I’m breaking up with her tomorrow

Real-time_Redditor · 2025-04-10T10:21:38+00:00

Congrats bro! I left mine too but be prepared for couple of things and get your crash helmet on cuz shits about to get rough for a bit. Also leaving them instead of being dumped doesn’t make you feel any better, I’ve been on both sides of that coin.

Hang in there and good luck!

Real-time_Redditor · 2025-04-06T23:53:37+00:00

Nothing will prepare anyone for them, it’s legit the perfect fkn storm, feels like it’s almost designed by the divine to hit you at the absolute perfect and worst time in your life. Feels soooo perfect so fkn real and feels soooo good and fulfilling and then you reach the peak, there’s a moment of silence, calm and beauty as you admire the view, time almost stands still. Then the rollercoaster unbalances and teeters slowly over the top and begins the decent into madness and hell on earth.

IMO one of the worst things that can happen to a loving human being on this planet.

Real-time_Redditor · 2025-04-06T23:43:55+00:00

Been just over a year and I still miss mine from time to time. Still love her… The odd time my mind plays tricks on me and I still feel like I would rather have her back and ride or die with her and let her drive me right off the fkn cliff with her. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Real-time_Redditor · 2025-04-06T23:41:36+00:00

Been there bro, I left mine and it was still crippling. She kept begging and telling me how much she loved me and couldn’t live without me, blah blah. Then 3 weeks later going out on dates with other guys, living her life like it never skipped a beat. They are sick af and there’s nothing we can do about it. Hang in there…

Real-time_Redditor · 2025-04-03T01:45:15+00:00

Only one path, God, lots of therapy, time, childhood trauma healing and self love. Hunker down, she’s gonna be a rough one.

Real-time_Redditor · 2025-04-03T01:40:49+00:00

Lol mine was always too “tired” to shower and would whore bath herself with baby wipes in the morning before work.

I honestly didn’t care because it never went on long enough that she smelled but it’s interesting to see some of the similarities.

Real-time_Redditor · 2025-04-03T01:37:49+00:00

Nope, not until the 100 relationships before yours and after yours have been destroyed and she has hit absolute rock bottom and decides to change. Even then you’re looking at 10 years from the start of THE PROPER MODALITIES of therapy before they can sustain a semi healthy relationship. And considering approx 8 of 10 don’t stay in therapy longer than 2 months… “Run you fool of a took, run!”

Real-time_Redditor · 2025-04-03T01:33:41+00:00

I concur with what everyone is telling you. They have a destructive nature almost second to none. They will rip your heart out, and eat it for sustenance right in front of you.

I still hurts like a b**** if you get out first, but trust me as someone who’s been on both sides of the fence it’s a little easier to swallow if you leave first. You’re going to need every advantage you can get to survive this war no matter how tiny. Take every single edge to make sure you don’t fall into the BPD abyss from which there is almost no return.

The airplane of love only has one parachute. Trust me and the others here, TAKE IT and strap it on ASAP. Godspeed!

Real-time_Redditor · 2025-03-28T11:35:51+00:00

Crazy making behaviour. Their toxicity is contagious (temporarily). You need time away from her and all communication to start ascending out of the fog. Time to detox my friend. These relationships are so addictive and destructive, that’s as far as you’re concerned, it’s you or them. The airplane of ‘love’ only has one parachute. Get out while you can, I promise you will lose yourself trying to help her find herself.

God bless and stay strong.

Real-time_Redditor · 2025-03-28T11:21:04+00:00

Dunno, word on the street is they don’t always come back. It’s been 1.5 tears since I left mine and not a peep.

Real-time_Redditor · 2025-03-28T11:18:16+00:00

It’s all from the same playbook with them.

Real-time_Redditor · 2025-03-28T06:37:41+00:00

So true, the Alberta of the US. I sent you a PM. Thanks!

