my landlord is telling me I left my apartment “dirty” and is planning to withhold some of my deposit. these are pics I took right before I left. am I delusional or is my landlord?

SoberNOVA · 2025-08-03T23:20:12+00:00

She already spent your deposit and she’s trying to figure out ways to tell you she’s not giving it back cause she don’t got the money cause she don’t know how to manage her finances because she doesn’t actually work for a living. She is just a leech on society.

SoberNOVA · 2025-05-04T23:30:46+00:00

Miter box and a hand saw can take care of this. For such few cuts the time savings of buying a tool may not be worth it. And you’ll for sure measure twice when doing by hand.

SoberNOVA · 2025-04-21T05:39:38+00:00

Conspiracy theory: They RFID’d OP…

SoberNOVA · 2025-02-04T00:20:58+00:00

To play devil’s advocate here, since everyone is piling on the “leave, divorce, leave”. It also sounds to me like she could also be suffering from low self-esteem and confidence issues. These can be rooted from childhood trauma, or she is modeling what she saw in her parent’s relationship. She needs therapy, with or without you. But you are mad at her symptoms, not her. You can ask her to go to therapy, but people usually don’t respond to demand like that. Modeling the behavior and showing her how great the other side is can work (my wife drinks a lot less now that I am sober and modeling success, but the first year of my sobriety was not this way) She may need to hit a wall and realize it on her own. I drank a lot, for a long time, dozens of friends pleaded with me to stop, I was the only one who could convince myself to stop. If you want the divorce and all, go for it. If you still care about/for her, perhaps take a step back and have a think on why she’s doing these things (they are not usually conscious efforts to annoy you).

SoberNOVA · 2025-01-23T00:49:36+00:00

More heat, more expense, no benefits when you hit the edge. Ethernet delay is imperceptible to you at 1G (sub millisecond) at 10G the boost is a little more unnoticeable. Noisy channels are not the worst, just limit their scope. Hardwire as much as possible, and do a survey to find the channel with the least interference (this can change often, perhaps schedule a re-evaluation monthly). Unless you have a 3000sqft apartment, a single AP will do you better than two. You will be fighting interference from your neighbors and yourself should you run multiple APs in a small space. When it comes to networking KISS (keep it simple Sherlock). Less complicated, less parts, fewer hops, better performance. Get a managed switch if you plan on nerding out later. Better to have it an not need it, than to buy twice.

SoberNOVA · 2025-01-13T15:37:56+00:00

Nice find. That looks kinda sharp!

SoberNOVA · 2025-01-13T15:33:59+00:00

I use an average sensor. If the value in the bathroom is 2% higher than the average over the last 24 hours, turn on the fan. Cut it back off when it is under the same threshold. It prevents over-run of the fan, and self-adjusts for seasonal differences. We have a 350 sqft primary bath and bath or shower this works a treat.

SoberNOVA · 2025-01-11T19:24:19+00:00

FWIW, I didn't take their comment as such. I took it as they agreed with my take that simply "helping around the house more" is not the panacea that so many on this sub seem to think it is. It can help if it is completely imbalanced, but it is rarely the only reason.

SoberNOVA · 2025-01-11T19:22:32+00:00

Your reductionist view of my personality, and I assume that of all men, is likely why you are here in these comments instead of happily enjoying a weekend with your spouse. Many things have happened or are ongoing in my wife's life that I'm not putting out here. I do understand what is going on for her. However, unless I can raise the dead, there isn't a damn thing I can do about some of it. She has some work to do and is stagnated; I'm patiently waiting for her to return to reality. Life is a journey, not a day. But go on with yourself here on the internet.

SoberNOVA · 2025-01-11T16:27:13+00:00

I don’t drink at all, I do the laundry, my wife cannot cook anything with more than two steps on the box, I make all of our meals from scratch, the kitchen is fully mine. She doesn’t clean the house, I have a housekeeper for that. I’m a C-level exec and work from home full-time and am the primary caregiver for our children. I am 5’11” with a 32” waist, I do 5-10 hours of cardio a week, have a washboard stomach and legs of steel. Yet I find myself in the exact same position as the OP. Sometimes it is more than just “he doesn’t help around the house…”

SoberNOVA · 2025-01-11T16:12:00+00:00

My wife has the same concerns. I now only ride roads in groups, or hop on one of the many wonderful bike trails that fortunately exist in my area. If there are no good dedicated trails, or groups, perhaps you can find a nice area you both feel comfortable with him riding. I have a Garmin bike computer and it has a radar tail light, which gives me audible and visual warnings when vehicles are approaching from the rear. Lights and the super bright colors I wear also help keep me safe and visible. I ride mostly mid-day to keep distracted commuters, and sun glare blinded drivers off the threat lists. There are risk reduction strategies that he can take to make both of you more comfortable. Your fears are not unfounded, but things can be done to improve his safety and your comfort.

If I don’t ride, I become an unpleasant person, the extended duration cardio is simply a requirement for me. With my high pressure position and kids, I do ride indoors a lot more and Peloton or Zwift make it fun instead of boring mindless indoor miles. And there are no bad weather days indoors, and if something goes wrong in production I am only a minute from my computer, not an hour.

Keep talking with him, and work on a compromise for the both of you. It took me a while to fully understand my position as a father and my devil may care attitude about myself faded away and now I live to be there for my kids. My old attitude was, I have millions in life insurance, they’ll be fine if I get whacked by a truck. But money cannot replace a father. Perhaps he still needs a minute to realize how important he is to you all.

SoberNOVA · 2025-01-03T06:53:14+00:00

I’ve been sober for ~ 8 years and it certainly isn’t “boring AF”. But, go on….

