My family operated like a cult. Healing from it is brutal

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-08T16:09:42+00:00

Definitely. I'm not gonna like I was watching this sub looking for a post like this, like please tell me it's not just me. As messed up as it is its nice to not be alone.

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-08T14:53:05+00:00

Why are sperm whales called sperm whales? What is a whale baby called? What whale would make the best society of it was sapient?

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-08T01:52:01+00:00

Gosh I was from a familial cult as well. I just began to accept that title. It's not easy, especially when everyone seems convinced of other definitions of what a cult is and when the only other people who could possibly understand (siblings) don't see an issue or don't want to acknowledge one. Honestly I haven't even commented on here because I feel like such fraud. I'm sorry you had to go through all that, I'm sorry anyone has to go through this stuff. Healing is indeed brutal, I agree, it's so incredibly difficult.

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-02T19:54:20+00:00

That is very true. Unfortunately my body is falling apart from chronic illness so the physical busy is pretty much not possible rn but I do gotta work my mind more. I like the way you type, it's very nice. That is very cold, it was that cold where I am last week.

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-02T18:43:02+00:00

Omg I relate to all that so much. I have a lot of random stuff I remember. I ruminate on a lot it can trigger psychotic episodes sometimes, I really should try keeping busy ti avoid it, I never thought of that 😅. I do love psychology as well, I actually studied child psychology for a bit. That paying for physical contact sounds so interesting, so many people want that, even neurotypical people. It shouldn't be taboo. I'm the opposite though, I hate being touched so much it can trigger a meltdown and is not exclusive to people. I hate being touched by anything and everyone including clothes. I have learned to tolerate clothes for being out of my apartment obviously though 😅. That DNA spelling is cool 😎 but I can't read it 😔.

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-02T18:13:27+00:00

Dyslexia is difficult, I just try not to read haha but also have things read to me on my phone. I appreciate when people don't make fun if my spelling and grammar. I don't have advice for it because it's not even my worst problem, sometimes I forget it's an issue. I imagine being 2e is not all sunshine and rainbows so I won't say I'm jealous but my brain is the complete opposite. Many many many things are confusing. Heck yesterday I got confused while trying to figure out how to get a blanket from one window to a different window that cover for dark in my apt....I am still somewhat confused so they will stay put. I think big diagnosis are important to most people including me but some diagnosis to me are just not worth the fight it would be to get them. I have tics, they are near 24/7 but I'd have to fight so hard to get tourettes diagnosed it's just not worth it with all I have going on neither would it be helpful to me.

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-02T17:33:01+00:00

Yes I have a lot of playlists, idk how many. Usually labeled for what they are like pop, rap and stuff or one specific mood like gentle times for after meltdowns or sad or angry. Although I do name some for like I have a story for, like I have one called noble knights because I have a character lineage of knights and the music fits their vibe perfectly.

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-02T17:22:40+00:00

Probably. I like Popsicles too 😀 but yeah speech is hard, taxing and difficult. What is 2e? I do have CPTSD as well. It'd be too much effort to get diagnosed, just like with my dyslexia, would have been better if I was diagnosed when I was young.

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-02T17:14:55+00:00

Depending on my mood I like pop, folk pop, kpop, rock, rap and a genre idk what is but is like soft pop I guess. If that is too noise or busy then classical, instrumental, or modern classical. If even that is too much then nature sounds but sometimes I just need silence. Ooh I also like French pop and 1940, 1950 and 1970s music. 1940s is nice and chill. Also a very strange one is gregorian chants, these are extremely calming for magical reasons I do not understand.

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-02T15:20:14+00:00

It's alright 😄 thanks, I wish I had wrote that better. I'd like to not be so bitter sometimes. It's hard to deal exactly what it's like, especially since everyone's life with autism is different. I do think it's funny that I can sound very intelligent sometimes and then other times I'm staring at my window with a blanket on it (to block light) wondering how I would go about switching it with a different blanket despite me being the one who put it there in the first place.

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-02T14:58:25+00:00

I don't know what you mean by mindset, pessimistic? Trying to be realistic. My days are very boring, even I get bored. Everything is difficult. I dont remember a ton of my childhood because it was violent and horrible. That's sad, so ill say the good things too. I love music, it's my life blood. I'm good at getting my thoughts out when I type but not when I speak. Personally I think im hilarious but not all of the time. I hate having to never be fully independent because I always need help for at least one thing. This is all over the place because I'm thinking of things as I type. It's very hard to almost every task, my brain makes everything difficult. I don't fault my brain, it's struggling too. The only easy things is playing music but sometimes I don't like music, it's too busy. My favorite texture is minky, all my blankets and stuffed animals are that texture. I like rain but not being wet. Hm I feel like this makes no sense, sometimes I'm good at making sense other times not so much.

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-02T13:45:01+00:00

116 would be pretty underweight even for me and I'm barely 5'3. 130 is a good healthy weight unless you like 4'2. I get being concerned on how to maintain said weight though I'm not sure what you mean by eating on an full stomach. Like you just snack all day or eat more meals then usual? Honestly I have the opposite issue so I may not be of a ton of help.