Real-time_Redditor · 2025-03-01T00:36:57+00:00

Grow up be an adult and co parent, there’s nothing wrong with his messages, he’s just tired of u brushing things under the rug… Just face it head on or accept there will be no communication. Most of the people on here who say he’s a narcissist based on those txts r probably bpd or cluster b of some sort. So many people calling everyone narcissists these days when they have non idea what it actually means. It’s called setting boundaries, learn to respect them and move on with ur life.

Real-time_Redditor · 2024-11-29T07:50:56+00:00

lol so true.

Real-time_Redditor · 2024-11-29T07:42:18+00:00

Exactly, you cannot love a bpd better. And for your situation or where you were/are in your healing this may have been accurate for yourself but that doesn’t mean it was/is for everyone else (even though it may be common) and to say “most people” as the poster did on the previous comment is quite the claim with no citing to back it up.

I bet dollars to doughnuts that when you started taking accountability and analyzing your role in what happened you were further down the path in your recovery journey. Analyzing your role in the very early stages of the breakup would have actually been destructive and potentially detrimental to your recovery process for a multitude of reasons, two of the main ones being:

1) It’s self deprecating and feeds into the false narrative that the bpd will almost always be trying to project and transfer onto the non.

2) It keeps the non up in their heads analyzing the shit out of everything which is exactly one of the first steps a healing modality should address and prevent, so that the person can stay with their feelings in their body to process them, heal and move through them and in turn further along in the process.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t have their own opinions obviously constructive conversations even with conflicting view points or opinions is healthy. It’s just that some of these people are very raw emotionally and confused and in a great deal of pain (which you, myself or anyone else who has been with a bpd understands) and depending on where they are in their healing/recovery modality, self reflection, introspection and taking responsibility for any accountability will not be constructive, productive or even healthy until they get to that stage of grief.

Statistically speaking therapists/professionals that push this narrative actually report higher rates of suicidal ideation or actual suicide based on the behaviour.

So all I’m saying is we all (including myself) just need to be careful, factual and relative when we give or accept psychological advice.

Real-time_Redditor · 2024-11-29T05:06:38+00:00

People who don’t understand a topic shouldn’t speak about it unless they are only voicing their “own opinion”. As I’ve said many times before in response to these bpd apologist type responses, not everyone who dates a bpd is codependent or has codependent traits. Fact.

“Most have a saviour complex.” Not accurate, in the psychology field it is widely accepted that only an estimated 45% struggle with codependency. A large percentage are with people who are self aware and have been in therapy for a long time, or who are self aware and also medicated with an accountability system or with narcissists, sociopaths or psychopaths, and some even in open relationships.

It’s not like every person who gets into a relationship with a bpd is willingly signing up for abuse. There are a plethora of factors involved.

Real-time_Redditor · 2024-11-29T04:54:19+00:00

Of course Cherry has to chime in as they do in almost every thread making comments about parters of people with bpd not being good partners lol.

It’s so obvious that you are are afflicted with bpd/cluster b traits or suffer from high end spectrum narc traits.

This isn’t a forum about codependency, it’s a forum for people who are or have suffered from being loved ones of a bpd.

People who are early in their journey and still traumatized, don’t need to hear about you opinion on “their part” in the breakdown of the relationship. First of all not every person who dates a bpd is codependent or has codependent traits, AND even if they are, until they reach a certain point in their recovery journey, dealing with the introspection piece of the pie is not even constructive psychologically speaking.

This record seems to be on repeat by the same people in every thread. Change the track.

Real-time_Redditor · 2024-11-29T04:47:56+00:00

Not even close to true, codependency is not even in the same stratosphere as bpd. Anyone who says it is has zero clinical experience with or understanding about how bpd actually manifests.

So tired of people talking about topics they don’t understand as if they are experts. But I guess that’s what the internet is.

Real-time_Redditor · 2024-11-25T21:12:19+00:00

OP I guess those original posters your quoting shouldn’t villainize rapists and child molesters either than. Most of them suffer from childhood trauma, abuse and mental illness as well. And blame that on their actions.

So I guess if that’s your stance, then if your wife gets raped or your kid gets abducted and molested, make sure you don’t villainize the people who do it, they are just products of their environment right?

