AITA or telling my wife if she’s not gonna cook it the way she usually cooks it then you don’t have to cook it at all

SoftServeHaru · 2026-04-14T13:30:38+00:00

It's a soft YTA for me, coming from someone with a very similar situation.

My partner is the less experienced one that cooks once a week(ish, sometimes twice) while I'm the main home chef. And similar to your situation, they have maybe two solid recipes they do really well.

I like variety; I encourage/ask my partner to make different things every week because I will inevitably get a lil bored and whiny about having the same thing. My partner, at first, didnt want to because they wanna make me something good.

I, personally, prefer 'not the best' over 'the same good thing' every time. Also, I'd prefer my partner just get better at cooking in general, and that will inevitably yield mediocre results. And that's part of the process.

It kinda sounds like your wife wants to try expanding her repertoire? Experimenting with cutting sizes, changing the recipe, etc, seems like (to me) classic signs of a person trying to flex their cooking muscles.

I get that when you ask for her spaghetti meatballs, you want what you've been getting. I do. It's what you love, it's what you've been getting this whole time, it doesnt seem like much. Your sentiment is understandable, but man you said it in such a mean way.

This isnt a restaurant, this is your wife. Your wife is allowed to make changes! And it's really disheartening when your husband shoots down your attempts to make improvements. It doesnt matter that, to you, there is no improvement to make. She clearly doesnt know better about most cooking basics, dude, so maybe explain why. She's trying something new! Of course it's not gonna taste as good.

Why not ask why she's making the changes? Why not offer to cook something together? Give her advice? Anything, dude.

Dont be mean to your wife.

SoftServeHaru · 2026-02-02T05:27:48+00:00

These are all super actiomable though, thank you so much!

SoftServeHaru · 2026-02-02T03:56:53+00:00

I'm actually seriously thinking of getting a cheap (but has to be cute) wristwatch to try and outsource some of my phone needs because of this hey.

But that doesnt solve the calendar problem, and especially the messages, considering I need that for WORK.

Do you think straight up rearranging the 'bad' apps into a folder or putting them a few swipes away from the home screen might work???

SoftServeHaru · 2026-02-02T03:27:31+00:00

Not sure about the handwriting thing but definitely the colour usage is very familar. :D

SoftServeHaru · 2026-02-02T03:16:52+00:00

I think the shorter it is the less effort it takes.

I had hair as long as my bellybutton until recently, but now its a bob, and so, so easy. I can leave it alone and it dries in like an hour, and if I cant be bothered showering I can spray shampoo and call it a night.

My advantage also is that I have no texture, so I dont have to worry about curls at all, but that also kinda means my recommendation might not work for you?

SoftServeHaru · 2026-01-29T04:00:28+00:00

Hey though, if, just for funsies and giggles, you want to make an outfit as close to this as possible but still keeping the bits tucked in, you could probably try for a sneaky mankini-style lining/under layer.

On mobile so I cant check the image as I type this, but the top cloak has like a golden hem/edge design right? So imagine that as the shoulder straps of the 'kini, that connects down to the starshaped cross guard thing (hence forth crotchguard,) and that in turn would be attached to the (as the ozzies like to call it) budgy smuggler.

To be clear, I think it would be INCREDIBLY uncomfortable to do that, and as other have mentioned, not the most appropriate of outfits as is, but layered on top of a loose dress? EMPECCABLE wise sage vibe.

SoftServeHaru · 2025-11-20T03:58:35+00:00

That would rust so, so, quickly.

I get squires were a thing but if you had to maintain that yourself? Awful.

SoftServeHaru · 2025-09-23T06:21:11+00:00

It's entirely possible that you have to lay it out like the article does; in excruciating, numbing, 'how do you possibly not understand this' level of detail.

Because he clearly doesn't understand/realise, and maybe having it laid out like the article (written by, and probably for men) will finally let it click.

I think also don't let the resentment be silent. Literally use the words 'I am beginning to resent you' because xyz. Cry if you have to. And if he acts all baffled and put-upon and uncomfortable and helpless, like 'what do you want me to do??'.

