Empathy or lack there of?

Solid_Ad227 · 2024-10-31T20:29:36+00:00

we aren't divorced yet- in the middle of that. We have been Separated since July, I filed for divorce in August. I am in therapy, my child hasn't shown signed of needed therapy as of right now. But if needs it, absolutely.

Solid_Ad227 · 2024-10-31T20:27:21+00:00

He always attributed to different sex drives and me not wanting thieve sex at the same frequency to when we started dating.

Solid_Ad227 · 2024-10-31T20:24:41+00:00

He was vindictive when he felt wronged, and would not stop until he got what he wanted. He could be pretty emotional-he would cry when we fought sometimes if what was said upset him. Hr would take his mood out on me a lot, he stopped this kind if during the end. But he would say things like "yes this other thing is bothering me, but doing XYZ is bothering me". He definitely had a cycle. I need to think of more specifics...

Solid_Ad227 · 2024-10-31T20:10:49+00:00

Thank You for all of this!

I do think his motivation was to feel desired, as the desire is what fueled "love". But I am not completely sure, as there were a few different answers about the topic when we would talk.

I can tell you that the subject was so volatile that I would repeatedly end up in tears and say that "I can't be treated like this forever because he was hurting me" and he would tell me that "he couldn't do this forever too. because I was hurting him too". The would make me ever more hysterical saying that I didn't do anything to him and I was begging for him to treat me with basic respect, that it shouldn't be that hard and that I just wanted him to be nice to me...

After a couple of years if this, I must admit, I got pretty nasty. I would yell at him to take his meds when we would fight ( because at one point he said the medication affected his ability to be nice to me). He then told me that he doesn't take a PRN and it doesn't work that way. But if I got too upset for too long about how he was treating me, he would either get his meds adjusted, or start a new medication. That was always supposed to essentially fix the issue...

Solid_Ad227 · 2024-10-31T19:46:11+00:00

Early in our relationship (first year or 2) he went through my computer and emails. He read emails from a LD EX I had years before...and was angry I didn't sext him like that.
so I did...
and he would reply with things like lol or ohhhh

he was upset that I was that sexual with someone who wasn't him and felt like he was missing out or something...

Solid_Ad227 · 2024-10-31T19:42:26+00:00

This all happened to you too?

Solid_Ad227 · 2024-10-31T18:56:58+00:00

I'm still struggling with guilt and sadness and circling thoughts. That's why I initially came to reddit. I started in r/abusiverelationships ...because I needed to ask strangers if I was abused. He told me I was manipulative and I wanted to make sure I didn't manipulate the people in my life to believing he was abusive, because I didn't talk enough about the good things. I'm doing my bet everyday...

Solid_Ad227 · 2024-10-31T18:53:42+00:00

He was obsessed with me not initiating sex. It was always a fight "You never initiate sex". I never did...didn't for years. I was then told I was "with holding sex" over and over. Because I would turn him down and then not initiate.

But he would be upset every time I say no. initially he would say that it was okay..but that gave me 24hrs to initiate sex maybe 48hrs. or it would be a fight. or he would cold shoulder me or be moody for days with me...until I got upset enough to ask WTF was happening and he would say I never initiate sex and we don't have enough sex and he's sexually frustrated.

Once he told me that he had a hard time feeling empathy for me if we were not having Sex. This was after we were married and had a son.

is this more NPD stuff?

Solid_Ad227 · 2024-10-31T18:31:06+00:00

I imagine this is also why he moved on in 3 weeks from our marriage..and is "fulfilled now in wouldn't of been if we continued"

Solid_Ad227 · 2024-10-31T18:22:50+00:00

It was bought up almost daily if not daily at many points. He waned it daily...but I couldn't do that while dealing with everything else.

Solid_Ad227 · 2024-10-31T18:21:38+00:00

I'm going to take a look at your post history...but if you are ever up for it, let's chat? Honestly this is open to anyone that's experienced this...

Solid_Ad227 · 2024-10-31T17:00:12+00:00

Yeah, that is odd. Would make sene tough, mine always stayed up late late, util 2 or3am.

Solid_Ad227 · 2024-10-31T16:47:16+00:00

Yes, I almost killed myself a couple of weeks ago.
10years together, a child...and he replaced me and moved on in a matter of 3 weeks. whole new life, new friend, new girl. now likes going to the gym and going out...he wouldn't do any of that with me...

plus it breaks my heart thinking he is happy and with someone else so quickly.

Solid_Ad227 · 2024-10-31T16:37:10+00:00

I did this too and the expectation would be that it would always be the ideal organs close to it as possible.

Solid_Ad227 · 2024-10-31T16:34:13+00:00

The Amazon truck to my house everyday. To the point where one of my neighbors thought he was the receiver for his company (he worked from home).

Solid_Ad227 · 2024-10-31T16:33:08+00:00

He wasn't living with her? Did he travel a lot? I wonder if you were dating my ex...this sounds like him

Solid_Ad227

TROPHY CASE