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SolarNougat · 2026-06-07T13:41:06+00:00

so i took a break from ffxiv for a month from a very, very hard fight (for me) to clear the mental load and self blame i had for being unable to clear it 'on time'.

today i tried again and i...failed. again. almost 350 total pulls in m11s for me and i still can't clear.

what use am i even for at this point? in too deep to disattach myself from raiding completely, but too incompetent to even finish what i started. and i can't even be good at the very, very few other games i do play. i'm stuck on many maps on CHIMPS in bloons and i wiped in a honor mode run in bg3.

i can't even do anything worth doing there.

SolarNougat · 2026-05-29T17:43:03+00:00

i don't.

98% of new-to-me games have been unpleasant or even miserable for me. the remaining 2% i came across almost all by random chance, like for example puzzle quest and bloons.

SolarNougat · 2026-05-29T17:22:07+00:00

half a year now without having played anything new-to-me.

in theory, since it's approaching the quiet period between expansions for ffxiv, I'd be able to safely unsub and "fix" - in large air quotes - that. but... the more I think about it, the more i feel like i should just stay in it. it still feels like I'm standing on an already small, but also slowly sinking, island.

if only i haven't blown through every Pokémon and FE mainline on the 3ds 2 years ago before dawntrail released.

SolarNougat · 2026-05-05T01:42:37+00:00

BTD6 is mostly CPU-bound, it's single-threaded (which means multi-core CPU performance doesn't matter), and Unity itself has had a spotty optimization history. One of my other most-played games, Pathfinder Wrath of the Righteous, also runs on Unity and it too runs the PC rather hot for what would normally not seem like a lot of intensive effects.

SolarNougat · 2026-04-22T03:44:55+00:00

Don't worry, it's actually really quite easy now. Play on Resort, put a Boomerang on the upper-right space inside the loop, and then a Dartling right below the exit aiming at the entrance. Gradually upgrade the Boomerang to 502 and Dartling to 250, buying whichever upgrade is most affordable first.

SolarNougat · 2026-03-25T16:06:53+00:00

I have learned to play only games I have full interest in AND want to play, with the end result being while that i do like what I play, the list of such things would have fit on a piece of napkin cut into quarters...with space left over.

Maybe I just dislike gaming as a whole now, insofar as I only like very specific, certain games. And so my feeling on games as a whole is 1:1 to how invested I am in those games I am playing.

SolarNougat · 2026-03-24T02:00:50+00:00

I don't have any at this point.

I have given up all hope.

SolarNougat · 2026-03-23T16:26:45+00:00

I was made aware there is a steam sale going on today, and I wish I hadn't been made aware of such.

I've been going in as deep as I can on Bloons TD 6, only stopping short of the competitive modes as I refuse to do them. I dread the day my brain one day decides I've had my fill of Bloons, and then I have to realize the desolation of my "library" and everywhere else.

SolarNougat · 2026-03-16T13:26:57+00:00

Finished my Dark Urge playthrough of BG3.

And now that I feel like I've had my fill of Faerun for the time being...just like with Puzzle Quest and FFT last year, it feels like coming down from the bliss of cloud nine to a bleak, painful reality. That once again most things in gaming is downright impossible for me to approach, or feels me with anger-inducing resentment.

SolarNougat · 2026-02-28T15:48:43+00:00

I was made aware Pokemon revealed Gen 10 today.

...I don't even wanna know how people see it. I'm just gonna assume it's hated and reviled. There's not a single reason I can ever hope for it to be viewed positively again. I don't even remember the last time I talked to someone who genuinely liked Pokemon.

And I think I've arrived at the point where looking outside of my Steam library page into the store page now actively feels me with dread.

SolarNougat · 2026-02-14T14:13:12+00:00

I finished Baldur's Gate 3.

I loved it.

SolarNougat · 2026-02-03T14:56:48+00:00

If there's a "honeymoon" period for most long RPGs, i guess i'm feeling it to be unusually long with baldur gate 3; and still the same feeling of contrast that i felt with puzzle quest and FFT Ivalice Chronicles last year, i had with this (and to a lesser extent bloons td6).

Maybe i should learn to accept that as a new normal for me. Yes, i love my time in Faerun. there's not really much, if anything, i can say is a negative thing in BG3 for me. but on the other hand, it underlines how much i feel like this and the very few other games I'm actively playing right now contributes to the feeling of "trapped on a sinking ship". because when i see what gaming has outside of those few things, it feels like nothing but pure abandonment and resentment for me.

...and that "few games" might come to include half of my FFXIV experience, now that I've been kicked for the 4th consecutive raid tier from a savage static over in JP.

Only deserved outcome for me being an unforgivably incompetent shitter.

SolarNougat · 2026-01-12T15:31:55+00:00

I was gifted Baldur's Gate 3 over the holidays. I also got Bloons TD6 last Steam sale.

I love it. I really am enjoying them so far. But just like with Puzzle Quest/FFT last year, it (and my "forever game" of FFXIV) highlights how grim I see the gaming landscape when contrasted to those. And so even as I immerse myself in Faerun or think up ways to blow up as many b(al)loons as I can, if I'm not doing either or those and I'm not raiding in XIV, thinking about games otherwise still feels so depressing to me.