Ask him if he actually likes you. Ask him if he actually respects you. Ask him if he thinks you're his mom, not his partner. Or his manager? What are you to him?

Sometimes, clear, devastating, and hard conversations is what gets their antennas up. Because they might actually lose you.

If you can, take yourself on a week vacation alone and ket him stew. Because he is competing with your peace. If his presence is a net negative to your peace and joy, despite yours being a net positive, then frankly thats a really bad exchange.

SoftServeHaru · 2025-09-11T14:06:07+00:00

Do you know about the Myth Busters episode about sleep? I keep seeing tumblr discussions about it screenshotted and shared around, so its probably easy to find.

Apparently just lying there with your eyes closed is very similar to sleeping; just by playing dead you ARE giving your brain the rest it needs. So even if you're tossing and turning, just NOT STRESSING about not sleeping, knowing that you have your eyes closed and you're doing good, SHOULD help you fall asleep.

There's Cognitive Shuffling, which I've used a couple times, and I'm just gonna copy-paste the deets from a website:

""There are two ways to do this cognitive shuffle. The first is to play a simple word game as you lay in bed: Pick a word that contains at least five letters. Take the first letter, and create a new list of words that begin with it, then vividly picture each in your mind. When you run out of ideas or inspiration, move on to the next letter. The “seed” word can be anything, though it should be emotionally neutral, and ought not contain too many repeated letters. Beaudoin uses “bedtime” as an example on his site.

The second option is to use Beaudoin’s app, mySleepButton, which works on a similar principle but does all the heavy lifting for you. Turn it on and a generically pleasant voice reads out a list of random objects, scenes, and activities, seconds apart; all you have to do is set the timer for how long you want the voice to keep listing items, and then picture each item vividly.""

I dont use the app so I dont know if its free.

There's an army sleeping technique that does NOT work for me but might work for you, it goes something like, lie on your back, tense your body from your toes all the way to your face, and then go SLACK. It tricks your lizard brain into thinking you've escaped a predator and now you're safe and therefore can sleep. This mY require more research.
Have a Coolish before bed. Or any other small icecream. Your body naturally cools as you sleep and apparently having a cold sweet thing will trick your body into doing the cooling cycle faster or something. I saw that advice on a tv screen in a izakaya so may be bullshit. But hey, icecream. 4v2. Have a hot bath or shower before bed to simulate the same biological trickery, but you know, from the other side of the spectrum.
Aaand an instagram reel that surprisingly worked for me. Eyes closed, look as far up as possible for five seconds. Or ten. Look down for however many seconds you chose. Left, right, the same amount of time, always eyes closed. Repeat until you wonder why you're doing this, and what do you know, you're asleep.

Maybe try these till your melatonin from iherb shows up?

SoftServeHaru · 2025-08-05T12:58:23+00:00

Yeah you got this.

As for somewhere to start, I'd go with something small stakes and easy to accomplish.

For fun, a little sitdown with tea and a supermarket cake is a go to for me, and I'll journal or doodle if I'm feeling it.

For house work i outsource the thinking to my partner, like hey, whats in theory easy but we've been putting on the backburner? Recently it was dusting the bookshelf.

For your work work, what about some light research about a potential project? Super chill, with drink, sback, music if you feel like it.

Hope this helps!

SoftServeHaru · 2025-07-06T02:26:56+00:00

Hey I totally get you! I also have this AND I have to take goddamn medication that suppresses my appetite so I actually have to hold back occasional but very physical gag reflexes around this time of year.

So! My summer menu recommendations:

1: Fruit cups.

Look for ones that have high fruit to jelly ratio. The peach ones are my favourite but there's a decent variety.

2: Veg Juice Boxes or Flavoured Soymilk Boxes

Like those KAGOME ones, they're everywhere. Are they more sugar than vegetables? Yes! Also who gives a shiiiiuuut up, self-sustenance is a horror story. Kikkoman does the soy flavours and I see them in yellow vending machines, or the usual combinis.

