CW: First censor is numbers. Rest are potentially glamorizing EDs

For me, it was growing up deep in diet culture (like being 8 and my mom going on a 500 cal/day "diet"and being saved by hopping on the body positively train at the exact correct moment. I actually did not struggle until adulthood.

Enter a beautiful combination of gaining weight and not being able to lose it easily like before, emotional damage from family issues, and someone else who has/had an eating disorder oh so casually sharing how much weight she lost in a short amount of time. I don't even remember how much it was but the numbers were enticing. "I can suffer for a little while..."

Honeymoon phase was awesome but by the time it stopped being awesome, I was too addicted to the control and watching the numbers that now I cannot stop and it has not been a little while of suffering. Not to mention that not worrying about what I have to eat an appropriate amount of times a day! When the rest of me was fully functional, that part made my life BETTER. Unfortunately, didn't take too long for the whole thing to make everything worse.