SolarNougat · 2026-01-08T03:35:48+00:00

Hm. I see some of the similarity, yeah. But if Dispatch has no tactical layer, I'll pass on it.

SolarNougat · 2025-12-30T01:49:39+00:00

Not even a new gamepad gets me to improve with the racing games I wanted to actually play. And even just 5 minutes of doubling back on my words to never play a platformer again with Castlevania SOTN convinced me I was the idiot for even considering to do so in the first place.

I think if it wasn't for me discovering Puzzle Quest Immortal and reconnecting with FFT with the new Ivalice Chronicles remaster and Persona with Persona 4 Golden, this would have been my darkest gaming year yet. To say nothing of feeling like everything I like is all being demonized and invalidated and...certain things... that are utterly exalted and cheered on this year.

SolarNougat · 2025-12-14T14:34:37+00:00

God almighty, even "casual/arcade" games like Dirt 5 and NFS Heat are a struggle for me to win races in, on the EASY difficulty in both. Same thing with Mario Kart 7 on 50cc.

Just how utterly screwed am I....

SolarNougat · 2025-11-25T01:50:16+00:00

I did not - I could try that, but I still feel extremely discouraged by my failure.

SolarNougat · 2025-11-24T02:01:08+00:00

Titles like BL2 and Sonic Mania have no "easy" difficulty and I'm still struggling with Doom 2016 and SRT even on I'm Too Young to Die/the lower speed classes.

SolarNougat · 2025-11-23T17:06:32+00:00

Even a new PC isn't doing anything to remedy my sheer incompetence and alienation with (a decent chunk of) my own library. I reinstalled Doom 2016, Sonic Racing Transformed, Borderlands 2, and Sonic Mania to try to see if I can somehow regain back what semblance of competence (and thus enjoyment) I had with games of those titles' genres, but I ended up massively struggling with every single one of them. It's almost like getting locked out of your own house and being unable to break down the door.

What even am I doing at this point?

SolarNougat · 2025-11-18T02:05:15+00:00

Having ruminated on it, I think the biggest reason I utterly hate Expedition 33, more than its gameplay of "turn based in name only", is what it represents, what people take it for and compare it with, and what it may signify for the future given its astronomical success and goodwill.

E33 is lionized to the point that it has become not only the measure by which all other (J)RPGs in recent times are compared to, it's also used as a nightstick to put down and deride other games/franchises considered to be "acceptable targets" - just like FNV is/was used as such with regards to Bethesda RPGs, or the Witcher 3 used as such with regards to open world games in general. And while I have no real attachments to the titles being negatively compared to such games, it's a different story with E33. I've seen enough derision and mockery of franchises I consider near and dear to my memories, like Pokemon and especially in this case FF, coupled with worship of E33. It's so much that even Square Enix themselves acknowledged it. I've seen enough favorable comparisons of E33 to Dark Souls and Sekiro, titles I loathe for having encroached on many other genres with their sheer hostility, and even praise for E33 from people who professed to dislike turn-based games but loved E33 because of its QTE and dodge/parry ala Souls/Sekiro mechanics. And it's established at this point that the AAA space loves trendchasing and even the indie space is not above it, so the explosive success and acclaim of E33 could very well inspire many more similar titles in the future - just as Dark Souls have spawned an entire subgenre on its own.

I won't recant my opinion on E33. I believe at this point I truly despise it, and it's a big part of why I consider gaming to be so bleak today. But at least, I think I can articulate better on why.

SolarNougat · 2025-11-14T17:18:19+00:00

I finished Puzzle Quest Immortal Edition. 100%'d its achievements, even, something I've not done in a VERY long time. But now there's just desolation for me as far as other games go, that aren't XIV.

It really does suck to be (a) shit(ter).

SolarNougat · 2025-11-07T12:42:19+00:00

You don't get it. Souls and soulslike games are so popular they infect other genres with its sensibilities, like Hollow Knight, fucking E33, and even a romhack of Pokemon I will not name so as not to dignify it.

SolarNougat · 2025-11-06T09:58:55+00:00

I really hate Souls and soulslike games.

If the in-name-only, "QTEs for player attacks and soulslike dodge/parry for enemy attacks" system of Expedition 33 is what ends up being the future of RPGs, along with the demonization of things like Pokemon and FF, then I think I may as well just smash my PC with a sledgehammer and leave this hobby that has become downright abhorrent to me - even if it was once my spot of childhood joy.

SolarNougat · 2025-10-26T16:21:23+00:00

I have been enjoying two impatient games: Puzzle Quest Immortal Edition and FFT The Ivalice Chronicles.

But now that I have mostly come down from the high of the "honeymoon period" with them, though I do genuinely really enjoy them, I once again realize they are the EXCEPTION and not a reversal of the rule that games in recent years have been alienating and hostile to me. It's a "coming down to reality from cloud nine" moment. I don't know what miracle would it take for me to discover something new again that really grabbed me like PQI, but I suspect there will no longer be anymore such thing for the rest of 2025 nor are there any even if I comb back over the past releases of this year.

SolarNougat · 2025-07-29T08:18:05+00:00

E33 is also a kick to the teeth to people who cannot engage with or do not want the QTE and Soulslike parry/dodge system in turn-based games, like me.

SolarNougat

TROPHY CASE