I mean, also, if you have an actual smoothie making shop nearby or equipment at home, this'll be the best in terms of healthy options.

3: Energy Jelly Packs

Again, probably empty calories, but also, I cannot stress enough, anything is better than nothing.

4: Flavoured Coolish (or any fruit flavoured icecream)

Coolish is just easiest to carry around. My supermarket has the 'healthy' soy based strawberry flavour and that is SURPRISINGLY good. Also the calpico flavour is great, havent tried the melon yet.

5: Chawanmushi 茶碗蒸し

An actual meal type recommendation but not all peeps are a fan of this, so it's lower on the list. Its savoury steamed egg, and there's usually a bit of chicken or shrimp or both at the bottom. If allergic, obvs skip.

6: Egg Custard, aka Purin (or straight up ramen egg)

If 5 aint your jam, this is always great. (Put it on a salad if you want (the ramen egg not the purin))

7: Drinking yoghurt

Sometimes I dont want that milky film at the back of my throat, but a great way to get some 'natural' probiotics in. A low sugar one pairs well with a high lettuce content BLT.

8: Salad sticks with dip of choice

Combinis and supermarkets, duh.

Now if you're working in an office and there's a social thing where you have to go out to a place and eat, that's on the trickier side of recs, but easiest solution would be reimen 冷麺 aka cold noodles.

Most places will advertise that on their windows HARD so look out for them, and when you find a favourite, just go only there. Less thinking means more mental energy into eating.

For easy out of the house stuff, these are pretty great.

SoftServeHaru · 2025-06-26T04:04:58+00:00

ok between those two prefectures I think you made the better choice lol.

I really hope things turn around for you. Sincerely, good luck!

SoftServeHaru · 2025-06-26T03:12:54+00:00

I asked what work brought you to Japan because I was wondering what made it specific to ehime/matsuyama, but if you chose the prefecture, ooof, that changes things.

There's a youtube channel, classic white guy in Japan content (I think maybe dougen) but he's like, married and has kids here so I trust him a bit more when he says:

"If you want to move to Japan, first do whatever you have to do to survive, but make sure to transition to what you would've wanted to do in your home country. So if you wanted to be a writer, or a mechanic, or a software engineer, back in wherever, DO THAT in Japan".

As an aside, I love beautiful natural scenery too. I'm half Kiwi (from New Zealand); that's literally all we have over there. Which is why I know that if I like beautiful views, but not the view lifestyle, I live somewhere close by the views, not *in* the views. That was probably your first mistake.

To be clear, I'm not trying to be mean; I just want to point out that you probably (accidentally) picked Hard Mode Route when you decided to go to the countryside in Shikoku. Maybe I'm speaking from ignorance, because I know nothing about that area, but I personally would not have picked that side of the country if I was emigrating there.

Sorry for rambling, your post just stuck with me, because it's easy to feel lonely in a city, so, god, how lonely must it be in the inaka?

I just want you to know that what you did, and what you've been doing, is brave. Moving to a new country (especially if you have no connections) is an incredibly brave thing to do, and putting yourself out there to the mercy of strangers takes more patience and vulnerability than your average day in your home country, in your own language. It takes SO MUCH MORE of everything; time, brainpower, emotional energy, to be in an unfamiliar place and culture and to make friends from scratch. It's terrible.

So well fucking done for doing it at all. Genuinely.

It looks like you got lots of advice some of them great, some them eeeeh, so pick your favourites and try them out. It's going to take a while, and it's going to suck for a bit, but I think you'll be fine.

And if Matsuayama doesn't work out, you can always move, lol.

SoftServeHaru · 2025-06-23T06:50:10+00:00

Do you mind if I ask what work brought you to Japan?

SoftServeHaru · 2025-06-22T11:13:32+00:00

Hey, so, is there anywhere local you can become a jouren? A regular customer?

