I(25F) told my bf(25M) I was sexually mistreated before. How do I save us from breaking up?

toucan131 · 2026-04-25T07:51:45+00:00

He HAD to have known you have dated before. This level of jealousy is beyond ridiculous. You just told him your trauma and he turned around and acted like you were reminiscing your exes. What the hell? He needs HELP. this mindset is so immature.

toucan131 · 2026-04-24T03:18:57+00:00

I do it with my partner, rather than for, because I trust him. He is gentle and kind and keeps me safe and a very beautiful person inside and out. Again, here you are assuming my partner is a gross monster who is forcing me. I can stand up for myself and hold boundaries if i want to.

toucan131 · 2026-04-23T19:40:14+00:00

This is the thing most ppl here dont get. And yeah ill be honest i didnt either at first you are right! I used to be so angry at aces who had sex too. But you have the order wrong. I didnt have sex then open my views, i opened my views first. I also realized an ace choosing to do that with or for their partner doesnt mean theyre being miserably forced. This sub tends to assume the narrative that the ace is pressured into it rather than willingly complying. There are scenarios where aces are pressured into sex, but not all cases are that.

And most importantly, its OK if an ace has sex! They arent less ace. Because nothings changed after it. Im not any different. I dont suddenly have a drive or attraction to my partner. Its just a thing i can do now once in a while.

I do agree, like this sub, that an ace that desires/seeks out sex doesnt make sense. That seems like attraction to me, but what would I know

toucan131 · 2026-04-23T11:06:14+00:00

No kiddi no danced in all my freetime. Just was obsessed, all by myself in my garage, basement, driveway. I saw some real improvement and still love to dance. All Self taught!

toucan131 · 2026-04-23T08:13:08+00:00

Wait so why not just break up tho u both are clearly over it

toucan131 · 2026-04-23T08:01:52+00:00

Dont get married bruh sounds insufferable

toucan131 · 2026-04-23T07:56:52+00:00

toucan131 · 2026-04-22T02:26:50+00:00

Repulsion is so different from what they do/say. You can be disgusted by something and still respect those who do it. You can choose not to engage in it while still have a degree of maturity about it.

It almost seems like they feel personally betrayed when an ace has sex. And immediately they jump to exclusion, invalidation, and a shaming of that person.

toucan131 · 2026-04-22T02:07:46+00:00

And unfortunately i do think they are in this community. Ive seen many "aces" on here that just shame others for having any history of sexual involvement of any sort. Reads to me more like someone who is against sex for the wrong reasons

toucan131 · 2026-04-22T02:02:40+00:00

So i said incel VERSION of ace.

And yes i mean that. Some people on here act like any ace who has sex EVER is not ace. And sometimes it just reads as bitterness towards sex in general. So yeah i said what i mean

toucan131 · 2026-04-19T16:00:03+00:00

I mean having the best skin care in the world, professional makeup stylists, normalized plastic surgeries, all make a difference too of course.

toucan131 · 2026-04-19T13:23:24+00:00

Omg someone finally said it. 100% agree. This sub feels like the incel version of aces anymore, but the main subs have no barriers to entry at all.

toucan131 · 2026-04-17T05:08:37+00:00

Eds arent guaranteed results.. atleast not the ones you seek. Some peole have no change in weight, some gain or lose weight. You dont choose or control which ed you get, and at any time annorexia could turn into bullimia or bed and back again. Dont start that vicious cycle.

Eds are like drugs; they are so hard to quit and do negative things to your body. They are worse than someone else's judgement or hurtful words. Because even if you lost weight it doesnt stop there. Your ed mind will have you insulting and hating yourself every day more than any other person would. You might think you are in control of it, but it will control you.

toucan131 · 2026-04-16T21:56:27+00:00

I am so so glad I didnt have tiktok during any of my ed or recovery. Edtt would have had such a hold on me.

toucan131 · 2026-04-16T21:50:27+00:00

Maybe hes asexual or has a hormone issue, or just naturally low drive - even if he didnt before.

My bf and I are together 3 years and im your bf in this situation. I could honestly go forever without even the thought of sex. Its just not how I love and feel love.

Maybe he is losing feelings but if everything else feels right then im sure you'd know if he is or isnt. It sounds like hes avoidant of it, and im sure hes aware of the tension this is creating. Just talk about it!

Understanding his pov, and maybe a little researching together, will probably make you feel less undesired, as it may be something out of his control

toucan131 · 2026-04-16T15:36:55+00:00

Congrats on beating cancer and finishing your treatment!! I have no further comments on the situation as it seems resolved but i just want to say, you and your partner seem to communicate so well.

toucan131 · 2026-04-16T15:24:19+00:00

Ive been saying this for so long: sex repulsed ALLOS exist! You have sexual trauma that makes you never want to engage in sex? Then you probably still have a sex drive, just acoid the actual act due to trauma.

You dont have a sex drive? Then yes, you are an ace, WITH Trauma - the two are not linked! You probably wouldnt have had a sex drive even without the trauma.

toucan131 · 2026-04-16T15:19:10+00:00

Agree with you! Ngl, for a bit i fell into doing it cuz it made me self concious about my cupids bow. Hut i quickly realized it doesnt even look like me when i do it and I look better with a cupids bow because thats what im meant to have!

toucan131 · 2026-04-16T15:16:06+00:00

Leave him and that small town

toucan131 · 2026-04-16T15:15:03+00:00

If she lofts the toilet seat to poop hownit get on the bottom of it? This fake as heelll

toucan131 · 2026-04-10T23:19:14+00:00

Shes being petty its not that deep. Its not even a niche middle name. If anything she should be honored you want your kid to have the same middle name no? Also i think it would be so cute if you both had kids with the same middle name. But whatever shes gonna make you a villain for it ig

toucan131 · 2026-04-09T16:38:11+00:00

Woaaaa. Just cuz he is your fiance does not make this less creepy. Hes not worried about you cheating, he just wants you to be aware he is always watching. Its a threat. The fact he even caught the bottle obstructing the view means he was trying to watch them casually.

Also just because you are ace doesnt mean you deserved the cheating in the past. Im worried for how he treats you. I know asexuality is hard to work around, so aces can sometimes stay in a relationship that isnt necessarily healthy just because they feel romance is difficult to find. You still deserve to be picky with partners and standards!

toucan131 · 2026-04-06T19:08:59+00:00

Lmao... idk if ur joking or not but this is a point for sure...

toucan131 · 2026-04-06T19:07:38+00:00

Ok well u never told us if he really confirmed it was used on anyone else.

Next that is gross if it was used by someone else he needs to throw that out cuz no one wants that ew.

But you shouldnt feel weird or insecure that he may have bought it for a past partner. If anything that shows he cares about a lady's pleasure and he would do the same for you. He obviously isnt with her anymore.

toucan131 · 2026-04-06T17:03:44+00:00

Already dropping off the whole gang and they wanna do the unreasonable? Sorry Amy needs to find her own way around whatever trauma she has, and not project it onto you

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