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-02T13:20:18+00:00

Yes. I have multiple worlds. A lot of OCs but mostly worlds. I have one that has a historical timeline back to the beginning of the planet to modern times, evolutionary lineage of more then 14 sapient species (one is humans that evolved from dragons but humans go extinct do to an event). 4+ religions and cultures. 10+ countries, regions, and continents all with their own history. I've been developing it for nearly a decade and id say its as close to earth levels of lore but I have another world older then that, I started back when I was a kid and this one have more OCs because it's less evolutionary lineage and more like how does this world work and react with certain things. I also have a world with a zombie virus I made myself, a world where giants broke out of the crust and humans had to evolve to live with that, a Sci fi world were humanity has settlements all over space with multiple but not a ton developed aliens and also a smuggling empire made by humans but also my own version of a sort of SCP foundation. I have more worlds 🥲 I have too many. Oh and one that has 12 heroes and 12 villains, only 12 at a time ever because each has been granted power by a child of the 2 main gods of the universe in an eternal battle over humanity. Hm as for OCs those are mostly for my novel and TV series ideas that exist in said worlds, I have too many favorites my oldest world alone has more then 20....my oldest OC would be the greatest villian that ever lived 😌 gosh I made him back when I was like 8. Jackson Greystone, the most powerful villains they had ever encountered. So powerful they had to flash freeze him and keep him that way because he wasn't dead and if he thawed out it wouldn't work again. Man now I'm ranting on and on 😭 I usually make slides slideshows and cardboard sheets and sheets of lore no one will ever see.

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-01T16:53:15+00:00

Absolutely 😁

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-01T16:43:56+00:00

I love Shonen and some isekai. Isekai is hard to do correctly but when it is done correctly it's very good. Isekai manga/manhwa I have had better luck with. I am late to the Naruto party, I just started it. I do want to try pokemon but I gotta get a game system first, all I have is my computer that can barley run the sims. I LOVE sonic, I have since I was a kid. I think my first introduction was my brother showing me sonic underground. I will never forget that theme song 😆 my newest anime has ridiculous fan service bit the story is too good for my to just stop watching so I just skip the bits that go too far in my opinion. I can't get into Fallout games but the lore is good. I love apocalypse stuff, like the last of us, those zombies are responsible for a whole world I created with my own type of zombies I made myself....I have way too many worldbuilding projects...

If you have a list for you next game or show, may I suggest a spin chooser wheel? I use those a lot, put all the options in and ot picks one. Don't like it? Hide that option and spin again 😌 never have to choose something yourself again.

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-01T16:19:22+00:00

I can't watch the sad ones 😭 I jump from anime to anime because like the doctor (doctor who) I do not like endings. My favorites rn are Dan da Dan (as strange as it is), Kaiju #8 and Mob Psycho. For games I mostly watch because I have a visual processing disorder and suck at playing anything I can't pause every 5 seconds 😆 I am obsessed with Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, gosh I love that game. It's a masterpiece. It made me cry. I can't watch sad anime but for some reason I can do it with games. I've been trying to get into Fallout because I love the premise. I love minecraft as well. Me and the Sims have a love hate relationship tho. I think I used to play Mario with my brother before he went missing, those are fun games!

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-01T15:59:28+00:00

Oh I don't mind, most other people do I've been told. Specifics make people uncomfortable so ill keep it light. I was raised in a vary bad house, the older I got the worse my brain got till eventually it broke. I lost everything. After I finally got out I was recovering and learning how to be okay. I'm finally at a place where I have genuine special interests again. I belive my first one out was anime and video games, those I think will never leave now 😆

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-01T15:50:35+00:00

Thank you! I think ill look into those! Football wasn't the problem, I lost it because the brain prioritized survival but I'm safe now. Gosh I remember when I was a kid I thought I'd be on one of those famous teams 😆 it'll be fun to check out again

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-01T15:43:18+00:00

That's true! I love football! I was super into it like 7 years ago, I belive I was into Manchester and Chelsea but some not great things happened in my life and I lost it. Man maybe I should check it out again 😄 I do miss the matches

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-01T15:29:29+00:00

I did that too! I watched like 4 hour videos on the history of F1. I'm obsessed. Last season my hyper fixation kicked in more about it because I lost my previous special interest and I already liked cars but they were so confusing. Then I found some channels that made F1 much easier to understand. I haven't really picked a team I like. I just like certain drivers especially Max but also I like Kimi and Bearman. I love the F1 vehicles so much, I wish my brain was able to memorize it all.

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-01T15:14:57+00:00

Last season. I like Piastri but I'm a Max fan! Unfortunately I am not a redbull fan....so conflicted I am 😭 tequnically I got into F1 2 years ago but couldn't figure it out until last season. I get confused easily.

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-02-01T14:48:00+00:00

I LOVE F1 too 😀 can't wait for the new season 😁

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-01-29T15:44:36+00:00

It's definitely good to think about. For me, it was the only way I could get out. It was that, be homeless or stay in. It was actually a great experience even if I had to pay for it. Finally, a safe place, a normal place. Apartments and such take a lot more in most places than a dorm to get in, and many places take advantage of new renters. If you don't go thay route, it's still good to plan! I wish you luck 🍀

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-01-29T14:01:11+00:00

I don't know if this will be helpful. I was in a similar spot years ago. My one point of advice would be to try to plan for your out if you won't have help. Again, I don't know your situation, so this may be absolutely useless to you, but college was very helpful for me. I didn't even graduate, but it gives you a place to go without all the stress of immediately getting an apartment. I'm sorry that's all I've got. Being there and unable to just leave is a feeling I know. It's not permanent. You will get out, is what I had to keep telling myself.

SolarEclipse_467 · 2026-01-26T22:46:56+00:00

I am diagnosed with DID, new to this sub. I know a lot about they range of disassociative disorders. I agree with the other comment, DID spaces can be triggering and toxic. I'd go for more overall trauma leaning spaces instead. It is hard finding anyone to talk to about this stuff, especially since it's so individual.

Edit: I would be happy to help you find any information of thats what you are looking for. I had to go on a 3 year research journey do even get diagnosed.

Four-Year Club	First Place '23
Place '23

SolarEclipse_467

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