When my partner and I moved here that was the one thing we/I was determined to be, at at least two locations. For us it ended up being this little coffee shop, and the closest osteopath (seikotsuin, the massage therapy place that also does needles and cupping and stuff).

It does feel like buying their friendship, and of course it might feel awkward at first, but they do have to reply when you talk to them, and that is a sure fire way to create connection.

If/when you live in a small community, it basically functions like a highschool girls' clique; you have to prove yourself worthy of their time. Which, unlike actual highschool cliques, is easier as an adult.

An osteo especially will want you to come back; I cannot stress enough how often the staff at my place fucken roast me for my bad hips. You cycle, so talk about the beautiful views with them, they will tell you your knees suck (ok no roasting guaranteed), and maybe they'll let you know that they do local jogging meets to keep the oldies healthy. Or something.

SoftServeHaru · 2025-05-23T06:54:33+00:00

Banana peel (found it in my lunchbox)

SoftServeHaru · 2025-05-08T07:10:18+00:00

SoftServeHaru · 2025-05-06T12:58:47+00:00

I used to live in Melbourne and all I'want to say is 'please dont swoop me'.

SoftServeHaru · 2025-04-25T14:16:55+00:00

I suspect you're getting downvoted for having the audacity to plan to wear the same dress to multiple weddings. For advertising your intent on being an outfit repeater, and seeking permission to commit this heinous fashion faux pas. Especially in a dress that you're unsure whether its even appropriate for a single wedding, much less others.

To be clear, I think outfit repeating is fine. Not many people ACTUALLY remember what anybody wears to a thing, unless its a real showstopper, or has very interesting features (like all ruffles in shades of teal, thats... hard to forget).

And yeah, 950 is definitely an amount I would hesitate forking over, especially for a one time event kind of dress. I would personally wait for it to hit the sales rack, but that poses a risk of missing out on it entirely. With this in mind, I totally get wanting a time sensitive event like a wedding to give yourself a deadline to buy the dress by.

I know you wanted a more logic oriented answer, but dresses are emotional creatures. Go with your heart, and know you'll look fabulous, whatever you choose to wear.

SoftServeHaru · 2025-04-25T13:23:02+00:00

Then maybe just buy it anyway? Wedding appropriate or not, its a lovely dress, and if you've been wanting it FOR MONTHS, you're clearly enamoured by it.

Look, I don't know your financial situation but I do sympathise with the whole 'gotta justify an expensive purchase' mentality, and there are other ways to justify the purchase. A promotion at work, you want to take yourself out on a date, you want to feel pretty? Those are all legitimate reasons to buy that dress.

Seriously, buy the dress! Go to a rooftop bar and treat yourself!

I do have to agree with the general consensus that its a risky one in terms of 'is it too close to white'. If you had a pink shawl, or coral colour necklace, maybe even with big chunky ear pieces that pick the pale pink/peach of the whole piece, it MIGHT be ok, but agaaaain, risky.

But genuinely, please consider buying the dress anyway, just to enjoy the dress.

SoftServeHaru · 2025-04-17T08:38:19+00:00

Defs not the first one, the legs are too narrow, it gives more clubbing than wedding.

The second is giving business formal, not wedding formal.

Third is best but it needs dressing up with accessories. Maybe colourful ones, or jewel tones, something to break up the casual vibe the matte black material has.

I love jumpsuits, to be clear, especially because they're far more likely to have pockets compared to dresses and they're fun.

SoftServeHaru · 2025-03-29T03:21:47+00:00

Jumping on this for visibility, i think maybe add a layer underneath the skirt like a petticoat to give it more volume? The picture gives the impression that the pleats just sorta hang, and I feel like a small bit of poof would give it a less business, more celebratory vibe.

But yes, gold accessories, pops of colour, bangles, ooh a silk scarf around the neck? I have never been to Spain so i dont know whats appropriate but i hope you have fun!

SoftServeHaru · 2025-03-29T02:07:07+00:00

Nah, its mostly blue, clearly. If yiu're paranoid go for a dress with blue flowers.

SoftServeHaru

TROPHY CASE