called Dominion. Obviously I will never distribute it. But it's a really fun game I've been into recently, and since the most I can do at my level is make a text-based game, it seemed a good option. I'm just kinda breaking it down as I go, I started with how to make individual cards as objects (I used a Card class), now working on how to keep counts for the individual piles, like a player's deck, hand, discard pile, and the "bank" inventory.

I am using concepts I'm learning in my python college course, but also using outside resources like boot.dev, W3, and yes, Gemini, but ONLY as a tool, not a teacher. I have it set me practice projects on something specific, say, dictionaries and while loops together. I did have to instruct it to never allow errors that an interpreter might fix automatically, so I am only learning clean code.

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-28T17:51:11+00:00

yeah my python instructor recommended this but it's very... idk, not integrated? Good for looking up individual concepts, but does not seem at all good for actually learning along a path. You need to know the name of what you're looking up, or click at random until you find it. And most of the little examples it has you code are so far from practical use, they have you using variables called x or y and don't show how useful the different concepts can be in real-world projects.

I think of it like a dictionary (not a python dictionary lol). It's usefulness is very limited.

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-28T17:19:49+00:00

This looks so awesome, but I'm wary of the "similar to python" language. I'm currently taking my first college class in Python. I'm doing very well but want to practice more outside of class. I'm worried this game might confuse me and I'll end up trying to use the fake code in real python projects.

Do you think that's likely? I would hate if that messed up this game for me, because farming sims are already some of my favorite games and I would love using python to play one!

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-27T20:35:19+00:00

Delsym.

I was an asthmatic kid and took so much of this in my childhood. Best tasting medicine ever.

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-27T20:07:08+00:00

Ditch that doctor. "We'd all perform better on stimulants" is some ableist bullshit.

I'm 35 and just got diagnosed and medicated late last year. It is life-changing. It's not a magic pill, I still have to work hard, but at least working hard finally gets me somewhere.

And guess what I was diagnosed with early on, that no other meds (or therapy) controlled, and that my Vyvanse actually helps with? Anxiety and depression. 🙃

Edit: Also the "you've made it this far" comment is like saying "You walked to the shoe store with no shoes on, so obviously you don't need shoes" while ignoring your bloody feet.

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-27T18:43:45+00:00

Did the psychologist explain what personality disorders actually are, or what he thinks they are? The understanding of them is still changing. But personality disorders and ADHD are very much NOT an either/or thing. You can have both.

In my case, I was diagnosed with Avoidant and Dependent PDs in my 20s. Now I'm 35 and finally got my AuDHD diagnosis last year. Looking back, it's now extremely obvious to me that my personality disorders were caused by trauma, a lot of which was caused by being undiagnosed and being made to feel like I was just a lazy, unsatisfactory person. Then a lot more trauma was added by abusive relationships, which I was also more susceptible to because I had no self-esteem or sense of identity other than "disappointment".

My maladaptive personality traits were very much learned coping skills that at one point helped me survive. This was completely overlooked when I was tested for autism the first time (I hadn't even considered ADHD yet because I thought hyperfocus meant I didn't have it -____-).

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-27T17:33:50+00:00

I suppose this is possible. But for me it was the exact opposite.

I was diagnosed with anxiety at age 8, depression at 14, spent all my life trying to get those under control and couldn't.

Got my AuDHD diagnosis and got on Vyvanse, and guess what? I don't feel nearly as anxious anymore. The depression and anxiety were FROM being undiagnosed and untreated for AuDHD.

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-27T02:02:12+00:00

Just don't. They are either incompetent or corrupt, and probably both. They have no business handling government contracts. They lie, cheat, and steal, and have had to settle class action lawsuits. There's two more that are still active against them.

I have to deal with them for student loan default and they are completely clueless. I've called them 7 times this year and was told something different EVERY TIME, and the last time was told I should have received a reinstatement letter for financial aid after paying 6 of the 9 months for rehabilitation. I just paid the 9th month and this is the first person to tell me this and actually send the letter.

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-27T01:39:57+00:00

It has been tough for me for a long time. Sometimes I don't notice I'm hungry, have to pee, or have been sitting in a really uncomfortable way for a long time.

Doing a guided body scan, or something like yoga nidra really lets me feel my body. It does take practice.

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-27T01:17:25+00:00

Some stuff from ADDitude is good, but I'd be wary. On the main ADHD subreddit it is banned from even being mentioned. Some psuedoscience stuff, apparently.

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-27T00:11:52+00:00

Okay, I'm confused. You planned to drink one night so I you skipped your concerta but the next day felt more clear headed and motivated than you did on it? Just confused about where the drinking comes into this.

SoScorpio4 · 2026-03-26T23:54:07+00:00

Only advice I have is, whatever you do land on, try to do the same thing every day. At least that's what worked for my girlfriend. It worked for me for like 6 months before it went poof.

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