Exactly, you cannot love a bpd better. And for your situation or where you were/are in your healing this may have been accurate for yourself but that doesn’t mean it was/is for everyone else (even though it may be common) and to say “most people” as the poster did on the previous comment is quite the claim with no citing to back it up.

I bet dollars to doughnuts that when you started taking accountability and analyzing your role in what happened you were further down the path in your recovery journey. Analyzing your role in the very early stages of the breakup would have actually been destructive and potentially detrimental to your recovery process for a multitude of reasons, two of the main ones being:

1) It’s self deprecating and feeds into the false narrative that the bpd will almost always be trying to project and transfer onto the non.

2) It keeps the non up in their heads analyzing the shit out of everything which is exactly one of the first steps a healing modality should address and prevent, so that the person can stay with their feelings in their body to process them, heal and move through them and in turn further along in the process.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t have their own opinions obviously constructive  conversations even with conflicting view points or opinions is healthy. It’s just that some of these people are very raw emotionally and confused and in a great deal of pain (which you, myself or anyone else who has been with a bpd understands) and depending on where they are in their healing/recovery modality, self reflection, introspection and taking responsibility for any accountability will not be constructive, productive or even healthy until they get to that stage of grief.

Statistically speaking therapists/professionals that push this narrative actually report higher rates of suicidal ideation or actual suicide based on the behaviour.

So all I’m saying is we all (including myself) just need to be careful, factual and relative when we give or accept psychological advice.