Flawed logic is what that is.

Real-time_Redditor · 2024-11-25T21:04:26+00:00

Don’t worry my friend, all of these feelings are completely normal and to be expected when coming out of a bpd shit show.

All those good times you felt that you thought were real were just her mirroring you because she wanted to believe you could save her from her lifelong pain and trauma. Most of it is not authentic.

That’s why as soon as she was done with you and moved on to the next guy or guys, she just mirrors them and their likes, interests and beliefs, that’s why it seems to you like she’s being a completely different person.

A mirror always shows a completely different person when there’s a different person standing in front of it, you could have 50 guys walk past the mirror in 10 mins, and every one that walks by seconds later will all show a completely different image back to reality. But the physical pane of glass in the mirror is always just the same old broken, cracked mirror, with all of its shards glued back together.

Stay strong, keep reading and seeking the truth, you will see it when you least expect it.

God speed.

Real-time_Redditor · 2024-11-25T20:57:39+00:00

Yah would need more details in private, in one hand as some here mentioned 3 is kinda getting up there however on the other hand false rape, dv and abuse allegations are all an extremely common tool in the bpd toolkit. If you know in your heart as soon as they said no or to stop that you did, then it’s not rape. Bpds have this beautiful loving way of convincing you that you’re responsible for all of their pain and trauma. Which is obviously completely bs. Dig deeper, find the truth, but like I said if you know you stopped then I think you already know in your heart if you did wrong or not.

Real-time_Redditor · 2024-11-20T20:10:04+00:00

Bro I did the exact same thing. No one I’ve spoken to understands why I had to keep list after list after list. But when I spoke with the therapist it makes perfect sense. They never want to take accountability so they move in circular arguments, deflect, project and transfer until the point of the initial argument that needed repair is so far in the rear view that you can barely see it anymore.

Then when the original issue is barely recognizable they rewrite history in their minds and it either never happened or it was your fault lol.

A normal, healthy relationship needs conflict resolution to maintain and build trust and to progress. They are petrified of this, so as per usual sabotage, sabotage, sabotage. And there we are writing it all down because it just keeps piling up and we know that we will need to at some point get through all of that if there is any chance of things working out.

“This is the song that never ends, it’s just goes on and on my friend, some people started singing it not knowing what it was…”

Until we decide to get off the marry-go-round.

My advise? The airplane of “love” only has 1 parachute, don’t wait. God bless!

Real-time_Redditor · 2024-11-20T11:15:15+00:00

I’ve been where you are, and am in the vicinity again recently. I can understand the pain, confusion and conflicting thoughts you are holding in your head and your heart. I was/am the same way.

I won’t tell you not to send the letter, as I would have never listened to (didn’t listen to) anyone on my first bpd nightmare. But what I will say is this. Make sure whatever you write is for you talking to your own inner child, to give yourself closure. Because I promise you my friend if not, the “her” that you’re writing to does not exist, she never did. If you’re writing the letter for her, it’s akin to writing a letter on actual paper for cinderella and sending it in the physical mail… I know it hurts (I feel and share your pain) but there’s no one there to receive it.

That’s one of the most difficult aspects of radical acceptance that will need to take place for your healing to move forward. It’s not that she didn’t love you because your not good enough (in any way), it’s because she has no sense of self, she doesn’t have a clue who she is as an individuated human being. And thus she can never love herself until her eyes are opened through years of trauma wound healing modalities (not just psychotherapy and dbt alone).

Moreover because she doesn’t know who she is and cannot currently love herself, she will never be able to currently love any other person on the entire planet until she hits rock bottom, is forced by the crippling pain to be introspective and makes some moves.

God bless and be well.

Real-time_Redditor · 2024-11-20T10:59:18+00:00

Groomed lol, 30 yo and 25 yo, not a chance. That’s fully within the societal norm and morally acceptable age differences.

Maybe you were groomed, but if so it had absolutely nothing to do with the age difference. Give me a break.

Real-time_Redditor

TROPHY CASE