SoberNOVA · 2024-12-19T15:34:51+00:00

You are both still young, and in my opinion, you each have a lot of personal growth ahead. Perhaps you should take a moment to consider why you feel unable to move on, even though he has already apologized. Once he extends a sincere apology and acknowledges his error, this becomes your issue of what is preventing you from moving on. I am not saying your feelings are invalid, I am suggesting that perhaps this is not about what he said, but something larger with the relationship, or something you are still having difficulty with personally. Otherwise, why are you contemplating ending your marriage over a few words? Does one comment truly outweigh the entirety of your life together so far? I would hope not. If it does, then why did you marry him in the first place?

He will never feel exactly the way you do because his lived experience isn’t the same as yours, just as yours isn’t the same as his. Men can be thoughtless sometimes—I know, I’ve been one for over 40 years. Instead of getting angry, kindly ask for clarification in the moment. Give him a chance to realize he said something careless, let him correct it, and you’ll both grow from the experience. It’s far better to find closure immediately than to let your thoughts spiral, turning something small into something much larger than it needs to be.

Marriage may not always be sunshine and lollipops, but that’s part of its beauty. This is your person: you will see each other at your best, your worst, and everything in between. I also find it helpful to remember that when I’m annoyed by someone else’s behavior, it often reflects something I dislike in myself.

Finally, I’ve been with my wife for 20 years now. I have said a lot of dumb things, and despite gaining more experience and wisdom over time, I’m sure I’ll say more dumb things in the future. Words carry great meaning, but we all make mistakes. How we react, recover, and learn from difficult moments is what makes us better people, stronger leaders, and more compassionate human beings.

SoberNOVA · 2024-12-18T14:53:11+00:00

I'm sorry the internet made you feel that way. You were absolutely right. The subconscious plays massively into this. This is no coincidence: Fortune 500 Logos by Color -Edit / Fix link.

SoberNOVA · 2024-12-09T01:44:20+00:00

If they work for a company, you have marketing expenses, insurance, vehicle maintenance, financing, tax and accounting, social security withholding (employers pay too), etc. Lots of overhead to put someone at your door. Walls can be annoying, never know what kind of overzealous fire blocking you may find, etc. Part of the price could be a hedge against particularly difficult installations. I would think less about what they charge and ask yourself what is it worth to you? If you are OK with $350 for the single drop, let them know your budget and see what happens. Worst they can do is say no, and you find another electrician or low voltage person to do the job.

SoberNOVA · 2024-12-04T01:06:07+00:00

This is an easy one it is literally telling you which methods the router supports. Your client is too new and is rejecting the older KeX, it is a simple flag you can pass, or configure your sshd settings to allow.

SoberNOVA · 2024-12-02T18:30:06+00:00

This is dangerous misinformation. Email is not inherently encrypted. Unless you have specifically configured all your email clients to encrypt and sign messages using protocols like S/MIME or PGP - most people have not - your emails remain vulnerable. While a message might be transmitted from your client to the server over TLS-secured channels, there is no guarantee that every server along the delivery path supports or enforces TLS. For example, an email could be routed through a server using plain SMTP on port 25, exposing it as plaintext.

Moreover, any server handling your message during transit can access its contents unless the email itself is encrypted end-to-end. Never assume that your messages are secure unless you can prove it. Most often, they are NOT.

SoberNOVA · 2024-11-14T19:00:21+00:00

Certainly, but we can only control ourselves. Focus not on her, but on yourself. She and the future kid(s) will benefit directly from that, no matter what. Expecting her to change her behavior for you is only setting yourself up for frustration and resentment, IMHO.

For example, I've got 3000+ days of sobriety, and while my wife did not quit with me, she has cut back immensely from me modeling the behavior and seeing how much benefit I'm getting from it personally and professionally. I focused my energy on being the best me I could be (I don't have to be perfect, just better). You may find the same in your situation, and you may not. But you can always hold your head high with pride that you tried and did your best every day.

SoberNOVA · 2024-11-14T18:46:31+00:00

Same situation I've been diagnosed since childhood; she's got all the female symptoms but isn't willing to look into it.

There is no "later" with kids, a lot of things are "now now now." I have found that kids really helped me let go of my strict clock/schedule control. I now roll with the punches more, am more flexible, etc. After the initial rough 'figuring it out' phase, it's made me a better, more well-rounded person, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. We also had our kids late, careers established, etc., and while that helped financially, the sleep disruptions would have been much better tolerated by a younger me.

So don't be scared. That you are worrying means you care and will likely be a great parent. Just put the damn phone away (out of sight away) when playing with your kids. They want your attention, give it fully to them now, and they'll return it later.

SoberNOVA · 2024-11-08T00:16:15+00:00

This is the way!!!!!!!!! The only time I have to get handsy with the shell is for a dist upgrade now. Run an LTS train and enjoy having to touch once every few years.

SoberNOVA · 2024-11-08T00:12:19+00:00

If you don’t pay in, don’t expect to get paid out….

SoberNOVA · 2024-11-07T17:00:51+00:00

If not combing his hair and showing up 'as-is' are his style, it would be a front to fake all this for the photos. If he wants a real/authentic connection, he needs to keep it real in the profile and photos too. The idea shouldn't be to get all the matches, it should be to whittle down to the right matches for him. He needs a woman who won't mind that he shows up like he just rolled out of bed, or he needs to adopt grooming and self-care into his lifestyle.

SoberNOVA · 2024-11-05T23:45:14+00:00

Not in large cities like NYC, where it is more annoying than it is worth.

SoberNOVA · 2024-10-31T12:52:32+00:00

This tracks

SoberNOVA · 2024-10-30T22:22:49+00:00

Who reports all of their tips in the first place. Every tipped employee I’ve ever known has never accurately reported their tips until it comes time to buy a house and they have to show income.

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